Linda, it does. I am realizing that what I am struggling with is a bit more ambiguous than I realized.

This is very close to how things work in my home as well. The problem is that with four kids I am starting to notice a few things. One is that I cannot maintain this with all four, all the time. It turns me into a constant referee/coach. Second, is that I am focusing a lot on the negative behaviors. I specifically asked my mother this question as she was the youngest of 3 and took some horrific verbal abuse from her older siblings. I knew it really hurt her and she was angry at her parents for allowing it. Her response was startling. She said she realizes she really didn't need her parents to intervene all the time. She needed them to reassure her of her self worth inspite of her sisters actions and equip her to handle their jabs within herself. It is a slight difference in focus. Focusing on equipping the recipient means they get the majority of the focus, while ignoring the negative behavior of the aggressor. Then at a later time, when emotions are cooled you would discuss positive verbal communication with the offending child. This s why it is hard for me. I would be releasing control of when their negative behaviors stop. The immediacy of it. It is difficult to explain. Sorry. Granted none of this is hard and fast and there are going to be times where kids need to be separated or granted space to cool off. :D

True confessions, I have not read L&L. I have read the reviews (neg and positive) and can reasonably tell that approach will not work for my family in a major sense (I am sure there are some great nuggets in there!). We have a lot of animals and if I followed that approach I could not watch them starve so my children could experience the natural consequence of not fulfilling their responsibility. The no-discussion part has me a little confused as well. The one thing my mother did really well with me, and I am trying to do with my kids...is discussion. A lot of good dialogue. When to have the dialogue and for what purpose is one of the questions I amtrying to answer. I can see that lecturing in the middle of a negative episode is not the way to go. My problem is with finding the middle ground.

Let me see if I can explain where this is coming from. I was raised by a single mom until I was 11. She married my step-dad and our relationship seriously changed. I do not know if it was him, her having two more children, alcholism or the bi-polar disorder....but things were really rough and confusing for me as an adolescent. Fast forward to today, when I am starting to notice a similar relationship between dd11 and I. I did not want this, but it is happening. We are combative with one another and I have noticed that I tend to need to "win" to feel that I am maintaining my role as "mother." Now, we are all on vacation together. My grandmother, mother, myself and dd. Mom and I have had a lot of time to talk about the past wounds. I can see that she is truly sorry for how things developed between us. She had apologized as a Step in AA 5 years ago, but I can really see it now. Some of that is because she did get my much younger siblings through adolescence without the trauma I went through. I asked my mother what she regrets most with me and she said, "Needing to win." She said she didn't understand with me that children are simply on "lease" from God. (She is not particularly religous, but does believe in a higher power) This is so hard for me! Dd11 is in such a "ugly," attitude phase that I often want to pinch her head off! ;)J/K of course, but I do find myself often upset with her and embarressed by her attitude. My mother one the other hand takes it all in stride. Tries to redirect dd and when that doesn't work, she just ignores whatever dd is doing and cheerfully focuses on something else or interacts with one of the other children. I am trying to implement more of this, but really struggle with how. :confused: I love my children very much and want what is best for them. Sometimes, I fear that if I let things slide/go/pass they will develop horrible habits and ways of interacting with one another. My mother is of the mind that if I am living a good example, they will come out of this ugly duckling phase just fine. So, if you have successfully learned to let go more; To not have to win or address most of the issues and drama that develop with the older child...how did you do so? I guess what I am seeing is two part situation. Part 1, is that I need to develop a more peaceful and joyfilled demeanor myself. Part 2, is that I need to allow the children more room to make mistakes and just BE...even if I do not like how they are being in that moment. Any thoughts?

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:Just wanted to pop in and say I was thinking of you!!!! This is not fun, but you will come out on top. God will open a door, but it is Hell in the hallway. :glare:

My grandmother, mother, and daughter and I (as well as my sons), are heading on a Gulf road trip. This going to be so much fun!!!!! First stop, New Orleans. :auto::party:

I could kill my computer!!!!

Duplicate post. Ooops!

Just figuring this out, but I am ThornJinx14336! :D

I know that my mother broke her right arm as a child. She was in school so she had to continue to schooling. She is now ambidextrous. ;)

:iagree:If this is a large church, dealing with many visitors, irregular attenders, and various unknown people...it sounds reasonable. I have personally instituted a very similar set-up, which was required by our liabilty insurance. There is actually a training program that we have to go through, per liability insurance called "reducing the risk." The main issue is having a safe zone where you do not have a variety of individualis crowding hallways or opening various doors. You are right that most abuse happens by trusted individuals, but legally a church has to show due diligence in protecting large amounts of children. The one acception I would have made....and demanded as a parent, is the right to walk with my child and meet the teachers who would be directly interacting with them. This would probably have to be done with an "approved" escort, but that is just to dot the I's and cross the T's that you were escorted down and back. There is no reason a program, the size you are desribing, cannot issue you a very BRIGHT visitor badge and have you sign in and out of a visitor log. Hope that helps!

Your post struck me funny.........................as I am just waking up!!! ;) We did not get home till after 3 am and I am still have dazed. :D My favorite part of the service was when my 6 yr old decided his lego guy needed to climb his candle. Next thing I know the lego guys head is on fire!!!!

Many years ago I sold these products and was hooked in my my OB. Other than the price, if the product is the same as it was about 5 years ago, I really have nothing but good to say. I lost a ton of weight and felt great!!!! Now, I do know some people actually do get sick during the first cleanse. Sometimes there are so many toxins being elimanted at once that it is not pretty. Now you have me thinking about them again. ;)

I have been trying to figure out a response to your thread since last night. I was thinking back to PW days and what I would have said to you. Firstly, many Christians (in fact quite a majority) are going to find YOUR actions to have crossed the line into judementalism and condemnation. Those things are sins, they are damaging to you and potentially to your relationships with others and God. I know it pains me to see these dynamics between SILs. In some regards posters on this thread are lovingly confronting you in what they see as your sin. Here is what I know...it rarely results in the desired repentence. :grouphug: Here is something else to consider. We use a couple verses in Matthew to justify confronting someone, while not paying the same consideration or weight to a slew of others. For example, "love COVERS a multitude of sins," or "He who is without sin cast the first stone (this speciffically about a woman caught in the act of adultery)." We also, have Jesus's own example of the woman at the well. A woman who CAME TO HIM, ENGAGED HIM in conversation, and even then all He did was state her situation and tell her to sin no more. He didn't reject her, or avoid her at the well like the rest of the women from her town. We have Peter DENYING Christ in cowardice and yet, does Jesus come back and confront him? No, he does not even address it. He simply lovingly restores him and gives him direction for the future. Contrast that with a couple verses in Matthew that in most versions states, "when your brother sins against YOU." I would strongly encourage to give your SIL the grace and space she needs to get through this difficult phase. Be patient and give her time. I hope that helps in some way. ;)

What discipline is your dd wanting to learn? and do you have a particular horse in mind?

Can someone a lot more techie please walk this out for me in tiny little baby steps? Please? :D

Hey! I thought of you today when I was at my Walmart. They had canvas hanging, organizer, thingys..like the ones you linked, on clearance. ;)

...for a child who will eat very little in the way of breakfast foods, calcium, and protein. I made pumpkin muffins last night and have watched in amazement has he has eaten about a dozen, while being on his ADHD meds. If you have a great recipe can you share?

I would plan for a tour to the Art Insitute of Seattle. Before he goes he should start working on developing a portfolio. Here is a the site of a friend I went to highschool with. http://thefontanastudios.com/ If memory serves his younger brother (another talented artist in his own right) went to AIof S. Art based careers are difficult, but the benefit in higher education (even a year at a time) is in connections. Even with his main medium being pencil, if he goes to school and comes into contact with the variety of tools (right now I am thinking computer based), a whole different artistic world could open up. Edited: I might also take a look at Seattle Central Community College. It might me a good jumping off point and back when I was attending it was a decent Arts and Sciences school. Again, if memory serves me, Blaine did the same program I did dual credit at SCCC.

Yes, this is what my Dr was drilling into my head. :) He did say, because of the severity ds might need physical therapy, but there was no way to asses it when he was still in such pain. He taught me exactly how he wanted it wrapped, toes up (foot flat) with a figure 8 to continue to pull the toes up. Right now, I am having a near impossible task finding an air cast. I went to a variety of medical supply stores, but no one carried pediatric supplies. So, obnoxious! Dh is going to make him a small cruch from a branch (I am starting to feel a bit Swiss Family Robinsonish) and ds has resumed his throne on the Laz-E-Boy. :D

Got the x-rays and took then to our family Dr. Word is.... still no break. Swelling actually looks like it may have gone up a bit, but it has been unwrapped for a while. :glare: Dr did say it is an extremely bad sprain. I am trying to track down crutches and an aircast that will fit a 6 yr old right now. We went to the dr and library, and now he is enxtreme pain. Even though we carried him everywhere it is so hard to see him hurting like this.

Me too! I think I may look for jobs, for dh in Alaska. Growing up in the PNW we just did not have snakes....well, tiny little garter ones. This is terrifying!

This is why I am torn. Iam actually quite adapt at wrapping! It is a skill that comes with horses, as we have to wrap certain ways according to the anatomy of where we are placing the wrap. Same with icing and the possible use of linaments...if I wanted to. Rehab is the same, I have been researching and many of the principles are the same with rehabing horses...sorry to draw the correlation. :tongue_smilie: I am just torn. I realize this could be quite a rehab journey. At his young age I doubt I would go the surgical route anyway. I am waiting to our family Dr to return from lunch, if aything we may be able to get ahold of an air cast and some crutches. He is quite a hoot when he rolls, crawls, or mainpulates a sibling into carrying him. :D

Can I buy these somewhere? ;)

What would you do? 2 days ago ds6 fell off a lowish Live Oak branch. He landed directly on his right ankle. Laterally. He was in extreme...the shock kind, of pain. I carried him inside and started to assess. He could not resist my hand pressure in any direction. It started to swell and so I brought him to Urgent Care for x-rays. It was near closing time, but we are pretty remote and I wanted him assessed before taking him to th elarger childrens hospital. The X-ray tech looked at it and said he thought he saw something, but wanted the Dr to verify. Dr. looked at it for all of 5 seconds (I was watching) and then he said he did not see any SEVERE farctures. They wrapped him in an ace bandage and told me to ice, elevate, and give Ibprophen. That was Monday evening. He still will not place any weight on the foot. Swelling is about the same and he asks for pain meds before he can have them. I have been doing research and am finding mixed advice. One side is very cautious, get him looked at, even by a specialist. The other (more european and canadian based Drs) insist we over treat for these wounds and just continue to rest, ice, compression and elevate. I am not sure how to proceed.