For me, I had to answer on that high end. The reason for this is I live in a not very diverse area where the Homeschool groups and many homeschoolers do so from a very strict anti-education stance. The child is not home because the parent intends to pursue education but because the pastor said your kid was going to have a one way ticket to hell if he went to the PS or a private school, or read secular books, or was around science people (and literally these are people who still think the kind of Charlotte Mason science studies that are awesome for 8 year olds is plenty of science for 18 year olds), and where new young adults have still not had "the talk" or been given a book, but instead will find a letter inside their suitcases when they get to the honeymooners on room. This is the area that has two homeschool groups who asked me to bring my dissecting equipment and do a class with their kids, and then heard through the grapevine that we let our kids read Harry Potter so I was disinvited because I might influence the children to witchcraft. These are families in which purchasing no new curriculum past 7th or 8th grade is normal, online resources are forbidden, and the library is bad because of the bad books there. SWB is considered a heretic, and Dr. Jay Wile was too edgy and forward thinking for them. So we are talking about only math and English from say CLE or ACE until 7th or 8th grade, science and history only to 5th and then the general philosophy after that is "if they are working with me or dad, they are learning enough". Generally the kids are not exposed to enough to pass the GED. We have been called liberals because our kids do high school work, take the SAT or ACT, go to college. According to my mom, the pastor of her church had an entire sermon today about it not being wise to let kids learn too much, and parents are heretics if they let their adult children attend secular universities and colleges or enroll them in the PS or use an online secular program. So it is pretty bad here. Some families have been turned in to authorities and were actually forced to do better or enroll their children in PS or private. In the case of the family here in town, her eldest was eleven and she had not attempted to teach him to read yet. She enrolled him in a small, parochial school because as it turns out she was only herself homeschooled - loosely using the term here - until 6th grade. Once there was intervention, she realized she was functionally illiterate and now attends an adult literacy program at night. This was one of those rare times when intervention was helpful. So often around here it isn't. Unschooling is actually illegal unless implemented in a VERY deliberate way with specific subjects being covered. The state statute mandates that the parent provide a formal education program that covers math, English, writing, spelling, literature, reading comprehension, social studies/ civics, history, and science. Unschooling as a deliberately thought out, planned, and executed program can cover this. However, often in our area unschooling is not educating and violates the law in a big way. To let you know how bad it is, there has been some discussion of making some accountability laws which of course was met with pretty stout opposition. So the statute was amended to say that the state does not require but highly recommends that the parent assign some homework, give tests, keep grades, and if the child does this through grade 12, issue a diploma. None of which guarantees the child got an education, but it is kind of sad that they even felt they had to amend the code to say it in the hopes of persuading parents to kind of prep their kids for some sort of job training in adulthood. The Amish get a free pass here. I don't appreciate it. The local Amish school only goes to sixth grade, meets four days per week from November through March. The secret they do not think we local English know is that their roofers, barn builders, etc. hire non Amish to write their estimates and do their math, draw the plans, etc. The reason it is so bad here is because a couple of kids went on Rumspringa and didn't come back. They stopped Rumspringa and dropped 7th and 8th grade. Since the kids do not begin learning English until 3rd grade, they 100% functionally illiterate in English when they exit school which also helps guarantee they don't stray. Since I believe in child rights, I consider that to be educational abuse for children who are neurotypical. The thing is, I do not put forth my local PS as a paragon of academic virtue. Quite the opposite. The difference is that there is access to the material, there are books, quite a few as a matter of fact on a wide variety of topics, school supplies are provided for those that do not have them, someone stands up and presents the material, there is exposure. At least there is that. Unfortunately, I see a bunch of homeschoolers who do not even do that. So yes. Every day is worse than the PS and that should not be something that is sanctioned. Kids are people too! For what is worth the minimum high school graduation requirements are: Four credits of English Four Math and must include algebra 1, 2, and geometry but the algebra 2 can be met by taking a technical class that uses algebra 2 concepts Three social science which must include US History and geography, World History and geography, civics and economics. Three of science and physical science no longer counts. Must include Biology, chemistry, physics, anatomy, Ag science, or a comp sci class but not a computer literacy class such as one that only covers the use of programs like Word for Windows or Accel. Schools are supposed to provide a programming element or a hardware/electrical type course. Some career courses can be the third science such as CNA and EMT or Vet Tech courses. So then the student would have Biology and Chem or some combo of those. One credit of visual, performing, or applied art. One credit of PE of which half could be credit for playing a sport, marching band, etc. Two credits of foreign language. A credit for 8th grade Spanish if offered is allowed. So the bar for diplomas has been raised. The GED covers algebra and geometry, number operation and sense, measurement, data analysis, statistics, probability, physical science, life science, earth and space science, poetry, drama, prose fiction before 1920 through present, non fiction, visual and performing arts reviews (all of this I assume is reading comprehension similar to SAT or ACT, read and answer questions multiple choice), workplace and community documents, US and World History, Geography, Civics and Government, and Exonomics. None of the questions are supposed to be tougher than tenth grade. I have not looked at any practice exams so can't give specifics. This would seem to indicate that an 8th grade basic education will not be enough for the GED. But of course a lot depends on how stout the 8th grade education is. Rigorous would make it, loosey goose, probably not. It will be interesting to see what happens when these regs are reviewed in 2020.

I would like to see lab's produce an itemized bill of what x,y,z that the doctor order will cost, and then show what your insurance will pay. Like getting a quote before having your roof replaced. This way people can choose whether or not they can afford what the doctor wants. Sad to say, medical practitioners need to accept the fact that for many of us, we have finite resources and must ration our health care. I think all non emergency hospitalizations and procedures should also begin with a quote and an explanation of coverage for what is being ordered. Not fun for everybody, but medical bills are drowning people and they have a right to know what the costs will be before consenting for treatment except for in instances where time is really of the essence. Sorry OP. That stinks!

They have other laws that are not called filial laws but can be used to try to force offspring to financially support parents and especially so if the parent qualifies for Medicaid, or at least this is what the lawyer has explained to us. Since I was also threatened with elder abuse and neglect when I tried to refuse to care for my violent father upon his release from the psych ward narrowly avoiding a trip to jail, I have no doubt my state has zero morals on the issue and will bully adult offspring in such manner.

Very much so. In lower population densities, often there is only one game in town so if it run by a certain belief group, you are kind of sunk. I have a feeling that if we had remained in Portland and raised our kids there, our experience would be very different.

I am very glad that this is your experience. You should be aware that this is NOT the experience of everyone on this board. We each have a tendency to speak to our individual experiences.

While I have found diversity among homeschoolers individually and on this board, I have not found diversity among homeschooling clubs/groups/co-ops. These have all had tightly controlled statements of faith, been non inclusive with laundry lists of people and individual choices for intelligibility - such as using secular science curriculum - to weed out the people who don't believe everything the organizer believes, and heavily discriminatory against non evangelicals. So I get the angst that the OP is feeling.

It gets better. We worked until 3 pm today at the business again. My niece told me that at the football game last night, they announced over the loudspeaker that a long-standing member of the community, a widow, needed help getting her business ready for sale and anyone willing to volunteer should call the school so they could coordinate efforts. The entire football tea and the girl's volleyball team who have all worked ready, signed up again, something like half the marching band, and several parents!! I am just over the moon! So much kindness! We honestly did not know how we were going to get this done by the deadline, and now we will make it no sweat. I am hoping that the school is willing to read a thank you letter over the PA system.

The one article I read on this was out of PA, a heartbreaking story of a young women who was abandoned at ten, so it was only eight years until she reached adult hood and the slime bag parent was suing her under the statute for monthly support. She hired an attorney to defend her, but it sounded like a judge might actually order her to pay parental support because the guy was living on disability or was indigenous or low income or whatever. She was in her mind twenties. I cannot imagine!!! I wonder how many abusers will sue their victims for support. If they do prison time, and come out unemployable... Quite immoral if you ask me but with the corruption in our state and federal courts, I could see it happening. This is what has us so concerned about mom's business bankruptcy because if the court orders her to make payments she can't afford to the bank - she only gets $1100 a month social security, no other savings - it is possible under filial laws that my sibs and I could be sued to provide the income to her to make the payments. I am hoping highly improbable but her bankruptcy attorney told us we have to get a good attorney to represent us. So there you have it. My father figure makes the most outrageous and irresponsible business decisions you can imagine, dies leaving her with the consequences, and I have to get an attorney to keep us from being financially trashed by the banks and the state of Michigan.

Wow! I still think of Emily has being about eight years old LOl!

Interestingly enough, I have not actually signed an insurance form in years. Dh must be doing that as he is a policy holder. I have signed HIPPA stuff and consent to treat. Nothing for the policy itself. So note to self. Since they can see everything, the doc will use codes that reveal everything, then really one cannot have a relationship with a medical provider, and one can very well be burned by this release of information, so avoid treatment at all cost, and treat the doctors and nurses like strangers in a Wal-Mart parking lot. Do not say anything you do not want to be used against you later. If they ask, life is fine, everything is fine, you don't need anything, nothing has changed, nothing to see here. Move along. I have to be able to get a job when ds graduates. I can't afford for employers to be nosing around my medical records, and it sounds like they can have easy access, and everything I have ever said, every test, every treatment is for public consumption so long as the nurse doesn't call my house and leave a message or talk to someone not on the list. I will ask my doctors without borders friend for my next blood pressure med refill. I will pay cash to fill it so my records only show that I took it for one month and never again. The pap was normal so at least that isn't a ding against me. I appreciate those in the know revealing the inside scoop so the rest of us know we can't really avail ourselves of medical treatment because there is nothing that prevents our medical history from being spilled to whomever pays the insurance company for it. As it is, likely the insurance will disclose my injuries from the car accident. While I am perfectly able to work, it probably looks on paper like I should be discriminated against. To me this looks like more than losing some level of control, but more like surrendering all your rights.

This destination sounds interesting. I am all ears!

My husband's niece was in a sorority and quite popular before she married at thirty, ahead a bridesmaid in more than twenty weddings. Evening gowns every time. When she moved from NYC she donated her gowns to a program that helps provide prom wear in low income neighborhoods. I cannot think how much money she spent! It does not bear pondering. Moral of the story, do not have too many single girlfriends! 😄

Also for veggie broth, don't buy commercial. Most brands take not completely ripe veggies, boil, and add a ton so salt. Doesn't make for a satisfying sauce. Sauté all of your favorites like celery, carrots, shallots, sweet onion, peas (you can use frozen for this because they are flash frozen and usually vine ripened), yellow pepper, parsley, with some vegan butter, garlic, basil, oregano to taste and when the veggies are properly sweat, then add to a crockpot and simmer with just three or four cups of water. Do not do too much water because it dilutes the flavor. Once it is savory to your liking, you can save the broth in the freezer and use the veggies in a casserole or add whatever else you like such as pasta or beans and finish the soup for dinner. For cream soups you can use plain (not vanilla flavored) almond milk and thicken with corn starch after seasoning to taste. This method makes a nice broccoli and potato soup. I made stew tonight. We are having one of those gorgeous but slightly chilly autumn days that some how says "soup" to your soul.

SKL, good question. I don't know how much is reasonable. Nice dresses tend to be pricey, not thousands pricey, but often north of $100. Dd gave her friends several options in multiple colors from a company called Light in the Box. The average amount spent was $75 delivered to the bridesmaids homes. She did not choose evening gowns since they aren't practical for future use. She did not dictate shoes. I suspect that the girls wore neutral tone shoes they already owned. She bought each one a nice necklace - not matching just chose something for each that she thought they might like - and I made the bouquets. The guys were more expensive. $120 with shoes. We offered $50 to each groomsman to keep them cost down. Most of dsil friends topped 6'3" and were built like linebackers though not overweight. If they had gone to the the tall shop and bought a shirt, tie, and pants and then needed shoes too it would have topped $120 by a good bit. Dsil gave his groomsmen really cool LED flashlights which were apparently quite popular! Some had travel expenses but they were from the same area so car pooled and shared room costs. We fed them on Friday, Saturday before the wedding, and had them make big sandwiches out of the leftover ham and roast beef from the rehearsal dinner for the road trip on Sunday and my mom handed out water bottles, bags of trail mix, and chips for every car. We tried really hard to make it doable for them. But for those without much income, even $75.00 and has to cross two states with four to a room at the cheap hotel may still be too much.

I am a crazy for sunflower and sesame seeds on anything that is nice with a crunch. I adore them on my salads so I highly recommend giving them a try.

OP, have you run this guy through the registered sex offender database? I hate to think this way, but honestly if he is predatory and prefers "young", they may think that marriage to a child might keep him out of trouble. I know that sounds disgusting, but there are whackaloons out there that think pervs can be fixed by a fast marriage to a youthful bride. After the Doug Wilson debacle of arranging a young, immature, sheltered girl to a recently out of prison child molester to help him master his temptation, I am getting to where I do not put it past some people to think this way. About the time you think you have heard it all... Hope it isn't so, but I think there is a chance.

I like to take frozen green beans, mix with pearl onions, garlic cloves diced (add to taste), slather with slivered almonds, and add a couple of tablespoons of veggie broth to the bottom of the casserole pan, cover, and slow roast in the oven. Another one is that I toss a lot of finely diced broccoli into the crock pot with veggie broth and water in the right ratio two 1.5 cups of brown rice, add diced tomatoes, garlic basil, and oregano to taste, and then set out parmesan on the side for people to use according to taste. My sister in law does it with sharp cheddar, and my daughter does plain, greek almond milk yogurt in place of sour cream. You can add black or pinto beans for protein if you like. I adore beans. The more the merrier, LOL, and am so used to eating them that I have no gastric side effects. Another favorite is to grind cashews and put them on salads, and use an olive oil/vinegar dressing. Chilli based on diced tomatoes run through the blender, kidney and pinto beans, chopped carrots, lots of cumin and garlic - we don't do chilli powder here - slow simmer in the afternoon. Makes a wonderful fall meal. My guys eat garlic bread with it. I am GF because I developed an allergy, so tend not to have any bread unless I happen to have a GF roll around. But bread to dip is very filling and yummy. I then use the leftover chilli the next day to top baked potatoes. This is very popular.

You and I think a like. I simply have no patience threshold for middle school behavior. Maybe I should. But there it is. It's like these people never got out of 7th grade!

For privacy reasons, I probably shouldn't list the name of the school district. This is the PS that we are zoned for. The new athletic director, in light of how things have been with professional and some college athletes the past few years, decided that he wanted to incorporate character training and a sense of community connection into his program. All of his teams are now required to perform a certain number of hours of community service this season as a team, not individually. As many of you know, my father figure did some very deliberately bad things resulting in my mother being saddled with a business bankruptcy she can't get out from underneath. My husband and I and our two sons that are currently at home have been working ourselves into the ground to get the business ready for auction, and we are just overwhelmed with the task. Someone at the school, who is aware of the situation, put a bug in the athletic director's ear. Today at 3 pm, the entire football team as well as the girl's volleyball team and their coaches descended on the business. More than 30 people. My mom just called, moved to tears. The girls and their coach have loaded the entirety of 35+ boxes of literature, catalogs, old files, and paper for recycling and drove it to the facility. The football team has moved 19 fireplaces down from the upstairs and organized them in the show room for auction. They are now carrying all the pipe up from the basement - there were hundreds of pieces and we've been unable to tackle that yet. What a neat, neat bunch of coaches and students! Things like this do give hope for the future. For all the bad stories we hear about today's youth and the unending problems with education, I thought you should know that there are some pretty amazing bright spots in places. I am sending brownies and thank you notes to the school next week for these kids and coaches. I am going to the next football game and home volleyball game to root for them. Go Red Hawks!

Thank goodness! Because what if even a small minority were like this????? :svengo: :svengo: :svengo:

This girl is 18 in a few weeks? Uhm, I just have to say, that I would be really inclined to save all the texts of the mother's crazy, and then send them to her when she reaches the age of majority.

And there have been cases when bride's families have attempted to charge guests for the reception, a per head fee. Of course this is on the RSVP card and then they are shocked when nearly every response except grandma and grandpa is "regrets".

It better have been bedazzled with real emeralds and rubies!!!!

Here is one article that explains the phenomenon. https://journalistsresource.org/studies/society/public-health/trends-statistics-relating-us-seniors-elderly-census-bureau-2014-report It should be noted that "in the good ole days" it appears that caring for the elder for extended numbers of years was pretty much not a consideration. Now it is. The sandwich generation isn't really a single generation. While it comprises the end of the Baby Boomers, those that were born late enough to still be middle aged and in the workforce, it also comprises those of us that are Gen X'ers. So dh is the very last year of the Boomers, but I am four years into the X's and we have this shared responsibility. By comparison, my mom and his mom both had extremely limited years of elder care giving. The Greatest Generation - their parents and even themselves as people tended to have children much younger - came through the Depression while still young, lived through the prosperity of the 50's and 60's, had company pensions, didn't have to move a lot in order to keep their jobs. They could stay in one place, get a mortgage young, pay the thing off many years before retirement, and generally did okay for themselves. My grandfather and many like him lived in the era in which one did not have to have two years of professional training, keep expensive professional licenses, or get a four year degree in order to get decent employment. On a high school diploma only, and for many an 8th grade education, they could get good work, stay at one firm, and end up with a pension and retirement benefits never having to go far from home to get it. It wasn't obviously all a bed of roses, life never is. Just statistically speaking they had some economic things going for them and for the early Boomers, that the late Boomers and the Gen X'ers do not have. They also had their heaviest use of the medical system at a time when it was a lot more reasonably priced as a percentage of income, and Medicare didn't restrict very much. That has not been the case for the later Boomers and of course my generation is feeling the squeeze big time on health care issues. Medical bankruptcy was not a thing then, but it is a very big thing now. Millenials need to go to school a lot longer in order to be gainfully employed, start at lower wages in reference to COL and inflation, and will have to move A LOT - as started becoming more common with Gen Ex - to remain employed. Now suddenly people often do not live near their elders. But the older Boomers remembered with love and longing that grandma and grandpa lived next door, and mom and dad took care of them. They didn't have to move. They didn't have to change their lifestyle. That was also a generation with no expectation of "handicap accessibility" and such, things that many Boomers now expect shall be provided no matter what the cost, no matter whether or not they have the money to provide it. So the early and middle Boomers who still got to retire at 62 seem to think that nothing should change, and they should be able to age in place, in the manner that they demand, and everything should just some how fall into place. They do not understand the pressures their kids' face, the economic reality for their children and grandchildren, and the crushing medical bills that everyone NOT on Medicare tend to face with these high deductibles and all kinds of things being disallowed, nor do they understand the issue of student loan debt as tuition/room/board outpace wages by 415% in the last decade. It is beyond the scope of their experience, and as is typical of human nature, they aren't super inclined to figure out "how everyone else lives". Some will do so. Some will wake up and go, "Wow. How can I make this better for my kids? Maybe I do need to move to be closer, maybe I do need to stop taking expensive vacations every year, and save a little of that to put a wheelchair ramp on the house, maybe I should make some end of life directives and get those things in place, maybe I should sell my house and use the equity to help the kids make their house handicap accessible or pay for some in home help or...." some will definitely do that because not all humans, by any stretch, are adverse to change of perspective. Unfortunately, a lot of people will end up being in the "my way or the highway" camp and kill their kids health when they could make it a little bit better. Stubborn is a pretty strong character trait in a lot of retired people. As Heigh Ho indicated, regardless of what they want, unless they are determined to die in their homes, laying on the floor for hours or even days in agony, despite their protests and the mounting pressures on their kids who are still raising families and need to work to 65-72 years of age in order to even think about getting out of the rat race, they will push the envelope until it can't be pushed further, acquiesce to moving in with one of their kids, and then likely proceed to be very angry, sullen, my life didn't turn out the way I wanted it to NON willing participants in the adult child's household. That has been my experience. Except for in cases of abuse or abandonment, my generation is reluctantly working ourselves into early graves to care for uncooperative elders. They don't mean to be bad, or nasty, or selfish jerks. They don't see themselves this way. They see themselves as victims who have been forced to live in a manner they never wanted to live. Among our family, extended relatives, friends, colleagues, and acquaintances, my own paternal grandmother has been the ONLY easy going elder for family to care for. She was a delight and brought great joy to her kids, grandkids, and great grandkids as she became increasingly more dependent. We only used assisted living for the very last year because mom and auntie were having their own health problems, and we grand kids were raising young children of our own and couldn't physically care for them and for her. The other scenario is the juggling act of moving out of your own home and moving in with the refusing-to-give-up elder, abandoning his or her own family in the process until such time as A. assisted living opens up assuming there are assets to pay for it or B. require round the clock supervision and physical care and go to a nursing home. These are the two things I see a lot. Not a whole generation of ungrateful children being jerks to their parents. However, as a result of the pressure, I predict that my generation will be less healthy in middle age than the previous one, and may in fact not live as long. Stress takes a toll. Financial pressure for the well being of three generations at once is crushing. I do see a LOT of families in which the Boomer parents were pretty dysfunctional, and oft times downright abusive, so there are a LOT of us who really recoil in horror at bringing such people into our homes because they will be such a profoundly negative influence, namely my father figure who became violent. With the exception of extremes, regardless of what people say, most end up killing themselves to figure something out, and do not just abandon old people willy nilly. For what it is worth, all of you should familiarize yourselves with the Filial Laws in your states. 30 states have Filial laws. Most of those laws are rather old, and many times they are not enforced. They are kind of dusty laws that date back to the colonial era which took them from European laws that dated to the Renaissance in which states created laws making it mandatory for adult children to provide financially for their elderly next of kin - which given the death rate meant you might be the lone survivor in charge of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousin, who knows - to combat poverty. These laws still survive, and again, while mostly "on the shelf" occasionally social workers and law enforcement do take them off the shelf, blow the dust off, and go after someone. In three states, Pennsylvania is one, I can't remember the others, there have been some attempts to bring back this enforcement. Pennsylvania changed its law to state that unless an adult child had been abandoned for ten years prior to reaching the age of majority, he/she was financially liable for the care of the parent. Abuse was not included. So if mom beat the crap out of you, or dad molested you, according to Pennsylvania law, you can be held responsible for caring for the abuser. It is hard to say if judges will be willing to enforce or not. I suspect that some politicians who want to cut nursing home coverage from Medicare just might. I have been on the receiving end of a zealous DA, social workers who wanted him OUT of the psych ward and off the county dole for his care, and law enforcement that did not want to supervise him in a halfway house or he county lock up. My case is extreme. But please, don't be naive. Times are a changing and there are going to be far fewer workers paying into the system for every elderly person that needs financial support and physical assistance. In the future it may no longer be legally acceptable to "do what you can" or "do your best" whatever that is for you. If politicians decide to save money by forcing a lot of elderly out of nursing care and requiring adult offspring to provide, x y z, you don't want to be unprepared. http://www.ncpa.org/pub/ba521 http://www.paelderlaw.com/law-can-require-children-to-pay-support-for-aging-parents/ http://www.habigerelderlaw.com/library/Are_Adult_Children_Legally_Responsible_for_Their_Parents_Car.pdf https://www.thedailybeast.com/are-you-legally-responsible-for-your-elderly-parents

I agree with this. I think that because you and your mother had split due to poor treatment and such, that you do not have as much mourning to do as she does. You need to give her some space, and not assume she has "nothing left to live for". Given that you've been distant and only recently reconnected, you don't really know the whole back story, or have a connection that allows you to "read between the lines". She will likely come through this just fine if allowed to mourn. Just take her to lunch, make small talk, smile, and be pleasant. She doesn't need advice from someone she doesn't actually have much of a relationship with despite being related. Do not project your perspective on her life onto her.