I am so sorry Sparkly. 49 years of suffering. Staggers.the.imagination. I have seen my father in law do the "die by inches thing" followed by my father figure and an aunt. It does something to you when you see that. My parents never dealt with that with their own so they have had a "hold onto every last second" kind of mentality, and think it is immoral to consider anything else. Sigh... Not that I am looking for my mom to die soon. Really. What I am hoping is that the next two surgeries will improve her situation so much that she can get some quality of life back. I hope I survive having to care for her, and still get ds graduated on time and off to college without stealing from the last of his childhood. Lots of hoping things go well. And if she does come around, then she will be able to be fairly independent with financial help of course, but that means she can handle my getting into the work force full time. It also means I can put her on a plane, and there are grown grandkids all around the country clamoring to have dear grandma for a visit. So being able to go do that before her health tanks again would be a huge blessing. Being able to do that might also make her more ready to make some end of life plans for when things get bad which is something she is right now very unwilling to do. She will also go to France and spend two months with my sister. This is a bucket list kind of thing for her....lots riding on these surgeries! But when you've been through it on the other side, you start to really think long and hard about quantity, and it isn't pretty.

I don't think there is necessarily a "should" except for STD. But, I think there is wise, and it is wise too disclose things from the past that have a very real possibility of intruding on the future. Convictions, probation, parole, situations that have caused serious PTSD that requires treatment which may extend into the marriage, bankruptcies. These things can turn a marriage inside out when they are bomb shell revealed after the wagons are hitched. I just consider it the respectful thing to do for the significant other. However, the reality is that every couple has to determined their level of comfort for themselves. STD though is not negotiable because no one should play fast and loose with another person's health and even life itself.

Can I ask where your US flight orginated from and did you come back to the same point of origin? Don't disclose if that is too personal. Just asking about different airports. As much as we love DTW and would like to give Detroit our business, so many times they are way more expensive than other airports. For our Egypt trip we are trooping across Canada and flying out of Buffalo, NY. We saved $600 a piece so paying $5.00 a day for long term parking was a bargain. It is 4.5 hours away. That sounds like a lot, but we are 3 hours from DTW so once one already has a commute that long, it doesn't sound so bad. I have wondered about other airports further away for international flights if cheap puddle jumper flights from here to there could be purchased.

My mom's situation has been a wreck for me emotionally and at times physically, truly awful. I am alone dealing with it, only forty nine, and it is taking a toll. So I have made the decision that I will not place my children in this role. If we do not have enough money to pay for assisted living or our money runs out after moving into that level of care, or if we sense that things are getting stressful for our kids, I at least - not certain about Dh - will take matters into my own hands. I have no desire to live in a physically, fragile state, draining the resources of people around me. I want to enjoy my grandkids and then expire. My end of life decision making will revolve around that ideal. I do not need to live to be really old unless that is a very good, really old like my own grandma who was changing great grand kid diapers at 85 and traveling alone, working in her gardens, taking food to "old people"...that one was a funny one because she had no idea it seemed that she too was old! She was a great lady! Once it starts going down hill, I am ready to let go.

My sister lives in France, and my brother is medically fragile. So our mom is all up to me. That isn't going to end well for mom because I HAVE to go back to the work force next year. She and my father figure never saved a dime, and made disastrous financial decisions all along their adult lives so now she is a pauper. Dh cannot support her and help three kids finish college without help. There isn't anyone besides me, so without any money for assisted living if she can't take care of herself, she will have to go to a nursing home because Medicare will pay for that. I try not to think about it because there isn't a thing that can be done to fix this situation. Many elders in our area are in the same boat. Didn't save, assumed relatives would care for them, etc. except the stay at home mom turned elder care giver is becoming extinct as most families must have two incomes. And the next generation has to work until 70-72 to draw SS, and it is likely that the Feds will raise the age of eligibility for Medicare to 70 as well. People will have to keep working. Mother in law has some money for assisted living from the equity in her land/ home when she sells - banks here do not do reverse mortgages due to the real estate market never fully recovering - and a retired son in law who might be willing to have her in his home, so her situation is a bit better.

The PS here does not accept homeschooling credits, and homeschool students IF they find a school district willing, can only participate in non core subjects. Music, art, and a few other electives. No AP'S, no foreign language or computer classes, etc.

Around here no one knocks more than 10% off a bill for self pay. They need their money the end. The hospital goes after you for as much as they can get. No mercy.

Mad about the decision I would imagine. I think they figure if they are going Co Ed, they will go with one that has operated that way for a while. I guess. I am not certain though because the email did not say. It is possible there are a lot of knee jerk reactions out there, or these are families that already had a beef and are using this as an excuse to leave, or.... I did not explore the topic with the program director since we are laying low in order to not get roped into conversations about 2018/19 planning.

Fourteen?? A vacation trip??? My disdain for these parents can only be represented with scientific notation!

Perfect review!

Twenty five minutes on the rowing machine today. 15 minutes weights. And I blew it with a small amount of ice cream. I haven't had anything sweet in weeks, and resistance was low. But it was a very small serving so I guess I should console myself with that.

The docs around here are afraid to prescribe anything. So when dh had his surgery to repair his tendons, he was offered exactly nothing. Ds with the severe arthritis in his disabled leg can't get anything either. An acquaintance just had major abdominal surgery. She laid in the hospital crying in severe pain, and got exactly SQUAT. Not.one thing. The nurses were so upset. But nope. Here's some tylenol, hope it helps otherwise suck it up buttercup. So that's the new wave. Instead of exercising discernment and caution and carefully monitoring patients, they will let the pendulum swing in the extreme other direction so we go back to the dark ages of suffering. None of this is good. We need regular, common sense people in charge of this. Not the nut jobs and greed goblins we have making policy now. Sigh....

We aren't in scouts, but today I got an email from our 4H program director saying that some parents of boys in scouts have called to ask about 4H because they are unhappy about the decision. I did not say much. The program director does not know that we are considering retiring in 2018 from the organization, giving our notice of intent on the day we graduate ds, and serving for only one last county fair. We aren't ready for the office to know yet, but I suppose they are wondering because we did say that at this time, we would not be accepting new members into the club indicating that the 17 we have is the most we can handle. Otherwise, I think it is possible that our club would be expanding. We are the only club in the county that is involved in STEM and nature studies, does nature hiking, wildlife tracking, ecological studies, etc. all of which would be things that I think boys in scouts might be interested in doing. So the effect could have been significant IF we were allowing the club to expand.

Creekland, I don't blame you for making your graduation reservations so far in advance. If youngest ds chooses MTU or NMU, we have to have reservations for move in day several months in advance because there are more people coming out of town than there are hotels, cabins, Air BnB, and camping for. Both schools - only two hours apart and in the U.P. - have the same freshman move in weekend historically, and often the same graduation! It's nuts! We won't know where he is going to land until the financial awards are finalized, and March is too late to get a room for move in day. So I have booked one already in Marquette, and thankfully it is refundable. If he lands at MTU, we will still only be a two hour drive out instead of the 9.5 hours it is from home, so the room near Northern will still work. Off topic, I know. But ya....college move in, college graduation...crazy times! LOL Now back on topic, it would be wonderful if you did a kind of one post, succinct review of the hotels, restaurants, airline, etc. A nice quick, Rick Steves kind of thing so if any of us ever have a chance to go, we have some ideas of where to stay, tours to take, quality of air travel, customs....talk us through customs and immigration.

Whoa. Wait. Mind boggling. He graduates! Gah, that makes my eldest boy a junior. Okay, I knew that. Right. It's just that your announcement here made it seem that much worse. I swear it really truly does not take 365 days to orbit the sun, and somebody in NASA had better get with the program and do the research because the calendar is WAY off! About pictures. I would love to upload some here, but they have to be so small, and I can't seem to downsize them enough. The Nile at night is gorgeous, and I'd LOVE to see your Jordan pics!

LOL, I had eight. Enough for the six of us and two to spare. I have my grandmother's china though and it serves 20, so no worries if we had company. But, over the years, I've broken three of these place settings. With just dh, myself, and one ds here full time, that works out okay so long as we keep up with the dishes. BUT, when the other two are home from college, then we have exactly enough. IF dd and hubby are home, we have to break out the china which is not ideal for every day meals. I can't get the same pattern anymore, and two plates have chips as well, so I am considering going out and buying five place settings of something that would go with the other, and then the china can stay safely packed for those times when we have a big crowd or want to do formal dining. My sons lose forks. I don't know how. I really don't. Seems to be an annoying super power that they possess.

Exactly. People prefer to believe odd, once in a while, anomaly stories instead of sound research. Time and time again countries with universal healthcare come out better in every aspect of health than Americans with maybe, just maybe the only exception being trauma care outcomes. We do have top of the line paramedic/rescue services in many areas of this country, and seriously good trauma centers. So in that respect, we may be doing better. But the bulk of what is going to kill people, make the miserable, shorten their lives, and cause their bankruptcies is not trauma care, but other healthcare concerns, and America ranks down there with undeveloped nations! That's crazy!

Yah, I would say discouraging start. Our 17 year old cat is losing weight rapidly, and losing bladder and bowel control. We are already thinking we were probably at the end with her, but when I picked her up today, I could feel a mass in her belly. We have an appointment tomorrow at 1 p.m. Thankfully, she isn't in pain at this time so one more day is okay. Today ds and I exercised at the gym, and he is working on his school work. It is a bit of bummer day due to the above so since his last two colleges APs aren't due until Nov. 1st, and I always send them priority, registered I think they can wait until Wednesday so we can deal with the down feelings. He is working on calculus now, and we'll have French and chemistry later but I think we will skip English, art history, and American Government today.

Quill, I always appreciate your insights and would be honored to share brain matter!

I actually think the way it used to be done is effed up. Just because people remain in marriage doesn't mean it was good or healthy or not abusive. My parents married at eighteen and were married for fifty three years, and it was bad, very bad. Because my mom married so young and was not allowed to build skills that would allow her to take care of herself and later her children, she was trapped. I am sick of it being considered a good thing to marry girls off without job skills and education so that they are at the mercy of bad men. Everyone looks at history so wistfully, and yet so much of it is actually rather disturbing and not beneficial.

Still working out. Feel like I am not getting any benefit. Sigh...but in it for the long haul. I am eating a very healthy, vegetable laden diet. Scale does not budge. Grrrrr

Scarlett, they do not have to belong to a dominionist church group to have been influenced by the philosophy. Between Doug Phillips, Doug Wilson, Code is Bauchman, Scott Brown, and Geoffrey Botkin, and many others there have been a lot of infiltration of conservatism, homeschool conventions, religious books on family issues, etc. that have suckered many parents from a wide variety of Christian denominations. My mom's church is not remotely dominionist, and yet has five such families that have joined in the past few years. They will tell you that what they believe matches the mainstream within the congregation and yet in practice, it doesn't.

And while not a fan of group think most of the time, if it sets off the concern meters of that many people, it definitely makes one pause to think about it.

I took college classes at fifteen, so that is not an issue for her. But Scarlett, given what you have noticed and the parental reaction, it does smack of a set of parents that may have embraced the Dominionist philosophy of Stay At Home Daughter which is against college education for girls, often claims girls are pursuing "professional" careers when in reality they are not being allowed to do so, and expects girls to marry very young, and court quite young. Those that are involved in this locally will often deny the courtship of a girl as young as fourteen or fifteen to an adult male because they know it is going to be met with disdain. They keep it under wraps claiming there is no dating or courtship until the girl is old enough to marry with parental consent. The girl is raised to believe it is ungodly, a terrible sin, to want anything different for herself. The fact that the relationship and flirtation is blatantly obvious yet denied by the parents, makes me think this is highly probable. The other thing that came to mind was money. My mom was practically forced to marry at seventeen by her poverty stricken mother who simply wanted one less mouth to feed and since father figure was in the military she figured she would not have to worry about mom. My paternal grandmother suffered the same. She was forced to marry my grandfather because her parents did not want to support her anymore and thought it would be scandalous for her to be "a working woman".

And I doubt t she would get hired for a career like that until she is at least eighteen. There are too many issues for a doctor's office or medical practice to deal with a minor in such a role.