My oldest ds used khaki pants/nice polos/buttons downs with or without tie pretty frequently for social and professional events. By sophomore year he was interviewing for internships and jobs that required a suit. Raincoat and boots were a must. My second ds goes to school in FL where things tend to be more casual in general and he would not attend the type of social functions that require dressing up, nor is he involved in professional development type things that he dresses up for. The dressiest clothes he has are khakis and a button down and sperry type shoes. He has refused to get anything more and I suspect he will go out and buy something in a hurry when he needs it. My boys have tended to take enough clothes for a week without laundry. The are in hot climates so that means more than one change of shirt per day usually. They try to keep what they take to a reasonable minimum, though. Once we have moved ours in freshman year they have moved themselves from place to place. We didn't anticipate it, but they have stayed in their college towns and moved to apartments, etc on their own with their small cars without help from us. So traveling light was practical. One summer my oldest basically couch surfed throughout the summer (actually rotated renting space in homes of kids coming and going during the summer for weeks at a time) and kept most of his belongings in his car. So my kids have traveled light and really found it helpful not to have too much. They have the ability to go shop for things as they need them.

I think, as a homeschooler, I would really submit them unless they were below average for the school or if it was down the list of schools being applied to and student wouldn't be heartbroken not to get it. You said "dream school" so I would submit since you are looking at a 33-34 ACT. Who knows how things will work out this year? Maybe average scores will be lower because students couldn't take them over and over and while admissions might be understanding with no or low scores, in that environment perhaps a really high score might be more valuable than ever. Maybe ??

My kids were born in ‘98, ‘00, ‘03, and ‘08. Details are fuzzy but I’m pretty sure at least a couple of them would not have slept much if sleeping in a car seat was a no go. They are all fine 🙂 Even in ‘98 we weren’t supposed to use blankets in the crib but I loved baby blankets and always had many uses for them. We also had an actual walker with wheels Ion ‘98 we found at Target I think but the move was being made to the exersaucer. We didn’t have stairs and it seemed safe but it was kind of a secret that we had one.

@skimomma I’m so sorry. Hoarding is absolutely awful on the family and just seems like there is no solution. I remember reading that there is a better treatment success rate with drug addiction than with hoarding (I don’t know that is true it just made a big impact on me). When I read that I let go of trying to help her fix it, though if she really wanted to change we would try to be supportive. Yes, I can totally see a van full of paperwork. Thanks for sharing your story.

This is fun. My baby is 12 but my oldest is 22 and that was the last time I really shopped or kept up with trends. We used all hand me downs for the three boys. Then there was a five year gap before my dd. I remember walking around Babies R Us and being shocked by the changes but I still did what I always did. No sippy cups is shocking. I had no idea! The rest seems familiar to me. But the diaper bags as fashion statements is funny. I am no fashionista but I do remember standing in the diaper bag aisle and asking why they were all decorated as though the baby would be carrying them? "I'm an adult woman! I don't want a Winne the Pooh purse!" haha. I remember having a navy and white gingham check bag that was the most acceptable to me. Ten years later, when I had my dd, I'm pretty sure I just shoved a diaper and some wipes in my purse and called it good. With four kids in tow I think I just gave up on having whatever I would need on me and took my chances.

Yeah we keep telling her we aren't sorting it and she keeps telling us there are valuable things in there. We tell her nothing is that valuable. The last time she gave a list of instructions and said then we could have someone come in. We still told her we aren't sorting through it at all. Y'all...a couple years ago someone was throwing away an old oven that was broken. MIL took the oven, paid someone to come move it in to her basement...because someday she might have a big party and need more than one oven. Dh went to be with her about a decade ago when she had breast cancer surgery and he had to clear a path to walk through the house...and MIL had to sleep sitting up on the couch post surgery because the rest of the couch was covered with stuff and the door of her bedroom couldn't even be opened because of the stuff stacked up in the room. That was the last time any of us has seen the house and she still talks about how she got it clean for dh to come up for the surgery and how she could do that again if we visited. So it is as bad as any episode of Hoarders. It's hard when you want to be kind and do the right thing by people (especially parents!) It's embarrassing to say we have never taken the kids to visit her. But some people make is so you just can't help them. Back after her surgery dh was willing to take vacation time from work and I was willing to leave my kids with my parents (which we have never done for any other reason) and get her cleaned out and started over. She refused. It is good that she did because now that I know more about hoarding I know she would have just done it again so it is good that we didn't make that financial investment in getting her set. But yeah...there is a reason she is in her situation and that we can't help her. We made a good run at it years ago trying to get her connected with help, services, etc. Some people just can't be helped (but likewise can't move in to my house).

About the crowd size- a couple years ago Mike Pence came to my small town and they did the register online for tickets thing and about 5x the number the venue could hold registered and you still had to line up hours early to get in. So, having seen that play out for Mike Pence I can imagine massive numbers for Trump in the current climate. I cannot imagine an empty seat. They could probably fill the venue over and over. Regardless of how you feel about him, he really can fill a venue and somehow get people camping out for days to get in. So, I can see huge crowds in Tulsa this weekend with all parties combined

Are you are asking if colleges will accept it to meet the high school lab science requirement for admission? I think that is what you are asking? I have never had any college ask for more information about science labs. It is certainly within the realm of possibility that a school would ask for more info but the vast majority of the colleges will see it on the transcript and accept it without further inquiry. If a college did ask for more info I would expect you could provide a description of the class and a sample of a lab to satisfy them. *standard disclaimer that my kids did not apply to super competitive schools

This is encouraging. Dh will have zero attachment to anything there so it will be easy emotionally to just let someone else do it. I know it will be expensive but there just is no way to manage that from here so it will just cost what it costs. And we have pretty much been thinking there would be no progress made until she was out (and by out I don't mean living here).

Our umbrella has made notes on our transcript review that more than 8 credits isn't recommended or that more than one English credit isn't possible (???), etc. but then when I actually request they do it, they do it. Also, they claim to be really picky about honors designation but I know someone who just called and pretty much demanded it for the same co-op classes that I left off the transcript because I felt like they were middle school level and they went back and changed it all to honors for that student. I went back and changed some of my son's courses to honors and they approved it so quickly they obviously weren't being too discriminating. I know my dd will have several high school credits before high school and if I decided I wanted them on the transcript I'm pretty sure the umbrella would do it. But then again, if they ever wouldn't document things the way I wanted, I would just pull my dc, register with the LEA, and write my own transcript. So, I don't feel too restricted by their guidelines. I get annoyed with them for that stuff but then I look at what the homeschoolers I know do as far as padding transcripts, calling everything honors, etc. and I get that they are trying to curb that. I do think these things are all pretty apparent to admissions folks, though. @dmmetler dd is such an impressive candidate no one will doubt that she was capable and driven to do the work she did. My ds's transcript is backed up by high test scores and extracurricular awards and achievements that show he is driven. The student I mentioned above who does have a very padded all honors transcript doesn't have the test scores or essay writing skills to support it. I think admissions can figure all that out.

Thank you. I actually looked up the company this morning and saw they have a location near her. This will only happen when she is incapable of making decisions. She would never agree to anything like this (because of the cost, because they say they will dispose of things, etc.) but we will someday need to deal with this from a long distance and this will be what needs to be done. Part of the reason there are no plans in place for her is that she straight up has refused to ever discuss any of it. Her reaction to the remodeling news was the first indication she has ever considered that she is getting older, can't live alone forever, etc. She has only ever said that she will die and leave all her crap for us to deal with. She really wouldn't ever really move in with us. She will not leave her hoard until she really needs care and needs to go into a home. She would not leave her hoard while she was still well enough to live without nursing care. So this was just some fantasy she had cooked up in her head. When we have talked about dealing with the house she just says she will die and make it our problem.

Of course they should. But dysfunctional families are pretty dysfunctional!

We will have to do something like this. It is far beyond anything we can do, especially given the distance. I was wondering what this kind of company is even called so I would know how to find one.

oh my gosh...maybe she told him that was the plan and he thinks we are ok with it. He knows her and he knows us and if he thinks that he is guilty of magical thinking too!

Yes. I couldn't deal with the everyday nature of letting them grow up under my roof. It is sad and I know alot of people make it work but I would lose my mind. Sometimes when I get regretful they are away or when I start thinking next ds should live at home to save money I remember than my sanity can't take it. Dh would be fine but I would not.

I will say that I was very very worried about my 20 yo this winter. Nothing that would shock people or nothing REALLY bad- just some choices made that were not in his own best interests and would likely cause him trouble at some point. Just making things harder than they needed to be by not making the same decisions a 45 year old woman would make. LOL. Then Covid hit and things got scarier and more uncertain and more complicated. Then the protests happened and his neighborhood burned (though he and his apartment were ok). Then I was REALLY stressed out and wondering what the heck I was so worked up for before all the really bad stuff happened. So, perspective.

I've got nothing but commiseration. I have two "adult" kiddos and two more still to get there. Somedays I don't know how I'm going to make it. Sorry. But you are not alone.

Yes! He should be the resource, right? But, how you treat people does sometimes come back to roost. He isn't excited about helping. His wife won't speak to my MIL. Somehow I ended up the nice DIL and that is really saying something. :( But yes, dh needs to talk to his brother (they only talk once or twice a year. sigh.)

Yes I can see that. I am a pessimist by nature and have nudged myself into being a little more positive and now I would consider myself a realist. LOL. So she does come up with stuff that is "magical" and I'm like "what are you thinking?".

Maybe she would expect that? It is so far outside the realm of something that would make sense for her to expect that it seems surely she wouldn't. But then she does live kind of in a fantasy world about some things. So maybe.

I wouldn't put drivers ed on. I don't, personally, think it adds anything at all to the transcript. But I am the only one in my circles with that opinion so take it for what it is worth. Nine is a lot but my ds had eight every semester and that was with combining two classes that each would have been worth a credit on its own and leaving off some things that i didn't think really added any depth to the transcript. (Such as co-op classes that were not as rigorous as the rest of what he did). So I totally believe nine is doable. My umbrella school, however, does not and wants to keep it to eight. I think you could put the nine if you really want to include everything. I, also, though, wouldn't hesitate to put the PE/Health credit on another year that maybe didn't have as many. I am generally a rule follower and honest to a fault but I am comfortable shifting some credits around. You also could document them in the summer and it would be clear that it was a summer class and that is why you have so many credits. So, in the end I think you have some options and it is fine multiple ways. You can document nine, list one credit as a summer class, or hold off and plop that credit on some other semester that might be "lighter" but in the end I don't think it will have much impact on the outcome of how any admissions rep would look at it. In the event it looked a little "padded" then decent test scores should back up the level of work. So proceed the way you feel best about it and don't fret! That is my .02 🙂

She is unwilling to have any kind of treatment. She admits she is a hoarder but honestly kind of proud of it. Like she is thriftier and better knows the value of a dollar or whatever. But yes, mental illness for sure.

I don't think she plans to abandon the house. As a hoarder she thinks every piece of junk mail in that house has value. She would never forfeit a penny she thinks she could make in profit from it. I think, in her mind, it is not that bad and she can get it cleaned up and sell it. Or she will talk about bringing someone in to hold an estate sale and how much money she would make because all her broken microwaves and two liter bottles she meant to recycle but never did and the old cable boxes and dh's backpack from fourth grade etc etc are worth so much money. So, basically, we are tasked with trying to figure out real life solutions with someone who is living in a fantasy land of how things are going to go. I think she will die in that house. I can't see anyway of her getting out of it. Ugh. Every so often I try to figure out how to fix this problem and come to the conclusion I can't. But I can't let it destroy my life either. It feels awful.

I agree with the end of your post but not the beginning. There just is no room with her to leave some hope as you seem to. She has no reason to believe we would ever agree to this and yet she has fully formed a plan. Even though we told her "no" we will have to repeat it again and again. So leaving some wiggle room out there for her is a no go. But you are right about getting her house together to sell being a goal she can never reach. We have offered in the past (she had breast cancer years ago) to come and help her get cleaned up and work on transitioning to another situation and she wouldn't hear of it. Because she is a true hoarder and she would not allow us to get rid of anything. So we really can't do anything besides tell her the options. She will never, ever get her house together. So it is just a frustrating situation. Especially knowing we will in some way have to deal with it at some point. She absolutely will have no assets so will have to find some kind of situation that accepts Medicaid. But living with us is just not an option. For a variety of reasons. She can't hoard in my house, for example, and she is a true hoarder. (Like digs stuff out of our garbage to take home with her when she visits because she can't bear that we are throwing it away). Dh and I are not going to survive thirty years of parenting and getting young adults launched, periods of unemployment, multiple moves, finally get a sliver of stability, and a house that is in decent condition, and then bring her in. It would break me.

I will be honest. Her moving in would almost certainly result in divorce for dh and me. So it is not in the realm of possibility for either of us. Even having her local would be a strain and there will be very firm boundaries. Her personal situation is such a mess. Hoarding, house in disrepair, tons of cc debt, personal loans, etc. and her health isn’t great. I don’t even know where to start getting her situation resolved and she isn’t willing to accept any advice or suggestions- only cash and lodging. Dh’s brother is actually a director of a nursing home so I feel like he should be more help with navigating options than we are and he is at least in her state. But these things are complicated when you aren’t particularly close emotionally. Such a mess but dh and I are not going to let it destroy or bankrupt us.