Why? I don’t take offense to it. Just like there’s soccer or scout moms out there spending many hours every week helping their kid be in those activities. I’m not offended that someone else’s family has a different hobby than me or that they are more into socializing then me. Good for them. That’s not the issue I have with parents who seem horrified that I have one night a week that is my activity. Or that we don’t have any playing sports. Or whatever else. If what they are doing is working for them - that’s awesome applesauce. I’m just doing what works for us.

There’s some things I think are best done in a more class-like setting. Such as foreign language. I’m not really anti outsourcing. I don’t care what other parents do as long as they don’t give me attitude about not wanting to joining their bandwagon.

I will say I miss Park day now that I have a baby again. That’s the only thing I miss from my way more active in groups days over 10 years ago. And it wasn’t for the kids. It was for the parents! I hope wherever we move has an active one or I can get an active one going. Life-long friendships were made between families at those simple park days.

THIS! And I’ve had some insinuate I should feel a need to “give back†to the home school community bc they really need veteran hsers. Ha. No. I did my time already. What they really mean is that the thought that I can get better results for 1/10 the cost and zero of hassle makes them rethink their own choices. And that’s not my problem. This is us too. We are super involved at church and college classes and in what few extracurriculiars they have, and then they get a pt job maybe and between all of that - we just have not needed additional social opportunities Now some of the those home school groups and co-ops will swear going my route is nearly tantamount to throwing my dc into the bowels of hell, but tho there’s been a couple negative experiences, mostly it’s been great and they’ve found wonderful faith support as well. And really. I can’t afford most of the co-ops. They are crazy priced imnsho. I can send my kid to the local community college for cheaper than some of the co-ops here and get a professional learning environment, instruction and get college credit for it.

I’m going to say straight out, the majority of the co-ops I’m aware of are a joke. On paper, they look very rigorously academic but the reality is no where near that at all. I would not presume being involved in a charter or a co-op means anything.

I can tell you I do not see that as the majority. In some small circles, that’s that circle’s norm, but it doesn’t represent the majority. I will be asked how I managed to do something. Okay. No big. I’ll try to explain it and it’s seriously not some amazing crazy feat. But they will say every time something to the effect of, “OMG. You really did that? You sit right there with them? And go over it step by step like that?†Yes. Oh. They don’t have time for that. *confused*. This is my job. If I don’t have time to educate them, then I either need to redo my priorities or reconsider home schooling. And the majority of questions? They aren’t even academic. It’s how do I get the laundry done. Or how do I meal plan. Or how do I schedule outside activities. As though any of that matters. It just doesn’t. It doesn’t matter academically. It doesn’t matter wrt character formation. It doesn’t matter I’m how close I am to my kids. All that stuff is just... stuff. Noise that distracts from the work that need done at hand. WORK on relationships. WORK on slogging through algebra or essays for the umpteenth time. But they don’t want to hear about any of that. So I mostly keep my mouth politely shut unless asked directly and privately. If it matters, those who have asked me directly and privately have said they were glad they did so. And I was glad to help them in whatever small way I could bc I’m a big believer in sharing communal knowledge. I can’t imagine how different and worse off my own life would be without the kind people who shared their knowledge with me over the years.

I never want to teach or babysit other people’s kids unless they are family, either by relation or friendship. I don’t mind the kids too much, but ugh. The other parents would drive me nuts. Social politics is not my favorite tool in the box.

I have no idea. I’m not all that involved now for reasons others have stated. But I’m 17 years in and baby girl is just turning 1 yr old, meaning I’ve got at least another 17 years to go. So I’ve plenty of time to worry about that. As it is, if/when dh gets a job in another state, I’m going to have to seriously ratchet up my socializing and outside commitments to make new friends and find a new ‘tribe’. Breaking out of our comfort zones does not get easier with age. Introverted me is dreading it and wishes I could just stay home and knit. Me who loves the friends who have become family (only better!) and knows our family will miss them and need to make new ‘family’ is nervous and gets a stomach in knots over it. Mostly for our kids’ sake.

We have a laptop that my dual enrolled at CC kids share. My kids that have graduated high school and are taking college classes each have their own. They aren’t the newest and greatest, but what they could afford to buy with their own money that gets the school work done.

If your Dh didn't report them to be fired, then he is complicit in their wrong doing. Everyone knows their home could be broken in too, but that doesn't mean it's okay or they should just get over feeling uncomfortable about someone doing that bc it's just the reality of life today. It is not. The vast majority of citizens don't do that crap and shouldn't be okay with criminals doing it either. And yeah, this means the people your Dh mentioned/spoke to are criminals. Felony criminals. I wish they would do serious time for it. I think our laws need to get downright draconian in catching up to criminal cyber acts. I do not think it is white collar, no victim crime and should be treated with the same penalty as similiar in person attacks. Such as hacking is no different than any other breaking and entering, text flashing is no different than being flashed on the street, and so forth. No one is hacking for the sake of their child's safety. That's a total BS excuse to commit a criminal act. If they were that worried, all they had to do was tell their kid no. It's not like a clean computer means nice people.

Wow. Some of these tales seem so ... mean. My Dh does this stuff too, but usually it's over silly stuff like swearing I saw a movie with him when I know I have not ever seen it. I tease that he must be confusing me with his other women. Or saying as how I never let the kids carry their sippy cups out of the kitchen. That's simply not true. I have numerous photos of babies in the living room with their sippy cups of water. He got mildly annoyed last week over dd having a boyfriend. (A very sweet fellow by all accounts.) He said we agreed no dating until 16 and then had the nerve to bicker with me that *I* was wrong about the fact that she is indeed 16, nearly 17! The funny follow up to that is he said she can't be that old because that would mean her next two brothers were almost teens too. Um, honey? They ARE 14 and 15 and your next daughter is nearly a teen. Poor man had to sit down with a beer afterward muttering, "this can't be right..." Which I totally made fun of bc *I'm* the one dealing with all these kids every day, so where's my glass of wine, tyvm? And Dh is actually a very informed father comparatively speaking. I think he just still sees them as littler than they are, which is sweet I suppose.

Ha! My kids do that with each other all the time now. One of them will say something and all the other kids will stop and look at them like they lost their ever lovin mind. And sometimes I or Dh will say something and several of the kids will look at us, or we will look at each other, the same way. We laugh about it. Usually. Or just correct and move on. And even tho there's only five years between my youngest two, already I'm hearing "you never would have allowed _____" with the other kids. Most of the time that's blarney. The other 10% I just shrug and say, "Sorry, Guinea Pigs, I've leveled up since then."

Keeping it illegal is what I think you meant. And does this mean your very talented and concerned husband knows of illegal and possibly child endangering activity of his neighbors and ... does what? Likely nothing bc how can he report something he obtained knowledge of illegally and has now corrupted making it difficult to prosecute even if he did?

I wish you'd had a friend next to you to yell right back that donkey butts should stay in their barns instead of braying about around people. I'm not a cryer around people/in public, but it doesn't bother me that other people are unless I think they are being manipulative in some manner. In which case, I'd do the polite thing and just steer clear of them, something I'd likely do to a manipulative person regardless of their composure. (Hugs)

The fact that crazy inappropriate (and illegal) crap happens does not make it a stink we should tolerate in our lives. Or think it acceptable or wise to proclaim such illegal activities online.

The posts suggesting to the effect of well he might not be a real pedophile, but just a guy who liked/likes some tween/teen porn bother me considerably. No. That doesn't make it okay or acceptable or any less concerning and disturbing. He is still one sick sicko and I would not want him anywhere near myself or anyone in my household. I think it's horrible that he cared so little even for his own children that he would put them in this situation every day of their lives.

No I would not be shocked at all. I'm completely aware that it's been awful for a long time. (I have a sister whose extremely abusive ex got full custody of their two kids 20 years ago.) But this person the OP is discussing has had FIVE years to get a head start on this guy. There's a lot she could have done to make it very hard for him to be around those kids. And even if I didn't get custody, at least my home would be a safe place for them to get away from him. I don't buy for a second that she is able to guarantee their safety any more than if she'd divorced him and moved away while he was in prison. (ETA: I can believe that SHE might believe it. I just think she is in denial if that's the case.)

If she had known how her daughter already felt, I would agree with you. But my interpretation was that her mother didn't know she was the cause of the upset just that something was off and thought maybe it was the crowds reception of her singing and was trying to encourage her to stick with it.

Edited to remove quotes PLEASE make sure this is not a tricky discussion. Because it shouldn't be. This is clear cut issue of boundaries and safety and it should be presented to her as such so that she is given as much confidence as possible in future interactions with them. I'd start with asking how much her friend has been telling her about their family and any problems she has. I'd bet donuts your dd is relieved to tell you a few things that have been weirding her out or making her uncomfortable and that she just didn't know how to handle or realise how much of a bigger deal it was than she realized. (Young people no matter how smart just often don't see the bigger implications of things.) My compassion dried up when you noted he went to prison for five years, which gave her considerable opportunity to divorce and get her precious children the hell far far away from him. At best, she is lying to herself that she is keeping them safer by keeping an eye on things. But I doubt she is doing so 24/7 bc she's just as human as the rest of us moms and that's just not possible. And 24/7 is what it would take when they are literally living with a sex offender who they love and call daddy. And even if he did do something, I bet she wouldn't tell bc then what? She will lose her kids for putting them in known danger or maybe the guy would threaten her in some way. At the very least they'd spend time in the foster system before eventually being returned to her, *if* they were. I don't know what I'd do if an abusive parent got custody of my kids. Can't even fathom. But I know I would jump to get a five year head start away from the abuser.

People who say “without me present†just have no idea how easy and often grooming and worse happens within 20 feet of a parent who has no idea. That’s why I’m in the solidly “just hell no†camp. Eta: it’s also why I don’t agree the mother is likely protecting her children from him. Even if she thinks she is, she is wrong. Does she never sleep? Never ever give them even a few minutes alone? Ever? I doubt it. And predators will find a way.

I would be okay with the girl visiting but not the rest of her family, including her mother, which would probably be a deal breaker for them but so be it. I see no reason to presume the mother is protecting her daughter. It’s just as possible she doesn’t want her dd saying anything about her home life. Plenty of married pediphiles have complicit wives.

Not to mention the only reason they get off on those pictures is because they fantasize about doing more than looking - which is rape.

I love the show. Let’s face it. People are damned annoying so that doesn’t make it less real to identify with. Kate probably wouldn’t annoy the heck out of me if I didn’t know real people like her. Same goes for all the characters. I’m getting annoyed with the suspense of how their dad died though. Kate said it was her fault. But it’s Kate, so who know if that’s even remotely accurate. It may or may not have involved alcohol and or a house fire. I’m almost more curious to know how she got with Miguel. I like him just as much as her husband.

I’m finding it hard to like her. Everything is everyone else’s fault. Her mom was a great mom, but because Kate could not just open her mouth and be honest with her family or herself - well her mom’s existence caused her life to suck? Um. No. She made her own decisions and she chose to lie about the reasons to others and herself. So going off on people who haven’t a clue is just being mean. And yeah, by her age, I expect a grown adult to get a clue about their reality. Most people don’t need therapy to figure out that lying to everyone about their feelings and then blaming those people for not miraculously reading their mind about it is not reasonable way to deal with personal issues or relationships. I think Tobey is nice and handled it like a gentleman, but I figure it’s only a matter of time until she silently decides to blame him for something and decides she just can’t handle a relationship with him. Again.

This. Or giving up their drivers license. Or admitting they are having just about any difficulties. The elderly aren’t stupid just because they are old. They know they are prime marks for scammers and abuse and they live with so many fears. This article made me so angry bc this rightly validated so many of those fears and makes it harder to give them legitimate care.