how much social time for a 9yo girl??

[choirfarm]

I feel a little bad for my 9 year old daughter who was in tears today. She just doesn't want to be alone. We spent the last week at the Annie Moses camp that was great, but she worked her tail off all day with tons of kids: singing, running lines, practicing violin, etc. She was in her element. Here she has me who is really busy doing house stuff and stuff for older two boys ages 14 and 16. We are remodelling and a little bit of it was done. So the boys and I spent the morning getting my canning supplies into the new cabinet and cleaning the playroom deeply. She needs explicit directions: pick up the dirty clothes, pick up trash, etc or she doesn't know what to do and was whining the whole time. So I gave her chores in her room and other places. She will help me clean out the trailer this afternoon. She does love to listen to oddesey in her room, but I know that gets old. But I am entering tons of statements into money, or trying to go through all the school stuff, or planning the co-op class for next year, etc. Stuff it is hard for her to help with..

 

For school next year she will have my undivided attention for several hours each day, especially on Tuesday and Thursday morning when the boys will be at the CC doing dual credit. But I will need several hours with the boys as well. I need to cook dinner or my oldest will; we will all clean some but she still needs so much direction. She seems incapable of looking and seeing what needs to be done like the boys do. She will have church activities on Sunday and Wednesday evening. She will have co-op 3 out of 4 Wednesday mornings a month as well as private violin and piano lessons. I'm sure I'll have her do a few community theater workshops that come up, but that is normally only a couple of weeks a year. She loves people... She hates spending this much time alone and to be honest, I don't have the patience for her following me around and trying to talk to me while I do money, grade Geometry or literature papers or do whatever financial/household chore my dh has given me. I just need to concentrate. I'm really wondering if ps might be better for her.... Or what do you do with social children????? My boys are not social.

 

Christine

[I.Dup.]

I understand. I have a very social 9yo as well. Thankfully her younger brothers take some of the edge off (because she plays with them) or I just might go insane.

 

I do think she would be happier socially in public school but I think ultimately it would be a disaster. She is very much a "follower" and would focus so much on her social life to the detriment of school, I think. Besides, I just flat out believe homeschooling is best so that is what we continue to do.

 

She has 2 best friends that have really been a blessing, she gets together with them as often as we are able. Of course she wishes it could be everyday! Little crafts, coloring, things like that may help.

[AK_Mom4]

My DD10 is pretty social too. First off - what does your DD do for fun when she is not with her friends? If you don't know or there doesn't seem to be an answer to that, then that's probably part of the problem and you need to get her pointed at fun solo things. It's summer now so my DD is spending hours outside training her puppies and playing in the backyard or reading in the hammock. But once the weather turns, she and I will have to come up with interesting indoor activities. We keep a list of things she likes to do and I make sure we have supplies where needed. The list gets updated from time to time.

[Elizabeth in WA]

My dd9 is very social as well. She does gymnastics 10-12 hours per week, goes to parties and sleepovers, or at least play dates nearly every week in the summer and plays outside with the neighborhood children or else is on the phone with her best friend whenever she is home and not doing schoolwork or chores. And she still complains. On the rare times she is home, not working, and not on the phone, she reads or plays video games with her big brothers.

 

Mine insists she would be happier in public school, but even if that were the case, she would not do more than the minimum required to stay out of trouble with her teacher academically; fighting over homework with her every evening is not on my to do list.

[I.Dup.]

My dd9 is very social as well. She does gymnastics 10-12 hours per week, goes to parties and sleepovers, or at least play dates nearly every week in the summer and plays outside with the neighborhood children or else is on the phone with her best friend whenever she is home and not doing schoolwork or chores. And she still complains. On the rare times she is home, not working, and not on the phone, she reads or plays video games with her big brothers.

 

Mine insists she would be happier in public school, but even if that were the case, she would not do more than the minimum required to stay out of trouble with her teacher academically; fighting over homework with her every evening is not on my to do list.

 

:iagree: We have the same problem with the more we do, the more she complains. I think part of it for her is a sensory issue where she constantly feels she needs stimulation, but the more she gets, the more nervy she gets. Strangely, when she gets used to being at home and not running around so much, she is calmer.

[DianeW88]

My extremely social 10 yo ds is out playing every single day. Since it is summer, that means from 10 AM to dark with occasional breaks for meals. He is always at a friend's house or they are here playing. We live in a fabulous neighborhood with LOTS of kids, so it's no problem.

 

During the school year, he plays after school. He also has karate two days per week and Cub Scouts once per week. He plays on a city league basketball team in season. In the summer, we fit in swimming lessons as well.

[choirfarm]

My extremely social 10 yo ds is out playing every single day. Since it is summer, that means from 10 AM to dark with occasional breaks for meals. He is always at a friend's house or they are here playing. We live in a fabulous neighborhood with LOTS of kids, so it's no problem.

 

During the school year, he plays after school. He also has karate two days per week and Cub Scouts once per week. He plays on a city league basketball team in season. In the summer, we fit in swimming lessons as well.

 

So you probably doesn't have enough activities with people?? As far as playing outside... I think this is the 30th day or something like that with temperatures of above 100. She normally loves playing outside, but it is over 90 by 9am here... I'm ready for fall....

 

Christine

[In The Great White North]

I would rather be at camp than cleaning the playroom deeply too. Who wouldn't?

 

She seems incapable of looking and seeing what needs to be done like the boys do.

 

Yep. She's 9. They're 14 and 16. Big difference.

 

She will have church activities on Sunday and Wednesday evening. She will have co-op 3 out of 4 Wednesday mornings a month as well as private violin and piano lessons.

 

This isn't exactly stuck home with mom all day, 24/7. The only thing you might want to consider adding is a sport (more friends and tired bodies are good things) or an orchestra to go along with the violin lessons.

[Jann in TX]

I have 3 dds, 21,18 and 9...

We also live out in the 'boonies' and our closest 'neighbor' with kids is 7 miles down the road!

 

My 9yo is very social (by social I mean she craves being around other children although she is capable of playing by herself too)... her sisters had each other-- youngest dd does not have a built in playmate.. she is closest to her 21 yr old sister--but that is a HUGE age gap and older sister tends to act like a 3rd parent at times.

 

We attend church, but there are no co-ops within a hour's drive... so currently youngest dd attends PS. So far it has been a great POSITIVE experience for her. This fall my plan is to begin 'afterschooling' because I do not care for the 4th and 5th grade Math program in our district (but it is not terrible either).

 

I'd love to homeschool youngest dd--but I have to agree with DH on this one--she is too 'social' and PS has been the best option so far. Both DH and I are still extremely close to youngest dd-- PS has not killed our relationship! Youngest dd would be miserable at home (homeschooled).

[katilac]

The planned activities for the school year sound good, but it sounds like she might need more PLAY time with kids her age. Is it possible to arrange regular play dates? It's worth some drive time, imo, and it might be easier for her to be occupy herself at other times if she knows she has a nice, long playdate to look forward to each week.

 

I think most kids would get a bit bored and lonely in her situation, particularly in the summer, when it sounds like you guys are busy and her activities are limited. My two are close in age, and have always spent lots of time with just each other, but your dd is really in more of an only child situation. It's actually easier now that they are a bit older, but those weekly playdates were really important a couple of years ago - - especially for my youngest, who has always enjoyed pretend play more than her sister.

 

So, I don't know that I would jump straight to school, but I would start brainstorming ways to increase her social interaction - again, in ways that allow her to freely talk and play, not just organized events. And now is the time (if you're not doing school) that you can really do long/frequent visits, sort of fill up her tank. I was always happy to host playdates, b/c you hardly even see the kids! When they have guests, they are so busy they forget all about mom :D

[Chris in VA]

Gently, I think she needs you to be more available now.

Can you put off some things until she's in bed?

She may crave company, but she's also turning to YOU for company--since there's no one else around, use this opportunity to build your relationship. I know, I know, you have a lot to do, and it's irritating to have to get it done and take her needs into account. I do get it. But--

 

I remember hearing a story about a little boy who was being tucked in by his mom. It was their habit for her to lay down with her son for a few minutes to talk and cuddle before bed. One night, she laid down as usual, but so much was on her mind. He said, "Lay down, Mommy."

She said, "I am laying down!"

"No," he replied,"Lay down in your soul."

 

So, along with the more playtime with peers, etc., try "laying down in your soul" with her.