Helen in OH Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 My oldest son is in the 9 th grade in high school. He was homeschooled 3rd to 6 th grade. We decided to send the oldest 3 to PS. Well the other two have adjusted pretty well. My oldest has not adjusted socially for several reasons. 1. He is more mature because of being HS. 2. He is the oldest of 6. This also requires him to have more responsiblities then his peers. 3. He is older than every one else. Socailly he has not found a specific group of friends to hang with. He is on the perimeter of several groups. he makes a friend and moves on to someone else or doesn't think so and so is good enough. He could be perceived as arrogant. My other two boys have a group to hang with and have adjusted well. I want my oldest to have the same experience. My husband says not to worry. Thanks-a-bunch, Helen in OH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KristineinKS Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Is he happy at school? If so, I wouldn't worry too much & would give him more time to adjust. On the other hand, if he's miserable, is bringing him home to homeschool again an option? I was a lot like him in high school, though never homeschooled, I went from a tiny Christian school to a large public school. And as an only child, I was around adults most of my life & thus much more mature than many of my peers, plus I was shy (and found the public school overwhelming!). High School was miserable for me until I switched to an independent study program where I was essentially homeschooling myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Socailly he has not found a specific group of friends to hang with. He is on the perimeter of several groups. he makes a friend and moves on to someone else or doesn't think so and so is good enough. He could be perceived as arrogant. So you are saying that your son is the one who is walking away from potential friends? Am I reading that right? If that's the case, I'd have a long talk with my son about friendship, courtesy, and judgement. He will certainly be perceived as unfriendly, and possibly arrogant, if this continues, and kids are going to stop putting forth any effort to befriend him. If I've misunderstood what you wrote, please disregard my reply. Ria Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen in OH Posted March 24, 2009 Author Share Posted March 24, 2009 Thank-you so much for your replys. Overall the transition has been good to the HS, it is the friendship thing that is weak. It is encouraging to receive advice from y'all. Thanks-a-bunch, Helen in OH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 I was just listening yesterday to an interview on NPR (I think "Fresh Air") and the actors were remarking on how hard it is for adult men to make friends; that you just sort of end up being friends with the same people you were friends with as kids. It may not have anything to do with your son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BabyBre Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 IMO, it could be argued that ps is about the worst measure of one's social standing. In fact, that's the last place I'd want my kids to fit right into, and if my ds16 was nearly as descerning as yours, I'd be thrilled. Given that he's only in 9th grade (a huge adjustment year if it's the first grade in that school), I wouldn't worry too much just yet. Hopefully, he'll meet some kids he can really connect with on his own level, rather than having to drop it down to the social standard just to "hang out" with someone. Has he shown interest in clubs that may appeal to a more sophisticated group of kids? Debate, for example? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 My HS son is in one of the HS music programs, and has made almost all of his friends there. There is a bonding that takes places with hours of practice a week. Maybe joining something could help him find like -minded friends? School paper, theater, debate? My oldest was in an improv group-- I loved those kids! lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in IL Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 at the high school in 9th, he was picky about friends too. He saw through all the drama, social posturing, BMOC syndrome, etc. and wanted nothing to do with it. This was in honors classes too. By the time he was in 11th, he finally found some like minded male and female friends to hang out with. They are still the ones he hangs with when home from college. Give him time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fast1 Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 Yes, give him time, :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 Some of us have to wait until we're past school age to find people interesting enough to want to hang out with. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SherryTX Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 Thank-you so much for your replys. Overall the transition has been good to the HS, it is the friendship thing that is weak. It is encouraging to receive advice from y'all. Thanks-a-bunch, Helen in OH Hmm...although your son may be viewed as arrogant, perhaps he is just showing good judgment? It could be that he may not find these kids "good enough" because they do not share the same values. In that case, it sounds like he is showing sound judgment. Perhaps right now he just needs to focus on just showing a little more respect for other kids, and being polite. I wouldn't worry about him NOT getting too close with kids in school if it is a value issue, or perhaps even the fact he is not finding kids yet that share common interests. I know as a parent I WANT my kids to make friends in school and not feel like a "loner". However, I would rather they be able to base friendships on shared values and interests than just having friends to "have friends". What did he do for friends before he went into PS? If he still has connections with them, he may be able to manage just fine in school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SherryTX Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 I was just listening yesterday to an interview on NPR (I think "Fresh Air") and the actors were remarking on how hard it is for adult men to make friends; that you just sort of end up being friends with the same people you were friends with as kids. It may not have anything to do with your son. I think I listened to the same one - where they were discussing the new movie with Jason whatshisface and Paul Rudd? If so, they made some very good points about males making friends after high school and college I hadn't thought about before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 Does your son consider it a problem, or is this just your concern? If he isn't worried about it, it may just be his personality, and he may never be the type to have a 'group' to hang out with. If he would like more friends, I would coach him a bit if he's open to that, or perhaps have an older friend do it on a casual basis. I'd give it some time, and if next year isn't better, I'd get more pointed about 'you have to be a friend to have a friend.' A lesson no one is ever too old for! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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