Night Elf Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Jeffrey was assigned a paper in History on a person who made an impact on american society between 1900 - 1940. K12 is very detailed in describing how to construct the paragraphs, but this is the first time he's ever done the research, outline, and first draft independently. He has given me permission to post it to receive comments from other homeschool moms so we can get an objective teacher's point of view other than Mom & Dad. :) Henry Ford Henry Ford revolutionized business and consumerism as a whole between 1900 and 1940. His cheap and simple Model T, his effective assembly line, and his excellent business and labor tactics all made a permanent impact on American Society. He was a famous businessman and industrialist, and was the founder of the Ford Motor Company. One of the automobiles that Henry Ford manufactured was the Ford Model T. This was the first really cheap and simple automobile that was made in America. The vehicle was very cheap to produce, so it could be priced less, and more could be made each month. It was also very simple, so it was easy to manufacture, and it was easy for the average American to drive. Henry Ford was the first company owner in America to effectively utilize the assembly line. This handy tool reduced both the time and cost it took to manufacture cars and parts. The assembly line process made it much faster to manufacture objects, so a lot more could be produced each month. It also made it cheaper, which allowed even more production, and the prices of produced objects could be lowered. Henry Ford was an excellent businessman. His unique business and labor tactics helped him a lot throughout his life. He founded the very successful Ford Motor Company, which made him rich and famous, and also set the precedents for other companies to follow. His cost-saving ideas, such as the assembly line, allowed him to pay his workers very high wages. There were a lot of important people between 1900 and 1940, but Henry Ford was definitely one of the best. He was very idealistic, and those ideas led him to major success. Overall, Henry Ford made several permanent impacts on corporate America in the early 1900s. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Good writing! An interesting thing, to discuss at some point, is Ford's view of Hitler. Having lived in Michigan, his sympathy towards Hitler is a reason that I would have less respect for him. It's an interesting toss up....can you respect a man who in one sense did good, while at the same time despise something else about him?... http://reformation.org/henry-ford.html (But there are other spots to look, too) BUT, I'd love for my daughter to write as well as your son. Carrie:-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Good writing. I tried to be nit-picky but it was hard! I think that American society should have the American capitalized but not society. Was his unique business and labor practices limited to the use of the assembly line? He has a paragraph devoted to this but only refers back up to what was said in the paragraph before on the assembly line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted March 13, 2009 Author Share Posted March 13, 2009 Thank you for the comments so far. He did not come across Ford's involvement in the Third Reich. Very interesting and disturbing! He asked his dad if he should talk about that in his paper but DH feels that would be off topic from the original purpose of the paper. He also admits to the paragraph about the unique business and labor tactics being shallow. I helped him look at the last line to develop the idea in more details. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 I think it's very good. I'm not at all used to what 12 yr olds should be able to write so this might be nit-picky but one thing I noticed was the overuse of a few words. He uses "cheap" or "cheaper" a bunch of times in the first 3 paragraphs and uses "easy" twice in the same sentence. I might suggest he think of other words that mean the same thing just to make it more interesting to read. Or just something to think about next time he's writing a paper. That's a small thing though and I think overall it's very good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted March 13, 2009 Author Share Posted March 13, 2009 I think it's very good. I'm not at all used to what 12 yr olds should be able to write so this might be nit-picky but one thing I noticed was the overuse of a few words. That's a very good point! That is something my teachers were always warning me about as well. We'll write that in his notebook so he can remember to check for it as he writes more papers. Thank you! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 (edited) I think it would be useful to go back through the paper, and have your son ask himself if every time he's made a generalization, if he has backed up the assertion in some fashion. Many of the statements seem quite unsupported. If your son keeps asking himself "how?", "why"?, or "in what way?", the paper will improve immensely. If he says "priced less" have him ask himself "than what"? This sort of test is need all the way through. Some of the phraseology is not good. Calling an assembly line a "handy tool", or the use of "consumerism as a whole" in the open is not ideal. And, as has been pointed out the phrase "cheap and simple" is used repeatedly, and the point is redundant. Using "cheap" as a synonym for "inexpensive" would get negative marks from any old-fashioned English teacher. I don't like it. On content, one of Mr Ford's most important contributions has been given short shrift. Ford believed in paying workers well, more than he could have under market conditions at the time, because he believed only well paid workers could afford to purchase consumer products like his own Ford automobiles. In some measure Ford is responsible for bringing industrialized worker into the American middle class. While an "idealist", some of Ford's ideals unfortunately included anti-Semitism and this led to his sponsoring the publication of anti-Jewish propaganda. So one needs to be careful when saying a person was "one of the best." This has been awfully tough, but I hope there are some constructive ideas for your son here. It's those who were most tough on me that I learned the most from (no matter how angry the criticism may have made me at the time). This is a good start. But work on it, and make it better yet. Bill Edited March 13, 2009 by Spy Car Wow, a lot of sloppy mistakes for someone giving out advice. Physician heal thyself ;-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted March 13, 2009 Author Share Posted March 13, 2009 This has been awfully tough, but I hope there are some constructive ideas for your son here. Very helpful Bill, thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Very helpful Bill, thank you! Whew! I was worried I had been a mean old man :D Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted March 13, 2009 Author Share Posted March 13, 2009 Whew! I was worried I had been a mean old man :D Bill No, not at all! DH and I read it together and discussed it and totally agree with you. We're just going to pass some of it for THIS paper because we don't want to discourage Jeffrey by criticising his efforts too much. He was really bummed about having to write the paper at all and we took the process slowly so that he could do the work independently and not feel overwhelmed. He feels quite good about the paper and admits it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. I'm hoping that the next paper won't take as many days of small steps and we can spend more time on polishing. I love your idea of asking how and why for the points to make sure he's giving supportive details. Your points are very valid and they give us something to strive for in future papers. My DH knows what a good paper looks like but we aren't exactly sure how to teach it, if that makes sense. That's why we asked for comments. We're taking note of everything to help us now and with future assignments. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 I agree with the overuse of the words cheap and simple. It gives the essay the feeling that it is just repeating the same thing over and over rather than adding additional information. The other thing I noticed is that he used the verb "was" excessively rather than rewording sentences to enable the use of more interesting verbs. I'd also like to see more varied sentence structure. An example: Because Ford utilized an efficient assembly line, both the time and cost to manufacture products decreased. This allowed Ford to offer reduced prices to consumers, making the Model T more available to the average citizen. I don't know if this is a reasonable expectation for a 12 year old. I'm only aware of it because IEW teaches both concepts from their earliest level so I'm used to looking for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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