daughter wants to sing but......

[paulcindy]

Okay, she wants to sing at an open mic night for the tween advisory board get together next Friday. She is 10. The teen advisory board girls will be there as well. These are not homeschooled kids.

 

Of course, she is my daughter and I think it is great that she loves to sing. But, as much as I love her, she cannot sing. At all.

 

I am afraid the kids may laugh at her. I hope they don't. I am not sure what to tell her.

 

I tried to persuade her to recite a poem. Nope. She wants to sing. She is very dramatic, and if someone says something to her, I am afraid she will break out in tears.

 

What would you do?:confused:

[yslek]

I don't know. I do know some young ladies who loved to sing & perform, but really couldn't stay in tune (although they have beautiful voices...sad combo :() They used to get up and perform at functions quite frequently in their pre-teen and teen years. They usually were praised and very much appreciated. It could be a chance to really build her self-esteem. (Unless, of course, you know that some of the viewers are the snarky types...then I'm back to "I don't know".) :tongue_smilie:

[SonshineLearner]

Record a song of hers and have her listen back to it. The heart break of telling her is not worse than the heartbreak of being made fun of. Think, "American Idol."

Carrie

[Tap]

Okay, she wants to sing at an open mic night for the tween advisory board get together next Friday. She is 10. The teen advisory board girls will be there as well. These are not homeschooled kids.

 

Of course, she is my daughter and I think it is great that she loves to sing. But, as much as I love her, she cannot sing. At all.

 

I am afraid the kids may laugh at her. I hope they don't. I am not sure what to tell her.

 

I tried to persuade her to recite a poem. Nope. She wants to sing. She is very dramatic, and if someone says something to her, I am afraid she will break out in tears.

 

What would you do?:confused:

 

 

I would find a very nice, gentle way to say that she isn't quite "ready" to preform for an audience. Offer to get voice lessons if you can afford it. Maybe she can try again next year.

 

My dd10 is the same way...I know how it hurts to tell the truth.

[paulcindy]

That's the thing. I am not sure if these girls are the "snarky" type. She has already asked me "What if they start laughing at me while I am singing??". I told her to keep singing and not worry about it. But I did tell her it could be a possiblity. If they laugh, and even if the adults tell them to knock it off, the damage will already be done.

 

Of course she asks me "Am I good", what am I supposed to say? So I just said, "Well if you are not sure, maybe you could do your poem recitation". She doesn't want to do that.

 

I just read some of the other responses, and I think it would be better for me to just tell her she is not ready, and these kids could very well be mean and cruel. Better to come from me, then from them.

 

What a predicament. :confused: Sometimes being a mom really stinks.

 

Thank you.

Edited March 1, 2009 by paulcindy

[Renthead Mommy]

Of course she asks me "Am I good", what am I supposed to say? So I just said, "Well if you are not sure, maybe you could do your poem recitation". She doesn't want to do that.

 

 

 

You can tell her that her voice is still growing and hers is at an awkward stage right now for singing.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

A recording is a great idea. I know that my kids are always surprised that their voices don't have the depth and tone that they hear themselves.

[KJB]

When I was about 10, my school had a talent contest. My friend and I were going to play the ukulele and sing a song. We practiced and practiced and then finally went to try out. I'll never forget the experience. I played my heart out and sang as loud as I could, after which the adult running the try-out said to me, "Why don't you just play the ukulele, dear, and let Elizabeth do all the singing." :lol:

 

And to this day, I do not sing. Every time I sing at church, it's a muffled half lip-sync kind of thing as I laugh to myself and repeat those words. "Why don't you just play the ukulele, dear...." My MIL, who has a beautiful voice and taught piano for many years, tells me I'm not bad. She encourages me when we have to sing the birthday song and all of that. When I told her the ukulele story, she was furious. She has tried, over the years, to rehabilitate me. :D

 

If I were you, I'd let her sing. I'd encourage her, clap for her, and give the evil eye to anyone who would damper her spirit. Has she watched American Idol? You could let her watch and explain that some people are like Simon and some people are like Paula and there are a whole lot of people in between. You sing for yourself. You don't worry about everybody else. If she thinks she's good, that's good enough. And tell her just that, and warn her that some people might be mean to her because everyone's a critic.... That's showbiz.

 

You learn a lot more in life from the challenges of dealing with people than from the pats on the back. IMO, your Mom should be your biggest fan. It's the rest of the world's job to put you in your place. And they will. And you might have to help pick up the pieces, but that's OK. Or, it might go a lot better than you expect and your daughter might have a positive experience. That's OK, too.

 

If this is a church function, or even if it's not, you could share your story with the adults in charge and give them the opportunity to explain to the crowd in a general way before the performances that being a rude audience member won't be tolerated. A stern reminder for the audience to be kind to people with guts enough to perform could go a long way.... And then, don't forget to praise the heck out of your daughter for having guts to get up there, because that's what this opportunity is really about.

Edited March 2, 2009 by KJB

[paulcindy]

You know KJB, you have given me a lot to think about. What you say makes a lot of sense. Of course, I am ber biggest fan, no matter what she does:D And I am a kick-butt kind of mom. But as a mother, you know those protective instincts come out full force:001_smile:

 

I am glad I came here to ask for advice because I am able to see opinions from both sides.

 

Thanks to all of you for helping out with this. I am going to think about how to proceed, and will update you.

[FriedClams]

That's the thing. I am not sure if these girls are the "snarky" type. She has already asked me "What if they start laughing at me while I am singing??".

 

I would let her know that it's a possibility. But for us, we do all things to please the Lord not others. If God's put on her heart to sing - then sing to Him. Have a blast. Praise Him with her efforts. And smile a lot.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

When I was about 10, my school had a talent contest. My friend and I were going to play the ukulele and sing a song. We practiced and practiced and then finally went to try out. I'll never forget the experience. I played my heart out and sang as loud as I could, after which the adult running the try-out said to me, "Why don't you just play the ukulele, dear, and let Elizabeth do all the singing." :lol:

 

And to this day, I do not sing. Every time I sing at church, it's a muffled half lip-sync kind of thing as I laugh to myself and repeat those words. "Why don't you just play the ukulele, dear...." My MIL, who has a beautiful voice and taught piano for many years, tells me I'm not bad. She encourages me when we have to sing the birthday song and all of that. When I told her the ukulele story, she was furious. She has tried, over the years, to rehabilitate me. :D

 

If I were you, I'd let her sing. I'd encourage her, clap for her, and give the evil eye to anyone who would damper her spirit. Has she watched American Idol? You could let her watch and explain that some people are like Simon and some people are like Paula and there are a whole lot of people in between. You sing for yourself. You don't worry about everybody else. If she thinks she's good, that's good enough. And tell her just that, and warn her that some people might be mean to her because everyone's a critic.... That's showbiz.

 

You learn a lot more in life from the challenges of dealing with people than from the pats on the back. IMO, your Mom should be your biggest fan. It's the rest of the world's job to put you in your place. And they will. And you might have to help pick up the pieces, but that's OK. Or, it might go a lot better than you expect and your daughter might have a positive experience. That's OK, too.

 

If this is a church function, or even if it's not, you could share your story with the adults in charge and give them the opportunity to explain to the crowd in a general way before the performances that being a rude audience member won't be tolerated. A stern reminder for the audience to be kind to people with guts enough to preform could go a long way.... And then, don't forget to praise the heck out of your daughter for having guts to get up there, because that's what this opportunity is really about.

 

 

Hooray! Yes! Please listen to this advice. I have met SO many people who were told at age 10 or 11 that they couldn't sing, and they never sang again. It sometimes makes me sad, but it frequently makes me mad!

 

Please don't say anything to your dear sweet girl that will discourage her from singing. I believe that singing was given as gift to each individual as a gift. It is for the heart and soul and spirit. It expresses emotions that words can't. It feeds the heart in a way that nothing else can. If that love for singing is squashed at such a tender age, it becomes crippled. If it is squashed by someone the child loves and respects (like you), it may never grow back.

 

Please take KJB's advice. It was right on.

 

You might mention that some kids put other kids down in an attempt to feel better about themselves. But, that your dd shouldn't listen to their lies.

 

You might talk to the coordinators to see if you can get them to institute a family-togetherness seating policy. If all the kids are sitting with their parents, rather than with each other in little cliques, they will be much less likely to cause embarrassment or other problems.