It's that time of year again.I'm discouraged.

[Bee]

Not about homeschooling but about the choices that go along with it. I have wonderful plans for next year's curriculum.I'm getting ready to buy it and now I'm wondering "Why bother?" Dh is having fits because youngest dd doesn't know who the pilgrims are and why are we wasting our time studying world history when American history is what they teach in schools? Oldest dd has spent the majority of this year promptly forgetting everything she just learned (except math). Youngest dd, in a houseful of people who love to read, refuses to read for fun and complains bitterly if I have her read more than one chapter a day in a simple chapter book. It's not that she can't read.She says it's boring. She wants textbooks next year.And I'm wondering why in the world I'm wasting my time and energy stressing over finding just the right books and just the right programs to make learning meaningful and enjoyable for the children when they don't care what I pick and it apparently (at least in the case of oldest dd) doesn't matter because they don't plan on remembering any of it anyway.

I'm tempted to go with all textbooks for both of them just so at least I know we are covering the basics.There will be tests.There will be "you have to do it because it's in the book". There will be some sort of standards to reach besides my own.I don't know, maybe my expectations are just too high.But my children don't do half the work that I see other peoples' children doing so I'm not sure that's it.

[Chris in VA]

They don't have to enjoy it. They just have to do it.

 

Tell your husband that in order to really understand the Pilgrims, they have to understand Western Civilization, and that starts with the Ancients. Tell him you don't want the standard in your house to be public school education--you have higher aspirations.

 

I know how hard it is to have a reluctant reader. I would try books on tape, reading aloud and those kinds of things, and I'd check for disfluency to make sure reading is not unduly hard for her, but in the end, I'd tell her to suck it up and keep assigning what you think is important, and just "be the Mommy." Don't take her complaints (edit) personally, and let go of the need for everything to be pleasant and everyone to be pleased.

 

As long as your curriculum is for your children and not for you (matched to their learning style), you should be ok. Of course, you have to take yourself into consideration, too--it has to be relatively easy for you to teach, or at least doable, but you may have preferences that they don't--hands-on vs not hands-on, for example. They may well like textbooks--and it could be because they are logical and want more of a sequential style to their learning--or it could be something entirely different (not as demanding, perhaps, as writing papers or doing narrations). Keep your expectations high, because your kids need to know that what they are learning is important, and will decide their future.

 

Hang in there.

Edited March 1, 2009 by Chris in VA

[Alana in Canada]

What Chris said!

 

Honestly, at that age the short term memory is all wired funny. It'll show up when you least expect it!

 

As for reading--my kids wouldn't even read that much until I instituted an incentive program. (sigh).

 

If a child *wants* a textbook, I'd give her one--on top of everything else. Ask her to outline it for accountability.

 

As for your dh--well, sorry, no advice, there.

[Chelle in MO]

I couldn't agree more with Chris!

 

Also, this is a wearying time of year. I get tired just putting one foot in front of the other, nevermind all the other stuff I have to do!

 

Hang in there!

 

Chelle

[the floating cottage]

I would be willing to bet most public school children forget the details of what they learn. I know personally I remember very LITTLE about what I learned in school.

[Nicole M]

I would be willing to bet most public school children forget the details of what they learn. I know personally I remember very LITTLE about what I learned in school.

 

Oh, come now. I bet you remember all kinds of important stuff... like I do! Like, about Jim Duncan, who sat in front of me in 7th grade French, and how his eyes were a twinkling gray....

[SonshineLearner]

Ok, so I know I say it all the time on here, but I love our Classical Conversations group. I love the memory work that slides into my children's brains without them meaning for it to.... (And yes, we have a true memory system to make sure that it stays right in their little brains)

You could do CC on your own.. You could do some Living Memory? Drew's book.... It helps to have your children have little sparkles of sound smarts...and they are important facts....to help those times when you're feeling down.

I love the whole memorizing the timeline thing, too. CC uses Veritas Press cards, but you could use any set of history facts that you find important. We do sets of 8, but I hear that the secret of memorizing facts is in sets of 7...so....if you're doing it on your own...

And as far as reading, my children love the cds... It shouldn't be a surprise that a 7 year old could hate to read....Maybe a sticker chart of something? My daughter didn't want to read until I started letting her read Harry Potter...

 

Carrie:-)

[PollyOR]

It sounds like what is really bothering you is your family's ingratitude. :grouphug:

It doesn't help that your DH is being less than supportive. You could start giving him little quizzes in passing. Ya know, things that he ought to have learned in elementary school. And, when he says he doesn't remember you could sweetly mention that your kids have the same problem. ;)

 

I don't know about boys, but girls' hormones really mess with their brains. Explaining that to your DH may help him understand her better.

 

To help my 10yodd remember what she has already studied, I make a Rolodex into a revolving set of flashcards. She has to go through them every day. Drilling seems to help it stick.

 

Hopefully your family will show more gratitude tomorrow. :)

[Friederike in Persia]

It sounds like what is really bothering you is your family's ingratitude. :grouphug:

 

:iagree: :grouphug:

 

They might well appreciate all that you're doing more when they're a bit older?!

[Karen sn]

Well since most kids think that Columbus DISCOVERED America - have no clue who Amerigo Vespucci was, and are completely misled about the truth with the pilgrims....I certainly wouldn't be comparing my 7yo to them!!!

 

If anything - at Thanksgiving or other holidays and special days - you can give the kids a quick overview of the myths associated with said days.

[Bee]

Or that they just don't have the same expectations that I do.I have to keep reminding myself that they are only children. Or maybe I'm just panicking that I'm somehow failing them although, deep down,I know they are learning things even if it's not necessarily what is in their school books. Or maybe it's because it's the weekend and I'm always feeling tired and stressed on the weekends and I shouldn't even think about such things then.Or uggh...even worse, this dreary late winter weather.Textbooks just make it all look so easy even though I don't really like using them especially for history and science.

[mom2abcd]

I've given our children more freedom to work independently and it isn't working so well. Dd just isn't one to do things on her own and ds used to be, but has developed a complaining attitude.

 

I'm tempted to do the "public school at home" thing some have done. Or at the least, make them sit at the kitchen table until the work is done. (They'd rather go off and read in their rooms, etc.)

 

This has been a very hard year for us because I've had to work a lot.

 

I'd say I can't wait for summer, but we'll have to do a lot over the summer.

[Lizzie in Ma]

Dear Bee,

For whatever it may be worth, let me share a few thoughts and a few stories from our relatively short years of homeschooling. (going on 8) My kids are the same ages as yours so I hope you may be able to use a bit of this.

And forgive the "ramblingness", I haven't time for organizing my thoughts as completely as I would like.

 

First, we all feel that way sometimes. We spend hours and hours researching, tweaking, scrimping to purchase and implementing things we hope will work best for our family. And they are often utterly unimpressed with our efforts.:confused:

 

Secondly, it sometimes comes as a rude shock that your children have different learning styles and temperaments making all those careful, prayerful, thoughtful purchases obsolete with the 2nd or the 3rd child. All of a sudden your dreams of combining them at their own level with the curriculum YOU adore goes out the window and you are discouraged anew. You may even doubt yourself at this point and wonder if you have any idea what you are doing or even if you should be doing it.

 

Third, if you are schooling classically, then while your child may say she "forgot" everything she has learned, the rotations build on each other so that they come to a fuller, deeper understanding of what they study and this takes time. And believe me I used to be pulling my hair out when my dd would make the very same claim!

When we took the Stanfords the 1st three years my dd bombed the standard US history questions. She didn't know who Rosa Parks was nor Martin Luther King Jr. Why? Because she had been immersed in learning of the Greeks, the Romans, Constantine, Beowulf, King Arthur, Martin Luther, and more. She didn't do well on that section, not because she was poorly schooled, but because these tests are not made to test the range of knowledge of a classically schooled child. You and I do not have to follow, worry about, or even care if we are keeping up with the local public school. (at least in Ma I don't):001_rolleyes:

 

At this point I have to share, in order for this to make the most sense, that we were convicted to home school and for us there is no other option. So alternatives like putting them in school, any school, are not for us.

So where does that leave me when I am discouraged? A week or even two off to renew and reconvict, to just enjoy each other and reassess where we are, how we got here and how we are going to go further. I always grab the book "When You Rise Up", by R.C. Sproul Jr. and read it again, highlighting more, memorizing more, remembering why we were led to do what we do in the first place.

 

Some other things I have learned that have been helpful.

It helps that I don't really care if they don't like everything they have to do.

I don't.

At this point, I know not to engage in a battle over math because I have learned a key thing. The battle....pay attention now, this is important, is NOT about the math. The math is just the point at which they are choosing to begin a battle and the real battle is a heart and a discipline issue.

This is such a hard age to deal with sometimes. I don't always deal with it with grace. Sometimes I am a banshee and I KNOW she says things like "I'm bored" just to push my buttons. I know better but sometimes boy, I do loose it no matter how much insight I have gained on these things. I am only human.;)

 

And that is where it gets really hard, and really exhausting isn't it? :banghead: Because it is easy for us to let the math be the issue and try to teach the lesson so they understand it. So much easier than to get down to the work of figuring out the heart issue, talking about it and resolving it. Especially when you had to put them in their room to work until they could change their attitude enough to be able to listen in the first place. And when they have, you've rarely had enough time to regroup. And don't forget that while you are doing all this, you still have another child, or children, who need your help, time, love, and/or attention. How DO people do this?? :D

 

Your dd says she wants textbooks. It is your decision, but I might let her have them IF she understands that this is how her entire year will be done. No deciding later on that it wasn't really what she thought it would be at all.

 

I wouldn't be concerned if she is bored. Too bad. If she were not being challenged that would be another story entirely mind you. Here "I'm bored" gets you assigned to washing windows and emptying cat litter boxes and anything else I can come up with until that gets old fast. And then they still have to complete the assignment!

You are the teacher, they are the students. It is your job to assess and make changes for the NEED of the child at YOUR discretion.

I have only just begun to give my 7th grader some input into this and do you know what? After the years of temperament difficulties, and working through heart issues and discipline, she said she liked things they way they were!!!

(see I told you it wasn't the math)

 

One of the things I have always done to help myself to be the Mom and teacher I want and need to be is this. I get up before dawn and do my chores, make my husbands lunch and take care of feeding my soul with my favorite devotional at the moment and prayer. Then I have some computer time to myself and eat before I wake the kids.

I do this because if I don't get that time to enjoy the peace and quiet and enjoy my household at rest, I am not always ready or even temperamentally suited to rise to the tasks of my day. It isn't always easy but it is always worth it. (even today when I was up til midnight playing Sims Castaway on the Wii)

 

Also on the sanity saving side, we require that they help around the house.

Once I wake them, they do morning chores before anything else, we are all part of the home and share in keeping it a nice place to be. There is a list and they just have to work from it. Easy peasy. And no, the 8 year old doesn't sweep as well as the 13 year old, who doesn't sweep as well as I do. I got over it. :lol:

 

I read to them while they eat. Right now we are using the Family Guide to Narnia and going through the series. Then we say a little prayer and they are allowed to add whatever they would like. I also read to them from "How to Be A Lady". A delightful old book with wonderful things for them to ponder upon. It helps to set the tone for our day and gives us a little more "cuddle time" which the older one seems to yearn for as much as the younger.

 

In addition to assigned reading for school, both of them have a bookshelf of classics to choose from and must read an hour a day in their book of choice.

I also require 30 minutes of Bible reading. (adjust time and Bible for ages) No one complains because they know it isn't optional and I try to make it special by having favorite comfy chairs to curl in, favorite snacks and drinks and let them pick what scent candles to light in the room. I always read right along with them from my own bookshelf of classics (or whatever my older one is reading) and I read the same Bible passages they are choosing so we can discuss it if they want to.

I do this for several reasons. I adore reading. I want them to see that it is important to me. I want them to see me looking words I don't know in the dictionary and jotting them in the margins. I want them to know always that reading the classics may be hard work but that it doesn't preclude joy of them.

 

I have all the faith in the world that you CAN do this if it is your choice to do so Bee. Have joy in your journey and take my words with as much salt as needed. :)

[Bee]

And roses. While I'm at it, chocolates for everyone who talked me down off my ledge and let me know it's all going to be ok.

 

I love the idea of a shelf full of classics and good books for the children to choose from. And you're so right when you said that sometimes it's those second children who throw our best laid plans awry. For us, sending the children to any sort of school doesn't appear to be an option.Neither child wants to go to school. (The oldest says she'd go to boarding school if she could but since we don't have any rich relatives and magical abilities don't run in the family, that's probably not going to happen.)

[Lizzie in Ma]

Sometimes I wish I could go off to boarding school!:lol:

[In The Great White North]

This seems to happen to us every year around now. Have you considered that it may have little to do with the dc and much more to do with the season?

 

A week off in the Bahamas would work wonders for me:001_smile: (and dc!!)

 

Well, maybe just some more vitamin D and a few natural light bulbs?