If you are INFJ, did you go to college? Can you tell me about it?

[Guest Katia]

I am INFJ. I did not go to college because I couldn't stand the thought of it: I had already knocked myself out being perfect in high school (4.0, Valedictorian) and I needed a break. Etc. Etc.

 

ANYhow, my youngest dd is also INFJ...and I don't know how college will work for her. Right now she is 16yo, 11th grade and I can't even get her to talk to me about a college, let alone look at one. sigh.

 

And, she is smart (like I was). Good grades (like I had). Tests very high (like I did).

 

I do NOT want her to hear what I had to hear: "What a waste." "You are ruining your life." "You'll regret this." But unfortunately, I find myself thinking them. And then I'm mad at myself. But.....but....she does have so much potential.....and dreams.......and aspirations.....(I did not. I wanted to be a SAHM always)

 

Sometimes I do regret that I didn't have certain experiences that are available only in college, but........naw.......I'm happy where I'm at. My life/career is what I've always wanted. But life is different now. I think girls need to have a degree and a marketable skill, and be able to support themselves in comfort.

 

If you are INFJ and went to college, how did that go? Any problems? Anything for me to watch out for? Or ways to encourage her? Anything?

[dirty ethel rackham]

I went to college and did well. College was expected. It simply did not occur to me not to go. I did struggle with perfectionism and procrastination. I knew I had difficulty in large groups so I forced myself to join groups and do extracurricular things. This forced me to work on my weaker areas. College was good for me in many ways. I had a difficult relationship with my parents at the time and loved being out of their home.

 

In retrospect, I might have done better at a smaller college rather than a large university, but couldn't afford to go to anything but a state school. I guess I would encourage her to look for a place that "felt right." I would encourage her to find activities that give her an opportunity to meet people so that she can forge friendships. (I called that "donning my extrovert suit" so that I could get out there - then I could take it off and be myself with some close trusted friends.) I would also encourage her to respect her own need for quiet and make room and time for that.

 

hth,

[TeacherZee]

I am INFJ and I went to college straight from high school. I didn't want to loose the momentum I had. I chose a major that seemed safe. I was good at it in school. It promised a safe career.

 

Looking back I wish I had taken some time off and thought about what I really loved doing. I didn't go with my favourite subject in school (English lit) because I didn't know what I would do with it and I the fact that I am mildly dyslexic meant that I thought I couldn't get a good grade in it. My self critical side wouldn't do something I couldn't be perfect at.

 

I am glad that I went away because it forced me to come out of my introverted shell. I have always and will always be happiest at home but I know I can go away without keeling over. I learned coping strategies in social situations that have served me well later in life.

 

That might be something you would want to talk to your daughter about. How can she cope in situations where there are a lot of new people. Situations where there are a lot of extroverts.

 

It has taken me a lot of time (and some therapy) to realise that I don't have to be perfect at everything. A B isn't a failure. To balance doing well in school and doing well at life.

 

I wish her and you the best of luck. :grouphug:

[klmama]

I attended a large state university to save money. If I could do it over, I'd attend a smaller college with smaller teacher-student ratio. It was all a little too impersonal. I like being alone, but I like knowing people, too. At a larger school that is even harder for an INFJ. When I changed majors, it was hard to break into new relationships with people in my new major. My social group throughout college were those from my original major, and that was not always a good thing. At a smaller college, it would be easier to know people in the different majors from the beginning.

 

 

[klmama]

Duplicate post. I don't understand why that happens sometimes! Sorry!

Edited February 23, 2009 by klmama

[TeacherZee]

Thinking about the other replies I wanted to add.

 

With regards to the living situation I actually stumbled upon an ideal situation. I went to uni in the UK. We had apartment dorms our freshman year. In my building the apartments each had four bedrooms and a shared kitchen/living room. The apartments were single sex but the stairwell was mixed. No one shared a bedroom. We were friendly with the boys next door but they rarely came over to our place we were far more likely to hang out at theirs. This set up was great for me because it did force some social interaction but I could close my door and be by myself if I needed it. One of the girls I shared with that year was one of my best friends all the way through college. She was and INFJ too (I think).

 

I think something similar would be good for your daughter if the college offers it.

 

I also agree with those who say smaller college might be better. Mine was big but actually had a smallish feel despite being in the middle of a city. The humanities campus was pretty small so you got to recognise people.

[Harriet Vane]

I attended a large state university and had a really good experience there. However, there were also some frustrations.

 

I had a good experience because I joined a campus Bible study group and found a great group of friends there. The bigness of the campus did not bother me because I felt comfortable with my friends.

 

I was frustrated with many of my classes. I went to a small private high school, and overall the classes were very well taught there. At my state university, however, the majority of my classes just did not measure up to the caliber of my high school classes. I found it difficult to do the work when I perceived it pointless. For that reason, I think I might have done better somewhere smaller, or perhaps somewhere with a stronger English/Writing program.

 

I enjoyed dorm life a great deal because so many of my friends were nearby. On the other hand, the immature antics and noise around me were very hard on me. However, I chose to live in dorms that were known for being loud, and had a large percentage of the general populace, so to speak. In retrospect, I wish I had chosen to either live in a women's dorm, or in a set of dorms that were known for being quieter, where a lot of English majors lived. I think my experience would have been quite positive had I done so. I started in the loud dorms because that's where my roommate had already lived for three years.

 

I agree that a girl needs a marketable skill. Rather than making goals negatively ("I won't go to college"), I would encourage your dd to make her goals positively ("I would like to be a teacher" or whatever). Once she knows what marketable skill is appealing, then she can determine what training she needs to get there, whether that be college or otherwise.

[tajott]

I'm sorry..I'm new here. Please forgive my ignorance.

 

what is INFJ?

 

Teresa

[sweetTN]

Hi, my name is.....,and I'm an INFJ.

 

Sorry, couldn't resist:lol:

 

I did not go to college until after I was married and had 3 dc. Education was not high priority when I was a child, and then life just sort of happened. Marriage, dc, husband's job moved us around the country continually. It took 10 years of taking classed here and there to just get an AA in Liberal Arts.

[KS_]

If you are INFJ and went to college, how did that go? Any problems? Anything for me to watch out for? Or ways to encourage her? Anything?

 

Well, I did go to college, but it was 4 years after high school, getting married and then divorced. . .I started the college application process, but got overwhelmed with it all (I have perfectionist tendencies, wanted to go to a well rated college, and that coupled with never feeling like I met my parents' expectations, made me worry that I'd fail, so I gave up before I could actually fail). So I married my high school boyfriend, but after a couple years started wanting more out of life and felt like I hadn't fulfilled my potential.

 

So I started pursuing college again, and got accepted at one of the well rated colleges (ended up going to a less expensive one, though), and although I am not working outside of the home, I *am* glad I went and accomplished what I wanted to. I didn't have a lot of the typical college experiences since I was a few years older, had been married and divorced, and then remarried while still in college (so my focus was different and I was at a different place in life than many fellow students).

 

I guess my advice would be to let her know it's OK if she doesn't want to go, or if she wants to take a few years off, or even if she goes and then doesn't finish . . .if it's something she wants to pursue, she needs to do it for herself, and not for anyone else.

[Dawn E]

Not a certified INFJ, but was deemed one by two of the tests so far...

 

Anyway, I stayed home the first two years and got all of the basics (those freshman and sophomore classes that would have had hundreds of classmates at the university) out of the way in rather average sized (20-40) classes through community college. I did this for financial reasons, though, not social ones, but looking back I'm quite happy to have missed that experience. By the time I transferred to the university of my choice (also a large state school) I was taking classes towards my major, so they were smaller, more personal.

 

I was terrified of big groups, but forced myself to attend a campus ministry meeting. I met friends through that organization that will be friends for life. It allowed me to develop deep, rich friendships, as well as gave me the opportunity to grow. I joined council, became a member of a traveling singing group and went on short-term mission trips. By the end of my college career, I worked as an intern for the group. BTW--I stretched my college time by a couple of years, so I still got the full four year experience at the university. I had scholarships at the community college, so I didn't pay much for that time at all.

 

I LOVED my college experience. Before college I had always put myself in a box marked "shy, quiet, reserved." College helped me to appreciate my personality while also helping me to shed some of the limitations I had placed on myself because of it.

Edited February 23, 2009 by Dawn E

[Guest Katia]

Wow. These are all terrific and very, very helpful so far. I'm going to print them off and read and re-read them.

 

If there are any more of you, I'd love more insight!

 

Thanks so much, all of you who have responded.:grouphug:

[percytruffle]

I went to a smallish, Christian college and had a good experience. It seemed "safe" going in because my room mate-to-be was someone my former minister knew and recommended. Also, I requested a study floor so that it would be quiet and tame. Lastly, I kept a part of me separate from school, going home each weekend, working, and attending my church.

 

I did well in college and enjoyed it for the most part. I continued on at the same college to earn my masters degree as well. It is my understanding, having done a significant amount of reading about my type, that INFJ's gravitate toward higher education and seem to thrive there if the environment is suitable. We tend to find more and more like-minded people the higher we go in education and we enjoy the mental challenge. I agree with the previous poster who stated that she lost interest in trying in some of her courses because they weren't challenging enough and were less challenging than her high school equivalents! Same thing happened to me. lol

 

So, be encouraged, don't let your dd be afraid of life. As an INFJ yourself, your first instinct is to empathize with her and protect her. That won't help her to grow as much as encouraging her and then having the expectation that she will go to college. It's doable and even pleasurable once you are past the initial fears. I would have gone on to a doctorate if there were one to pursue in my field of art education! I feel I can never learn enough. That need is always there. Perhaps that was why homeschooling was such a good fit.

[Staci in MO]

I actually liked the dorm. It was easier to form close friendships when we all lived together. By college, all the high school silliness was over, so the friendships I did form were real and lasting.

 

Like another poster said, though, I didn't choose a major that I truly loved, just something that would be safe and would enable me to get a good job. I didn't struggle much with perfectionism, but I did struggle with procrastination (which is likely just passive-aggressive perfectionism).

 

I made it through with decent grades. I sometimes wish I would have picked a different major, but other than that, I have no regrets. All in all, college was an extremely happy time of life, and I have many fond memories of those years. I look back on them often.

[melissel]

I'm sorry..I'm new here. Please forgive my ignorance.

 

what is INFJ?

 

Teresa

 

Here you go, this should help you:

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/INFJ

 

:D