Eos Posted April 13 Share Posted April 13 (edited) . Edited April 13 by Eos Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeppermintPattie Posted April 13 Share Posted April 13 On 4/12/2024 at 10:51 AM, homeschoolin'mygirls said: Just for clarification- this is not a relationship ender for me . I just spent 3 days with him in hospital while he was treated for uti. Got him home to rehab yesterday. he calls me 2-3 times daily. I. Dpoke with jim just 20 minutes ago. I am in frequent contact with his doctors and monitor/ manage his medical care. That won’t change house was appraised at $350-500 at the time of agreement- they put a selling price of $250,000 she is paying $500 a month She jokingly told me that it will take until Dad is 102 to pay it off ( he’s 87 now) at the time of his death, remainder of debt is canceled and that $250,000 covers everything- all building, tractors, shops with expensive equipment and 70 acres land i have no intention of taking this further. I had trouble believing he planned this because he’s always put a focus on fairness but he clearly stated what he wants done and i will respect that As recommended by posters, i am going to look into counseling, take time and let myself have the hurt feeling, meditate on peace and continue with my family relationships. Would appreciate good thoughts/ prayers for inner peace and healing about this something else we’re sharing? Turns out he had covid as well as UTI . Now c/g sister, my mom, and I are all sharing that with him as well 😷😷😁 Will your sister inherit the house when your dad passes away, or once both have passed? I'm curious (but you don't have to answer this) if your other siblings are aware and complaining at all. Also, is there anything in writing that says that your sister will be giving you a share? I would find this situation very upsetting. I am the more stable sibling in my family, or at least I was for years and years. One of my siblings has improved immensely in how he handles money. I never understood why my parents were so quick to help them and never me. I didn't need it as badly, but that was because I had too much respect for my parents to ask them to pay for my bad choices, so it seemed especially hard-to-understand when my siblings were helped and helped and helped some more. Sometimes it was big things - like giving one a house. Sometimes it was little things - like going out to eat together and paying every one's bill but my family's/mine. It went on for years and years. Then one day, my mom gave me a huge chunk of money, telling me she knew it hadn't been fair. I was grateful and relieved. Especially relieved. I will pray for you to come to a resolution about this, but I'm also praying that your parents consider the situation more carefully. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolin'mygirls Posted April 14 Author Share Posted April 14 (edited) On 4/13/2024 at 1:12 PM, PeppermintPattie said: Will your sister inherit the house when your dad passes away, or once both have passed? I'm curious (but you don't have to answer this) if your other siblings are aware and complaining at all. Also, is there anything in writing that says that your sister will be giving you a share? I would find this situation very upsetting. I am the more stable sibling in my family, or at least I was for years and years. One of my siblings has improved immensely in how he handles money. I never understood why my parents were so quick to help them and never me. I didn't need it as badly, but that was because I had too much respect for my parents to ask them to pay for my bad choices, so it seemed especially hard-to-understand when my siblings were helped and helped and helped some more. Sometimes it was big things - like giving one a house. Sometimes it was little things - like going out to eat together and paying every one's bill but my family's/mine. It went on for years and years. Then one day, my mom gave me a huge chunk of money, telling me she knew it hadn't been fair. I was grateful and relieved. Especially relieved. I will pray for you to come to a resolution about this, but I'm also praying that your parents consider the situation more carefully. The plan at This moment that the house and properties will be inheriting sisters when both parents are gone. There is talk now of escalating that process and just transferring ownership now. initially, inheriting sister was to buy out other siblings shares. Somehow that changed and is no longer part of the will. My other siblings are not happy with this. Several siblings are dealing with by removing valuable tools and machinery from the estate. I am not doing that or planning to act against my parents wishes My father made it clear in the discussion we had that it is an intentional choice and , as hurtful as it is, that is his right. An interesting terminology that fits me, and seems as if it might fit you, is the “curse of competence” I doubt if i even have to explain it. My parents also did the restaurant pay for everyone but my family, gave homemade desks freely as a gift to other siblings but charged me “ you can afford it” or left me out of gifting of money or time “ you dont really need it”. lots of soul searching going on here and actively striving to find peace with this. Thank you for your prayers Edited April 14 by homeschoolin'mygirls Spelling/clarity 1 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted April 15 Share Posted April 15 2 hours ago, homeschoolin'mygirls said: An interesting terminology that fits me, and seems as if it might fit you, is the “curse of competence” With my husband’s parents, it was blatant “rob Peter to pay Paul”. It wasn’t who is more competent but who they favor more. My husband started pushing back on always being the one giving time and money even when we were living hand to mouth with two under two. My in-laws asked for money when we had to take money from my parents for groceries. I am much more competent than my brother and my earning power was much higher when working. I am the one pampered not only by my parents but also by my relatives. I am not the favorite but as the youngest granddaughter on both sides, my relatives are just protective. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted April 15 Share Posted April 15 8 hours ago, homeschoolin'mygirls said: An interesting terminology that fits me, and seems as if it might fit you, is the “curse of competence” I doubt if i even have to explain it. My parents also did the restaurant pay for everyone but my family, gave homemade desks freely as a gift to other siblings but charged me “ you can afford it” or left me out of gifting of money or time “ you dont really need it”. lots of soul searching going on here and actively striving to find peace with this. Thank you for your prayers I'm sorry this is so hard.I experienced the daughter curse - my mother wanted to pay my brother for clearing her house and my husband for managing her finances. But not me for driving to the other end of the country to pick her up and bring her home, searching repeatedly for somewhere for her to live while she stayed with us for two years, driving her to all her appointments.... all while working full time. She said she wasn't paying me because 'Daughters are different '. This from a woman active in the Women's Movement in the 1970s. My husband insisted that she recognise that his payment was explicitly half mine. 1 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
livetoread Posted April 15 Share Posted April 15 I'm so sorry. That would be very hard for me, too. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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