s/o Alzheimer's?

[SW in IL]

My son and I live with my mom who is almost 82 years old. Especially over the past year or so, I've noticed a decline in her memory. Her doctor has already said that she needs to have live-in care, but she hasn't questioned her doctor as to why that is needed. She's slowly losing her vision to glaucoma but other than that (and a fall 2 years ago that resulted in a broken wrist) she's in pretty good health. She walks about a mile every day, weather permitting, is capable of doing her own cleaning and cooking, can drive herself to the bank and grocery store and anywhere else nearby that she needs to go.

 

What worries me, though, is her memory. She'll bring something to me and ask what it is, but usually it's something that isn't easily identifiable... such as the battery cover off of one of DS's toys. Some things though, like the orange caps of my son's insulin syringes, she asks about on a weekly basis. Today, for example, we dropped my son off with my ex husband. She must have asked me the same questions at least a dozen times... What time does J get off work? Are we going [grocery] shopping after we drop DS off? Where are we going for dinner? Why doesn't D (my 15yo dd who lives with my ex) want to come visit us? Am I going to get gas in [city where we meet my ex]? Several times she forgot the name of the city.

 

She also... well... I'm not quite sure how to put it... She complains more than she used to... almost constantly at times. We went to see a play in downtown Chicago a few weeks ago. We planned to leave at 6pm for the 7:30 curtain. At 5:50, she said she wanted to leave early. Well, the time to tell us that would have been more like 10 or 15 minutes before she wanted to leave. Then she complained about traffic the whole way to the show... complained that we should have left earlier like she suggested... complained that we wouldn't be able to stop for dinner before the show started... complained that the night was too cold and too dark... complained that she didn't think we'd find the theatre and/or parking garage... complained that she had to use the bathroom... on and on and on.

 

It's getting (gotten?) to where I dread spending time with her but it's unavoidable because we live with her. I'm really wondering if this could be beginning Alzheimer's and, if so, what I can do about it. She refuses to let me speak to her doctor... Actually, I guess I could talk to her doctor but her doctor wouldn't be able to tell me anything about her health because she won't consent. And, I'm kinda afraid that going behind her back and talking to her doctor (because my mom would definitely see it as going behind her back... even if I tell her I'm going to do it) will put a strain on our relationship. My mom would definitely not see it as me trying to help or look after her health, but rather she'd think I'm trying to ship her off to a nursing home to die.

 

Any thoughts? Ideas?

 

Thanks,

Sue

[Harriet Vane]

It sounds like early dementia to me. I think you should talk to her doctor, because there are medications that can slow the dementia and even improve the symptoms temporarily. Your mother doesn't have access to those medications of the doctor is unaware of the concern.

 

You can either insist on going with her to an appointment, or you can talk to the doctor privately by phone. He cannot tell you about your mother's health information, but he can listen to your concerns. Next time he sees your mother he can tell her that he wants to test her memory as a matter of routine and not mention you or your concerns at all.

 

I did this with my grandmother. I spoke to her doctor by phone both about Grandma's dementia and about her children's denial of her condition. He readily agreed to keep our conversation confidential. I then drove Grandma to her appointment. Since I had never taken Grandma to the doctor I was able to walk in with her to the appointment as though that was the thing to do (as opposed to a change from the norm). The doctor and I acted as though we had never seen each other before. After he tested Grandma I told her I had to use the bathroom, and went out into the hall to talk to the doctor again privately. The doctor as well as his nurse did a quick memory test without Grandma being aware of it--just asking questions "for the file." The doctor told Grandma he was concerned about her memory. He found enough memory loss to want to prescribe right away, but also wanted her to undergo more complete neurological testing. She refused both, and her children refused to pursue the issue. To this day she does not know that I spoke to the doctor privately at that time and one other time.

[SW in IL]

Thank you so much for your reply. I'm sorry things didn't work out better for your grandmother. I think I'll take the same 'road' that you did and speak to my mom's doctor in cofidence. Now to see if I can come up with a reason for her to go in for an appointment. She just had her annual physical about a month ago (I didn't know about it until after the fact), but I hate to wait another year when help might be availble now. I, too, have heard that there are newer meds that can help slow the progression and the sooner a problem is identified, the better.

 

Thanks again,

Sue

[LisaKinVA]

Sounds like early dimentia to me too... my grandmother has this (my mom is currently taking care of her pretty much full time). She needs to take Ginko daily (or they also prescribe the same meds. as for Alzheimers) to slow the progression of the disease.

 

I believe one of the key differences between dimentia and Alz. is the type of memory loss. With dimentia, the memory loss tends to be that of short-term memory (when paying bills, they can't remember if they paid the bill they just wrote out the check for... or if they got that item off their list at the grocery store... but they don't forget you are their daughter, etc.). With Alz. you lose both short and long-term (where am I, who are you)

[LisaKinVA]

Thank you so much for your reply. I'm sorry things didn't work out better for your grandmother. I think I'll take the same 'road' that you did and speak to my mom's doctor in cofidence. Now to see if I can come up with a reason for her to go in for an appointment. She just had her annual physical about a month ago (I didn't know about it until after the fact), but I hate to wait another year when help might be availble now. I, too, have heard that there are newer meds that can help slow the progression and the sooner a problem is identified, the better.

 

Thanks again,

Sue

 

Your mother's doctor will probably know how to handle this (when my mom spoke privately to my grandmother's doctor, they called her and told her they needed her to come in again because one of her tests came back and required a follow-up). They did the whole "for the file" thing, and my grandmother was none-the-wiser.

[2cents]

It does sound like early dementia (alzheimers). My mother has this and I know that early intervention of the right kind can be helpful.

 

It is also important to be aware that there are people who prey on the elderly, especially ones with incapacities like memory issues. Take precautions to insure that unscrupulous people are not in a position to take advantage of your mother. Elder financial abuse is one of the fastest growing abuses in our society and once a perpetrator gets ahold of a power of attorney it is pretty much all over. The courts are slow and any justice for the elderly is not a priority. :(

[6packofun]

Sounds like dementia to me. You can give her the MMSE test (Mini Mental State Exam) to evaluate the level of impairment. It's used to loosely evaluate stages of Alzheimer's and you can give it yourself if mom will cooperate. :) Here is a summary of what to do; there are 11 short parts, I think.

 

http://alzheimers.about.com/od/diagnosisofalzheimers/a/MMSE.htm

 

With the results of this, which you can do yourself or request from your dr. (or a referral to someone who can administer, perhaps a geriatric care specialist!) you will be on the road to getting some answers.

 

If it is Alzheimer's, NOW is the time to start on the few medications available. They can stop the progress of symptoms, both behavioral and cognitive, and the longer you wait, the less progress they will offer.

 

HTH!

[G5052]

My mother's symptoms were significantly worse and involved dangerous driving and other extremes, it ended up that she has mid-stage small vessel disease with vascular dementia. It's not quite Ahlzeimer's, but the treatment is somewhat similar. She is so very much better a year after getting it treated. She's still forgetful and sometimes has emotional lapses, but she's more even and has learned how to compensate at times for her problems. There are still a lot of concerns there, but the neurologist really did help her.

 

Now getting to that point is a long, difficult story though, and we were completely estranged for a year because I couldn't get her in to a doctor without working through DMV to get her license taken away, which needed to be done and forced her to get a neuro eval in the process of trying to get it back. Thankfully she's supposedly off the road permanently now and is being treated.

[Peela]

Agreeing with the others....my mother has been through a very hard path with my grandmother who finally consented to a nursing home...where she is very quickly deteriorating but actually happy at last because her medications are controlled, she is fed proper meals and is surrounded by people (she was living alone and had said her whole life she would never go to a nursing home, but she was a danger to herself). Granma became obnoxious and belligerent and paranoid before passing through that phase and becoming a sweet old lady, which she is now. I spoke to her just now and she was having a completely different conversation with me than I was having with her!

I don't know your legal situation since I am in Australia. It got bad here, but fortunately just before granma deteriotated badly she assigned mum as in charge of her legal papers in the case of her decline or death- granma got paranoid and tried to change that but mum had a lot of evidence by then. She got to the point she was writing down the details of every meeting with granma so that she had evidence in court of why she was behaving as she was- apparently trying to control granma, but really just trying to get her help.

 

The sooner you can get her evaluated and possibly on medications, the better.

[EKS]

Although this could be dementia, there are some very common medications that can cause severe memory loss. I believe that the statins are an example. So including an evaluation for dementia, you should go through her medications and see in any are associated with memory loss. And don't rely on the doctors to tell you; you need to research this yourself.

[6packofun]

Very good point! We're trying to decide if we really want 85yo grandmother with Alzheimer's on Lipitor because we've heard about the memory loss--we don't need MORE! lol

[kalanamak]

My son and I live with my mom who is almost 82 years old.

 

Maybe Alz, maybe vascular dementia. I, personally, wouldn't let her drive. Not with eye problems and memory problems. This is a toughy.

 

As to the meds, treating high blood pressure or atrial fibrillation (which can throw little clots to the brain) is possible, but the Alz. drugs that were touted so much are coming under fire as not really effective, and have a tremendously high side effect rate. I, personally, wouldn't put a mother on one.

 

Even if the doc can't tell you anything without her permission, you can them him/her anything. Write a short, sane note with your concerns, esp. regarding driving. Be the sane reasonable daughter and some docs will talk if they feel the mother's refusal is related to the paranoia of dementia. At the very least, doc should do a "mini mental" on her.

 

Anxiety is common with dementia. Your description of your night out sounds like anxiety. Woudln't you be anxious if everything was repeatedly unfamiliar or you couldn't remember the name of basic things? Also, a little dementia can be made worse with some depression, hypothyroidism, hyperthyroidism, B12 deficiency, etc. The doc may (should) look into things if you send that *short* *sane* note I mentioned.

 

:grouphug: This is very tough. HTH.