Not_a_Number Posted October 16, 2022 Share Posted October 16, 2022 2 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said: Don't try. Making yourself feel awful won't help anyone in this situation and will only add unhappiness to your own household. I've gotten a lot out of trying to empathize. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not_a_Number Posted October 16, 2022 Share Posted October 16, 2022 4 minutes ago, Grace Hopper said: Ok we can be heartbroken together. But please don’t chastise the rest of us for not being as heartbroken as you. This isn’t about you. I'm not in a position to chastise other adults, anyway. All I'm saying is how it feels to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted October 16, 2022 Share Posted October 16, 2022 2 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said: Yes, well, that's how I've felt about this whole thread. It all felt not OK to me. I know I'm in the minority here. But that's how it has felt. Then don’t read it. Or read it and discuss how it makes you feel with a therapist. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted October 16, 2022 Share Posted October 16, 2022 1 minute ago, Not_a_Number said: I've gotten a lot out of trying to empathize. There's a line between trying to empathise and manufacturing needless pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not_a_Number Posted October 16, 2022 Share Posted October 16, 2022 3 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said: And, this is with my moderator hat on, stop telling people whether or not they are sympathetic. Sure. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not_a_Number Posted October 16, 2022 Share Posted October 16, 2022 1 minute ago, Terabith said: Then don’t read it. Or read it and discuss how it makes you feel with a therapist. Same for you guys, I guess? You don't have to read my answers if you don't want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted October 16, 2022 Share Posted October 16, 2022 4 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said: Same for you guys, I guess? You don't have to read my answers if you don't want. But you’re making something about you and how it makes you feel when it’s not about you. 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KSera Posted October 16, 2022 Share Posted October 16, 2022 7 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said: I've gotten a lot out of trying to empathize. 3 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said: Same for you guys, I guess? You don't have to read my answers if you don't want. Gently, because I think you’re not picking it up, you sometimes have a tendency to make a thread about you that isn’t. Depending on the topic of the thread, sometimes that is more of an issue than others. This falls into that category. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not_a_Number Posted October 16, 2022 Share Posted October 16, 2022 Just now, Terabith said: But you’re making something about you and how it makes you feel when it’s not about you. As I said, I don't think I can talk about anything authentically except how I feel. All of my opinions are just a result of how I feel, anyway. If I present them separate from how I feel, I'm just putting on that veneer of rationality on the same old feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not_a_Number Posted October 16, 2022 Share Posted October 16, 2022 Just now, KSera said: Gently, because I think you’re not picking it up, you sometimes have a tendency to make a thread about you that isn’t. Depending on the topic of the thread, sometimes that is more of an issue than others. This falls into that category. I know what you're talking about, but I disagree that this is the same issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted October 16, 2022 Share Posted October 16, 2022 1 minute ago, Not_a_Number said: As I said, I don't think I can talk about anything authentically except how I feel. All of my opinions are just a result of how I feel, anyway. If I present them separate from how I feel, I'm just putting on that veneer of rationality on the same old feelings. But how you feel isn’t really relevant or helpful here. I would love to hear your thoughts on empathy in general. But it should be another thread. Not this one. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted October 16, 2022 Share Posted October 16, 2022 Just now, Not_a_Number said: As I said, I don't think I can talk about anything authentically except how I feel. All of my opinions are just a result of how I feel, anyway. If I present them separate from how I feel, I'm just putting on that veneer of rationality on the same old feelings. You are quite welcome to go start your own authenticity thread. This isn't your authenticity thread. It's B&H's "I'm trying to cope with crisis" thread and conversation should be tailored accordingly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grace Hopper Posted October 16, 2022 Share Posted October 16, 2022 6 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said: As I said, I don't think I can talk about anything authentically except how I feel. All of my opinions are just a result of how I feel, anyway. If I present them separate from how I feel, I'm just putting on that veneer of rationality on the same old feelings. No no no you have been here long enough for us to know that you are a person who also applies logic! Your feelings are valid. Valid enough to start a different thread about them. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not_a_Number Posted October 16, 2022 Share Posted October 16, 2022 Look, I've made one post about how I felt about this thread and also about feeling terrible for this family, including the OP's DH. All the rest of the posts have become about me because people were upset about this statement. If I had thought it was unhelpful, I wouldn't have made it. That's not an off-topic statement, even if it's obviously a controversial one. I really do feel terrible for everyone in this family. I don't think it's going to help anyone to keep arguing about whether this was an appropriate thing to say. Our judgments about that differ. And I've said my piece, anyway. I have nothing more to say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted October 16, 2022 Share Posted October 16, 2022 I feel sorry for him, too. But A, he is not the person here. And B, he is a grown man, who did not show any signs of being triggered during the concert, then yelled at his wife in a parking lot, then calmed down when approached by some adult men. He wasn’t agitated immediately before, and he also wasn’t so agitated that he got in some kind of altercation with the brother-in-law or the security guard. He seems to currently be digging himself deeper in a hole of his own volition. And it’s sad but I think the kids need to come first and it’s actually pretty difficult to do that sometimes. How about having sympathy for the person trying to look out for the kids. And doing a good job of it in a very difficult situation! 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted October 16, 2022 Share Posted October 16, 2022 This thread has reached the end of its useful lifespan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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