am I just an old fuddy duddy?

[kbutton]

I want to share this story with a bit of a different set of circumstances...committed relationship, waited until marriage, and got a jerk with really messed up ideas about intimacy who was unfaithful on the side. https://www.coachinghope4u.com/blog/the-truth-series-katelin?fbclid=IwAR0BrQB5gXca600-YweoDWJ3fbLyJpWK-0THXJP-rPOK4c7trQ1WKjoMEmU

So, not hookup culture, but still that pressure to do things that a partner isn't comfortable with mixed up with p*rn. 

I am in the religious fuddy duddy camp, and this story is so heartbreaking. 

[Murphy101]

1 hour ago, kbutton said:

I want to share this story with a bit of a different set of circumstances...committed relationship, waited until marriage, and got a jerk with really messed up ideas about intimacy who was unfaithful on the side. https://www.coachinghope4u.com/blog/the-truth-series-katelin?fbclid=IwAR0BrQB5gXca600-YweoDWJ3fbLyJpWK-0THXJP-rPOK4c7trQ1WKjoMEmU

So, not hookup culture, but still that pressure to do things that a partner isn't comfortable with mixed up with p*rn. 

I am in the religious fuddy duddy camp, and this story is so heartbreaking. 

I didn’t read the link bc I don’t need to to know where it leads.

But I do want to make clear if it wasn’t from my previous post(s) -

This is NOT just a problem for the secular world.  This is a huge heartbreaking god-awful in every sense of the phrase problem in Christian communities and in Christian marriages and families.

[kbutton]

2 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

I didn’t read the link bc I don’t need to to know where it leads.

But I do want to make clear if it wasn’t from my previous post(s) -

This is NOT just a problem for the secular world.  This is a huge heartbreaking god-awful in every sense of the phrase problem in Christian communities and in Christian marriages and families.

I purposefully didn't quote anyone who has come at it from a religious angle because I didn't want anyone to think I was being contradictory. 🙂 

I agree that it's a problem everywhere, and that's exactly why I wanted to post it. It just looks different sometimes inside of religious communities, and I think people in those communities need to know what forms it might take so that we can prepare our kids and not be shocked if someone confides in us. 

[ktgrok]

3 hours ago, Murphy101 said:

My grown kids (19-27) say it’s about 50/50 those who only ever hookup and those who don’t at all or rarely do.  They say the hook ups are because most do not want a relationship. They don’t want to date. They don’t want to get married. They don’t want to deal with each other’s emotions and opinions. They don’t want to have kids, maybe never.  They generally have no desire at all to make any kind of family and feel friends and FOO are enough of a family.  And even if they change their mind and decide to have a relationship - even a serious one - they are all very jaded about it and do not expect anything to last until death do they part.  It’ll last until they aren’t happy with it and then it’s over. The majority of these kids come from parents who divorced and often divorced a second time (bc second marriages have an even higher divorce rate) and they just don’t believe marriage or love is a thing that ever really lasts. So what’s the point.  And yes, porn culture is a major factor in this.

Of those that do want actual relationships - it’s extremely difficult to find similar minded  people to date.   Too many once burned twice shy situations out there.

 

I think it’s sad.

I do see this, and I think it can become a self fufilling prophecy in a way. Like, if you think you think all guys suck, so one is as good as the next, you end up having sex with a bunch of awful guys, which just solidifies your stance that guys suck and you never want a relationship. There seems to be no sense of "weeding out" the bad ones to find the good ones. And truthfully, I think the "good guys" are not interested in a girl who they see hanging out with jerks all the time. 

Murphy, I think you have previously brought up the lack of discernment in regards to other topics, and I think it also resonates in this area. Discernment is not something explicitly taught or emphasized in a lot of circles, and it shows. 

Some of these girls seem to think it is a matter of "sleep with jerks" or "stay home and be celibate forever". Like, there is no concept of "take your time and find a good guy". And if you suggest it, you are accused of slut shaming. Even though what they are doing isn't making them happy. 

(and I'm not saying everyone should wait until marriage, but there is a great value in knowing hte person you get naked with on a more than first name basis kind of way)

[Catwoman]

13 hours ago, Fritz said:

This.

This discussion helps me to understand how we got to the current casual attitude regarding abortion. Sad.

I don’t know anyone who has a casual attitude about abortion, and almost everyone I know is pro-choice.

People seem to have the mistaken impression that pro-choice means pro-abortion, and it just doesn’t mean that.

A lot of people who have casual sex are super-careful about their birth control methods, and if they end up pregnant, they don’t automatically rush to have an abortion. I know some people like to pretend that women who have multiple partners in their life are using abortion as a method of birth control, but that simply is not the case in the vast majority of instances. 

Just because many of us believe women should have the option of abortion available to them, does not mean that we don’t take it very seriously — I don’t know anyone who would be casual about it. 

[ktgrok]

1 hour ago, Catwoman said:

I don’t know anyone who has a casual attitude about abortion, and almost everyone I know is pro-choice.

People seem to have the mistaken impression that pro-choice means pro-abortion, and it just doesn’t mean that.

A lot of people who have casual sex are super-careful about their birth control methods, and if they end up pregnant, they don’t automatically rush to have an abortion. I know some people like to pretend that women who have multiple partners in their life are using abortion as a method of birth control, but that simply is not the case in the vast majority of instances. 

Just because many of us believe women should have the option of abortion available to them, does not mean that we don’t take it very seriously — I don’t know anyone who would be casual about it. 

This is my experience as well, but there are a few people who are vocal about abortion being treated as no different than getting a cavity fixed or trimming a hangnail. I do think those people are a minority, and although I don't share their opinion, I respect their right to have it. But it does exist.Although even those who see it as no big deal also are not using it as contraception. I mean, even people that don't mind a cavity being filled own tooth brushes and use them, and people that have no moral or ethical ideas tied up with abortion have and use birth control where and when they can, as far as I can tell.