Friendship, rent and frustration....

[akmommy]

I need some help from the diplomats among us, please.

 

Back in late June we allowed a friend to move in with us because he had been laid off last spring and his savings had run out. During that time he gave us about $160 out of his hunemployment checks to help with groceries and what not. My FIL helped him get a good job (he's an electrician) that started about eight weeks ago. Since that time he has given us nothing (he has bought a few groceries).

 

I feel like if he is going to continue living here he needs to pay some rent. He is currently staying in younger DD's room and has a TV, stereo, DVD, and X box going up there so I know our electric bill has gone up since he has been here. I really didn't think we would have to be the ones to bring the subject up as I didn't believe he was the mooching type.

 

There is a lack of communication his part and at this point we have no clue as to how long he thinks he is going to continue living here or what his plans are. Shoot his job takes him out of town and last time he left I only found out because I asked him what his plans were for the day (nevermind that he has a cat that some one was going to have to feed). To be honest we would like to see him move on in the next couple of months so DD can have her room back, but in the meantime the deal needs some renegotiation.

 

So we are left trying to figure out how to broach the subject of rent and what his plans are without it becoming confrontational. The friendship is more important then the money, but it's not right for him to take advantage of the friendship either.

 

So I guess I'm asking for suggestions on how to do this gently so we can preserve the friendship.:confused:

[Kathy in MD]

I need some help from the diplomats among us, please.

 

Back in late June we allowed a friend to move in with us because he had been laid off last spring and his savings had run out. During that time he gave us about $160 out of his hunemployment checks to help with groceries and what not. My FIL helped him get a good job (he's an electrician) that started about eight weeks ago. Since that time he has given us nothing (he has bought a few groceries).

 

I feel like if he is going to continue living here he needs to pay some rent. He is currently staying in younger DD's room and has a TV, stereo, DVD, and X box going up there so I know our electric bill has gone up since he has been here. I really didn't think we would have to be the ones to bring the subject up as I didn't believe he was the mooching type.

 

There is a lack of communication his part and at this point we have no clue as to how long he thinks he is going to continue living here or what his plans are. Shoot his job takes him out of town and last time he left I only found out because I asked him what his plans were for the day (nevermind that he has a cat that some one was going to have to feed). To be honest we would like to see him move on in the next couple of months so DD can have her room back, but in the meantime the deal needs some renegotiation.

 

So we are left trying to figure out how to broach the subject of rent and what his plans are without it becoming confrontational. The friendship is more important then the money, but it's not right for him to take advantage of the friendship either.

 

So I guess I'm asking for suggestions on how to do this gently so we can preserve the friendship.:confused:

 

For me, the easier topic is your dd's need for her room back. Basically I'd mention that your dd is really needing her room back soon becuse of "overcrowding", her "age", "needs more privacy than sleeping in the family room" or whatever your situation is. I'd ask if he could find another place within two months because that would give him a total of 4 months to save for a deposit and save for an emergency fund.

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

for his TV, stereo, X-Box and CAT!!

 

If he can have all these things and a cat, then he needs to be paying rent and/or getting out. I'd just simply talk to my dh and agree on a reasonable rent amount (if you intend to let him stay) and present your friend with a rental agreement starting Jan 1. Tell him that you were glad to be able to help him out, but now that he's working he should be able to find his own place or pay rent.

 

When my dh was living AT HOME, his parent's charged him rent. If he was going to school full-time, they would not have, but he was only going part-time.

 

hth

K

[Starr]

:iagree: Time to give him a deadline and stick to it.

[elegantlion]

Just point blank tell him, "In the spirit of friendship, we need to discuss this issue." I'm sure it's like a pink elephant in the room already. Have a written plan and be bold but understanding. Put a time limit on it and help him find a place that would be suitable.

[flyingmommy]

I've been in this situation myself. You will have two choices....confront him and resolve it, or let it become a bigger and bigger problem. In our situation, we decided that my husband would talk to the friend. That way, it was a man to man kind of thing. DH told the friend flat out, we feel like you are taking advantage of us and we are not your parents. You need to contribute or find somewhere else.

 

In your situation, I think you should definitely include the fact that you'd like to get your DD back into her room very soon. Maybe even mention that you are getting ready to do some remodeling in there as soon as he gets his own place. At least put it into his head that you guys expect him to move on.

 

Good luck!

 

Jeannie

[akmommy]

Thanks for all the great advise and encouragement. I guess I just needed confirmation that what I was feeling was justified. DH and I will be discussing it and I think DH is the best one to talk to him. It's just tough when your talking about one of your oldest friends, but if he is the friend we think he is then i would hope he'd understand. Honestly I believe there is a bit of depression on his side, but I think staying here much longer is only going to make that worse.

 

I do have to say that I'm kind of proud of my DD. She voluntarily gave up her room and hasn't complained once even though it's been longer then we thought it would be. DH plans to paint her room and do some decorating before we move her back in as a thank you.

 

 

Thanks again,

 

akmommy

Edited November 28, 2008 by akmommy

[angela in ohio]

How about "I am so glad the new job is working out! congratulations on that. Dd needs to have her room back pretty soon so we will need you to find your own place by the first of the year" Say if cheerfully and then you are done. If that is a problem for him then you may need to sit down and have further discussions.

 

This is the nicer version of what I would tell him. ;)