cave canem Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 My child’s college friend is from the other side of the globe and has little relationship with family. She married in the US a year ago. She called last night from my child’s dorm room after being thrown out of her apartment by her husband. He withheld her phone, computer, and documents. It has been a very rocky year, and she is asking me for advice. She does not think it is realistic to hope for lasting reconciliation. The situation includes substance abuse and extramarital relationships. He has refused to participate in counseling. Most of our discussion focused on things she needs to do in the very near term to stay safe and recover essential property. We talked more generally about some intermediate and long term matters. Since she is a recent college grad with her own job, her own money in her own account, no kids, no real property, many of the concerns for our WTM boardies and their friends are not in play. What are important steps for her? Is it important to take legal action right away? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jyhwkmama Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 He can't legally throw her out of the marital home where she has residency. She needs to contact the police to get stand by while she gets her things. She could possibly get a protection order against him if she has evidence of abuse or threats and that would force him to move. Her lease may also have a cancellation clause that helps in DV situations. Personally, in this situation I would just cut bait. I would get my stiff and move somewhere else. Maybe she could stay with friends for a short while until she can get into another apartment (at a different place from where her husband lives). Maybe she could get a part time job (in addition to her fulltime job) that would make her eligible to move into university housing (not a dorm but one of the apartment style places many have). Her husband has shown his true character. This is not a situation you want to escalate. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 40 minutes ago, cave canem said: The situation includes substance abuse and extramarital relationships. My friend was responsible for half her ex-husband’s debt that he mostly incurred from extramarital relationships. The debt was what finally pushed my friend to give up and file for divorce, no domestic violence in her case, just a guy who treat her as an ATM. That’s in California. So if her husband is incurring debt, she does need to file soon (or at least get legal advice) and make the police report ASAP, being kicked out of a marital home is a threat especially withholding her phone and documents. I would be tempted to remote wipe my phone clean if I think the guy is going to try to get stuff from my phone. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 She would need police escort to get her passport, social security card and her green card (if she has PR status already). Especially her passport. It would be a pain with USCIS if her husband withhold her passport and “lose” it. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 What is her legal status for being here? Is she here on her own student visa? This is a HUGE issue. If she is here on her own merit, then yes, proceed with divorce. If she is not--she needs to consult with an immigration attorney on how she can legally proceed without getting deported pronto. In the meantime, I would call the non-emergency line to ask for police escort to get her documentation and personal items and file a temporary restraining order if she has grounds for doing so. It will provide some paperwork background to get the police there quickly should an incident happen....and depending on the state may help shield her address, etc. in the divorce filings. If she has grounds for a restraining order, I'd go for it. Domestic violence rates are very high in some cultures, and where there is already substance abuse issues in the mix, the risk for a volatile encounter is raised. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bootsie Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 Does she want to stay in the US or return to her home country? Depending on her residency status here in the US, I agree that she needs legal advice from someone who knows the nuances of immigration law. If she wants to return to her home country, she might contact her embassy to see what legal actions she should take regarding filing for divorce. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cave canem Posted December 16, 2018 Author Share Posted December 16, 2018 On 12/14/2018 at 11:59 AM, Arcadia said: My friend was responsible for half her ex-husband’s debt that he mostly incurred from extramarital relationships. The debt was what finally pushed my friend to give up and file for divorce, no domestic violence in her case, just a guy who treat her as an ATM. That’s in California. Thank you for mentioning this. I hadn't known this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cave canem Posted December 16, 2018 Author Share Posted December 16, 2018 She has a green card. She wants to stay here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 Okay, if she has a green card already, she is not in jeopardy of losing that. So just the regular provisis of filing charges, protecting property, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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