Neighorhood kids making cracks to ds about homeschooling...WWYD?

[Robin in DFW]

My ds11 plays outside with our neighborhood kids almost daily. Like all children, they have arguments, disagreements, etc. THEY ALL DO IT. But, for some reason, if my ds is the one in disagreement, they always bring up the fact that he is homeschooled and that is why he doesn't get along...they also constantly bring up that he doesn't learn everything at home that they learn at school so he is "dumb". It breaks my heart...he usually lets it roll off his back, but some of these kids are the reason my ds DOES NOT go to ps!!!

 

I have watched these kids play many, many times and they can all be little twirps...including my son...that's just kids. It just bugs me that for some reason the homeschooling comments always end up being said. My ds never brings up the fact that because they are ps'd is why they have such a narrow view of things or behave the way they do.

 

I do think they are hearing this at home...one child's mother is a public school teacher. Another child's mother is a SAHM, but never does anything with her kids as far as I have seen and the little boy is bit "tough". His dad isn't exactly a roll model...quite a mouth.

 

It really wish they would quit the bullying...another lovely product of being in school...

 

I've tried to think up appropriate responses for my son, but I know he won't use them when the time comes...he's always so hurt, he comes inside.

 

I feel angered by all this. I just wish people would quit thinking that because my ds is homeschooled, homeschooling must make him misbehave, but their kids are just being kids when they misbehave...nothing do with their schooling or upbringing. PS is where my ds went from being a sweet little boy to being angry and having OCD issues. We brought him home because we love him. I just wish people would quit attacking what they don't understand and mind their own business. It seems people always need to have someone to focus their hatefulness on...right now it seems to be our homeschooling.

 

Should I say anything to the parents? Or just let it go.

 

I hope someone can offer me some words of wisdom.

 

Thanks,

Robin

[Tami]

I know how hurtful this is, because we have gone through this, too.

 

Perhaps the kids have found a button to push, and they are making full use of it. I have found it helpful to teach my dd to respond in a matter-of-fact way by ignoring it and moving on, or by using humor. If that does not work, I have encouraged her to let me be The Bad Guy. For instance, if the kids bug about "Why would you want to HOMESCHOOL!" or "You don't learn anything-you're dumb!" I would first ask her to ignore the comment and move on. If that doesn't work, she can try humor. She might say something like, "Yeah, let me show you how dumb I can be!" (Make silly face). If those don't work, I simply let her deflect to me by saying something like, "It's my parents decision, so you'll have to talk to them about it." Then I teach her to show no emotion and repeat the ignore/use humor/deflect pattern. If she becomes upset, I tell her not to show it and to come home where she can vent her emotions in a safe place.

 

My dd does have adhd, and needs a script to follow or she gets shell-shocked. I can tell you that as long as this topic will push buttons, it will continue. This approach has worked for us, and it stopped FINALLY. I debated on getting involved myself, but decided against it.

 

Had it continued, I would question the value of hanging around with the gang in the neighborhood. Without trust, what kind of friendship can ever flourish? Perhaps 1:1 with neighborhood kids would work better, or maybe getting together with TRUE friends by getting on the phone and making plans would be an answer.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this. It is really heartbreaking to see our children being hurt emotionally. You are not alone! I hope it works out for you.

[sandalwood]

First of all, I am very sorry you are having to deal with this.

 

I think I would not say anything to the parents. If the attitude is coming from the parents, like you suspect....speaking to them probably won't help. Kids are like little sponges and if the mom is saying something negative about homeschooling, they will have a negative attitude.

 

I have never dealt with that issue as far as saying the mean things about homeschooling but my son was bullied by ps kids when we first moved in our neighborhood. Turns out, several of the boys were jealous of him getting to homeschool. One of the boys parents had tried it and it didn't work out and he was the "ring leader" of the bullying. That went on for almost a solid year or more and then it went away. We had to work really hard with our son to get him to stand up for himself. Now, things roll off his back if someone says something. (He's also 11). The main thing he had to learn was to let stuff go and just understand that all kids don't "play nice".

 

Anyhow, I don't know what to say but maybe just enforce how special your son is by saying it a lot to him (I'm sure you do) and just let him know that kids are not fair. I have to watch myself not to say anything negative about ps around my son. I'm sure it will all blow over, but it might take a while. I'm really sorry about it happening to him.

[Robin in DFW]

We have been using many of these methods to help him deal with these children. He's trying, but he does have a temper WHEN PROVOKED...he doesn't start stuff, though.

 

He told me he just wants to go outside and play. He doesn't understand the snide, hurtful stuff...probably because he has been homeschooled and hasn't really had to deal with the sneaky back-biting of the schoolyard. (He did go to PS for 2 1/2 years...K thru 2nd)

 

Bullying is why we brought our middle child home as well. She was bullied mercilessly by two girls who had once been her good friends...sad. She is now a 10th grader, still homeschools and still gets snide comments from her soccer teammates...

 

We discussed ways to respond this morning...he really has been dealing with them pretty well...he's just tired of the comments affecting their playtime. He loves to play.

 

He did tell me these two boys have commented before that they would like to be homeschooled...of course they don't fully understand that we actually DO WORK all day.

 

I told him to tell them their comments are inappropriate and they should not be talking about a subject they know nothing about. Homeschooling is a family choice and it is none of their business. END OF STORY...NO DISCUSSION.

 

He said they wouldn't understand what that meant and would respond with "HUH?". I told him to answer with "exactly my point...let's play now."

 

He thought that was funny...

 

Thanks again,

Robin

[elegantlion]

That is bullying, plain and simple. Yes, it may be the words of an adult. I was bullied as a kid, words spoken, nothing physical. I never even told my parents until this year, I'm 41, it affected my self-esteem growing up in many ways.

 

My ds is 11 too and I'm afraid if I overhead that I would go into protective mommy mode. If it happened on my property I would say something, I don't know what, but I'd be the bad guy. Probably tell them to go home until they could learn some proper manners.

 

I would probably limit the time they are allowed to play and maybe limit it to my home so I could be the overseer. Even if these words only come out when they disagree you know the thought patterns are there even on more peaceful days.

 

My experience makes me very protective of my sons feelings. We have in the past told him he is not allowed to play with people who do not show him respect. That includes making fun of our choice of schooling.

[Robin in DFW]

Thank you.

[Hillary in KS]

I'm somewhat ashamed to admit that my first response would be to tell ds to say something along the lines of, "When I'm running my own company and you're in jail or serving fries at McDonalds, come tell me how bad homeschooling was."

 

I think the other responses are much more gracious and appropriate.

 

Not to mention mature. :blushing:

[SoCal Sandra]

Since there's jealousy in the mix, saying something to the parents probably won't help the situation. The best thing to do is help your son learn from this. One of the benefits of homeschooling is that we have the time and relationship in which we to teach our kids how to live life the right way.

 

Remind your son that angry children often throw these irrelevant barbs because they know they hurt. If your son wasn't homeschooling those kids would probably find some other difference or distinction with which to jab.

 

Adults are no different. Last week at a soccer game I saw one mother attacked by several women. Race had nothing to do with the dispute, but the women threw in the irrelevant barb, "FWB".

 

If adults descend to irrelevant insults concerning race, weight, education, appearance, why will children do any differently? I once knew of a child that was constantly ridiculed because he tied his shoe laces differently. The mean-spirited will use whatever barb they think inflicts the most pain and if they can't think of any buttons to push they will pounce on any little difference to create new ones.

 

At 11, your ds might welcome a brief discussion of "ad hominem" attacks. There's certainly a wealth of homeschool resources on the subject. As hurtful as the situation is, he has the opportunity to tell these kids that everyone needs to learn how to discuss an argument on the merits without resort to personal insults, that he chooses to do so, and that he will see them another day when they are able to do so.

 

For what it's worth, I hope this helps. :mellow:

[Sunshine State Sue]

Turns out, several of the boys were jealous of him getting to homeschool.

Ds has never (to my knowledge) been ridiculed for being homeschooled. Most kids express jealousy. Perhaps your ds would understand that.

 

Last week, I dropped my ds off at the local middle school for basketball practice just as school was getting out. I had a 13yo friend of his in the car I needed to drop back home. She was in private school through 4th grade. She looked at the kids and said that they didn't look like kids, they looked like animals. I had to agree.

[Heather in Neverland]

I'm somewhat ashamed to admit that my first response would be to tell ds to say something along the lines of, "When I'm running my own company and you're in jail or serving fries at McDonalds, come tell me how bad homeschooling was."

 

I think the other responses are much more gracious and appropriate.

 

Not to mention mature. :blushing:

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

My thoughts exactly. In fact, I believe my ds did respond to a bully's comments like this once (something along the lines of "That's OK. I'll be your boss one day"). On a more mature note, that kid is a bully and I wouldn't let my child play with him anymore.

[In The Great White North]

I would not let them hang out together. If my dc were not in ps because of behavior like this, why would I subject him to this at home?

 

Sort of defeats the purpose, doesn't it?

[Stacy in NJ]

Something I've learned is that other parents sometimes talk down homeschooling because they don't want their kids to even get the idea in their heads that it's an option for their family. The kids pick up on the negative vibe and use it as a point scoring device against the homeschooled kid.

 

You can point out the obvious positives (kid friendly positives, not parent positives) of homeschooling for your son. If the kids are saying he's stupid because he hasn't covered the same material they have, let him insist that what they have covered is "irrelevant".

 

Remind him of all the good stuff that hs kids have access to that ps kids don't. Let him debate/argue/defend this with the other kids himself. Then, give him a "debate" credit on his report card (just kidding here).

 

Honestly, I'd teach him to take their comments less seriously, while teaching him how to defend his choice (yours, really). But do it with HUMOR. The funny guy always wins.:lol:

[laurad1125]

 

Not to mention mature. :blushing:

 

 

:grouphug:

 

Mature is overrated! :001_smile:

[Blessedfamily]

Robin,

 

A bully's a bully. If he wasn't picking on your child for homeschooling, he'd be picking on him for something else. I've never met a kid who was only a bully in one subject area. :001_smile: He may be worth avoiding altogether, if possible.