JennyD Posted July 30, 2018 Share Posted July 30, 2018 This past week we were on our annual visit to my parents, who live 800+ miles away from us. They are in their mid-70s and in good health. although my mom is starting to have some problems, and they live in a big, isolated suburban house that is IMNSHO wildly unsuitable for aging in and is likely to be difficult to sell quickly. I have been intermittently fretting about this situation but mostly have been sticking my metaphorical fingers in my metaphorical ears and saying LALALA about it all. Anyway, my folks for have visited us a number of times over the years -- once for an extended stay -- but as far as I knew they were not at all interested in leaving their beloved house, much less moving halfway across the country. But an direct question from DS13 in the parking lot of Costco ("Granny, why don't you and Gramps move to Our City?") set off an extended discussion culminating in a collective decision that they are going to downsize, sell their house, and move to a condo near us. We will start looking for a place for them as soon as we get back, and my mom is already plotting how she is going to sell/donate most of their stuff. This is obviously going to be a big change and I'm sure that there will be hiccups, but it is so clearly the best plan for everyone. I don't think that I would have been nearly as ready to take advantage of the moment, though, if I hadn't been reading and thinking about all of these recent threads on parental caregiving. So thanks, Hive! 28 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 (edited) Wow, that’s amazing, Jenny. I’m glad we played a small part in preparing you for that conversation. Don’t be overly alarmed if they waffle at some point, just consistently restate the reasons this is a good idea. It might help if you mention things they can do when they move to your city - like attend the kids ball games or whatever - when those conversations occur. Be honest in addressing their concerns, but try to get them looking forward, too. All of you will have time to enjoy each other before their health declines. I’m so glad they’re doing this before it becomes a point of contention or before someone ends up in a nursing home prematurely because there isn’t family nearby. Edited July 31, 2018 by TechWife 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyD Posted July 31, 2018 Author Share Posted July 31, 2018 2 minutes ago, TechWife said: . Don’t be overly alarmed if they waffle at some point, just consistently restate the reasons this is a good idea. It might help if you mention things they can do when they move to your city - like attend the kids ball games or whatever - when those conversations occur. Be honest in addressing their concerns, but try to get them looking forward, too. All of you will have time to enjoy each other before their health declines. This is great advice, thanks! My dad in particular keeps saying that he wants to move now, while they are still healthy and can do stuff with the kids, so I think that it will be really helpful for me to remind them of this if/when they get cold feet. I am so enormously relieved that they are going to clear out and sell that house now, when they can do it themselves and it isn't a crisis. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 They've been helpful for me,too. I've been the stick in the mud about MIL wanting to sell the house that my late FIL and dh and dsil built that is on 20 acres and moving close to her dd. I've been quiet about it to her, but loud to my dh. Now I've changed my tune, bc it is better for her to do it now. You guys were right. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solascriptura Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 That's wonderful! It's great that there were willing to see their own future and make plans accordingly. My parents moved closer to me and they have loved being able to see their grandkids whenever they want. They can drop by for a cup of coffee and to hang out. There is no need to plan long extended trips for either of us. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScoutTN Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 50 minutes ago, solascriptura said: That's wonderful! It's great that there were willing to see their own future and make plans accordingly. My parents moved closer to me and they have loved being able to see their grandkids whenever they want. They can drop by for a cup of coffee and to hang out. There is no need to plan long extended trips for either of us. Yes, this! I love that my mom is nearby. My kids see her every week, sometimes several times a week. We can help her and she gets to see her grandkids grow up. Win-win! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solascriptura Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 5 minutes ago, ScoutTN said: Yes, this! I love that my mom is nearby. My kids see her every week, sometimes several times a week. We can help her and she gets to see her grandkids grow up. Win-win! It goes both ways for us. I can help my parents as they age and its not burdensome because I don't need to set aside a whole day to see them. They can also help me by watching my kids and helping me with my garden (they have green thumbs and my thumbs are black). It's a win win all around. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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