What would you advise?

[Terabith]

So....If there's a kid who has been doing mean stuff to your kid off and on for the last several years and who, along with his companions, trapped one of your child's friends against a wall and punched her and called another of her friends a beached whale and your child is now asking about the proper ways to punch and take a punch, do you a) teach them how to make a fist so they don't break their thumb, b) advise them that revenge is a dish best served cold and that they're less likely to get caught if they do something subtle, c) suggest they start going to martial arts class with their father, or d) counsel nonviolence? Teachers were informed, no clue on any repercussions. Asking for a friend...

[Katy]

The punch, the martial arts, and filing a police report.  Press criminal charges if police will let you.

[SKL]

I agree, martial arts. 

I would give the girl permission to block and then hit back if someone hits first.

Document in writing every time the bullying was reported to the school before it got to the point of hitting back.

Under no circumstances should the girl use any kind of "weapon" (i.e. any inanimate object at all, I don't care if it's a shred of paper) when hitting back.  That could get her a severe punishment under the school's zero tolerance "weapon" policy.  Fists are not considered "weapons" for this purpose.

[Kiara.I]

Not B. That's sneaky and not something I want to teach my kids. A, C.

 

And D, if it can be done from a place of power and confidence. Not if its from helplessness. So, "I understand that you're hurtng others because you don't know any coping mechanisms for your pain and I will try to get the adults to help you" is fine, but, "she's a bully and I hate it but don't know how to stop her..." isn't.

[Katy]

I just want to reaffirm calling the police.  Sometimes schools can ignore things until police reports hit the papers, and then they have a way of valuing the perception of student safety over their ability to ignore things.

[Knock]

I always counseled non-violence as the BEST WAY of handling a situation. But when that's not working, and in your daughter's situation it's not working, we move to the NEXT best way to handle a situation, which is to defend yourself and your people. 

Martial arts is great for the long term. It will help her build confidence, and she'll learn how to defend (versus raw animal fighting) when confronted. This will keep her from getting more hurt, likely, and more likely, from getting into deeper trouble with the school. And that's because she'll have confidence, training, and experience NOT solely relying on adrenaline and emotions. 

In the short term, I'd teach her how to throw a punch and how to take one. I'm not one to advocate being sneaky, but I'm also human. If this was a years-long situation, I might mention (b) but with the caveat that it might make her feel better but won't likely make any difference in the situation because kids like the one she's dealing with need their fires to be fought with fire. Otherwise, in my experience, they just get more inflamed and more physical. 

Sorry you are having to deal with this.

[Terabith]

Honestly, if my kid had been at school, it probably would not have happened, because my kid has intimidated most of the class bullies through aggressive eye contact.  My kid is changing schools next year, though, and her biggest worry is by far what is going to happen to her friend, who is both a third smaller than the average sized kids in her class and acts like prey.  She's also so furious over this that I'm worried that she might retaliate out of revenge, but probably not.

[Terabith]

I have no grounds to go to administration, since she wasn't even there that day.  She's just friends with the girl who is being bullied.  No grounds for us to file charges for anything.

[Terabith]

It was reported to teachers, and I think people were called to the office.  There have just been enough incidents with this particular kid that I'm really wondering why he hasn't been expelled by now.

[SKL]

Wait - a boy is hitting girls?  What grade is this?  I wonder if there are some special needs at play - of course you would not be privy to that info.

My kids have a large male classmate who has gotten physical with my eldest (the smallest kid in class).  Luckily my kid is not easy to bully and she got him to back off.  My kids indicate he has some "issues" and things have gotten better over time.  If the physical bullying had continued, I'd be wondering why he still had the opportunity to be within arm's length of other kids.

[Terabith]

Yup, boys hitting not just girls but a particularly small girl and calling another girl a "beached whale."   One boy is sixth grade, another is seventh, two other boys who sorta "stood guard" over the beat down were either sixth or seventh, not sure.  It was middle school recess.  The sixth grade boy I have known for several years, as this is only the latest in a long string of things he's done, both to my kid and others.  I also know his aunt.  I believe he has ADD, for which I think he takes medication.   Don't know about the other kids.  The sixth grader, at least, however, I think is far more of an issue of him being a jerk than any special needs.  It's a Catholic school.  I've never understood why he hasn't been expelled. Kids have been expelled for far, far less, including rude language.  Cynically, I think it's because his parents have money.

[Terabith]

Oh, and they were doing it because they wanted to sit where the girls were sitting.

[SKL]

In the case of my kids' classmate, his dad was in jail, so I don't think it was that they had money or influence.  I just think they felt they could work with the kid and he was still moldable - and in his case, it was apparently true.

Boys hitting girls (past the very early grades) is a whole different world beyond bullying IMO.  People need to complain louder and louder until this gets properly addressed.

If nobody will listen to female complainers, get a dad to walk down there and talk to the principal and demand change.

[gardenmom5]

I'd put them in martial arts.   one of the things they are taught, is deescalation, as well as how to project the "demeanor" that bullies prefer to avoid. - there by preventing the need to even resort to physical blows. - but if it does, they learn how to defend themselves.
 

[El...]

Martial arts, because everyone should have some anyway IMO, and a police report for sure.

Sounds like that boy is going down a really bad path.  If the school didn't appear to be doing much,  I'd be reminding them of liability with a mean, shark-toothed lawyer. 

If there is a next time, I'd proceed to an emergency room or at least Dr to document.