"By the grace of God..." (vent)

[wintermom]

I'm christian, but I don't speak with many "christianese" phrases in my daily language, nor do most of the christian people that I know. I believe a lot of that kind of language is purely cultural. It's not necessary to remind others continuously about how they believe God is intervening or not in the world. I can completely understand how it could be hurtful and annoying. It's just as hurtful and annoying to have people take the Lord's name in vain thoughtlessly. Both non-christians and christians do this all the time. 

 

In general, people say stuff that hurts others all the time. Some are doing it intentionally and many are not. I think it's nice to live in a country where people have free speech and their words won't usually put them in jail. 

Edited March 18, 2018 by wintermom

[Greta]

Yes, very good point.  I think mostly it's unintentional, but it's also quite insensitive to say this directly to the person who is suffering when you're not.  Absolutely.

 

Yes, I completely agree, and do want to say that I don't think (most!) people are being deliberately cruel.  And I've said thoughtless things that I wish I could take back!  

[Catwoman]

I don't know many people with a medically challenging child who isn't grateful to have that kid, religious or not.This isn't that. This is "I thank God every day he blessed me with a child that can see" to the mother of a blind child.

 

I realize it's just thoughtlessness. I get it. I always respond graciously .I just wish people would aim higher than thoughtless. Especially after they've been told that the unintended consequence of the words is hurtful to people around you. Then it goes from being thoughtless to selfish.

Poppy, I’m sorry if I misunderstood you. I thought you were talking about a situation like a car accident where one person died and another survived, and the survivor was grateful to be alive.

 

It now sounds like you meant that someone who wasn’t even involved in the situation basically said the equivalent of, “better you than me.†I think that is awful, no matter how they phrased it.

[Bluegoat]

I'm not quite sure how someone saying "There but for the Grace of God" means they are saying "better you than me" or even saying God spared them because they are special.

 

I  mean, if you know that is what the person meant because they expanded on it, that is pretty gross.

 

But the phrase isn't actually meant to indicate either of those things.  If it's being used to say what it actually means, it's not insensitive in that way to say it.  Obviously it's easily misunderstood, but that's a different complaint I think.

[Greta]

Poppy, I’m sorry if I misunderstood you. I thought you were talking about a situation like a car accident where one person died and another survived, and the survivor was grateful to be alive.

It now sounds like you meant that someone who wasn’t even involved in the situation basically said the equivalent of, “better you than me.†I think that is awful, no matter how they phrased it.

  

 

Cat, I’m sorry that my response to you was based on a misunderstanding.

 

Oh, I get it now. I had a feeling I was missing some context somewhere ðŸ¤

Mea culpa.

[Catwoman]

Cat, I’m sorry that my response to you was based on a misunderstanding.

That’s okay, Greta — no problem at all! :)

[katilac]

 

Would you prefer that they apologize to you for having survived?

 

 

Shutting up is an option that just isn't used enough. 

[kiwik]

Well you have just been told the kids at the desk on either side of your desk were shot and your desk is full of bullet holes (or everyone at your work was killed in a fire or whatever) and someone sticks a microphone in your face and asks how you feel. I don't think you can hold the person accountable for what they say in those circumstances.

[wintermom]

Well you have just been told the kids at the desk on either side of your desk were shot and your desk is full of bullet holes (or everyone at your work was killed in a fire or whatever) and someone sticks a microphone in your face and asks how you feel. I don't think you can hold the person accountable for what they say in those circumstances.

 

Exactly. And an adult sitting at home watching this interview on the tv should probably know better than judging harshly a teen in shock - or anyone for that matter. Speaking in public isn't something many people do on a regular basis, and it can muddle one's speech pretty drastically.

[Bluegoat]

I've only ever heard it used to mean 'the fact I didn't get sick/die/suffer etc has nothing to do with me being some sort of superior person, it was just grace (luck) that saw me come through unscathed.'

 

It's not really offensive to me at all, and so far as I'm aware, it's not a specifically Christian phrase, having passed into general use long ago.

 

Yeah, I'd have said the same, except that based on what so many here are saying, it does actually seem to depend on at least some kind of cultural awareness that grace, in a religious sense, doesn't mean special treatment for good people.

 

I mean, it seems like more than half of the people in the discussion, including many Christians, are thinking of it as some kind of assertion of being specially chosen for protection, the direct opposite of its meaning.

 

 I've never seen it used in a way that support that interpretation either, but maybe that is an American thing?  I've thought for a while their version of Christianity seems, even across denominations, different from other places.

Edited March 19, 2018 by Bluegoat