Need new relationship help

[Night Elf]

I know someone with depression and anxiety and they're being treated with medication but it's not working well despite lots of tweaking. This person has met someone to date who also has depression and anxiety. First person hasn't told me if second person is being treated with medication or counseling. So both go through bad days, sometimes a few days in a row. Second person is going through bad days right now and is obviously coping differently than how first person does and first person has hurt feelings. Is this a relationship that's doomed to fail because they both have mental health issues? What advice would you give to first person?

[displace]

I think any untreated mental illness puts a strain on a relationship. Depending on the severity, it could be something that prevents a successful relationship or has little impact. If I were in a serious relationship (dating with intent to marry), I would not marry unless the mental illness was treated or it did not affect us. It would be a deal breaker to stop treatments in the future randomly.

 

I understand some illnesses are more difficult to treat than others, some people need more time to find medicines or therapies that work. But I think the majority of any relationship, even friendships, can be strained by untreated mental illness. Not just mental illness, medical illnesses, conditions, etc. They can all make relationships harder.

[Carrie12345]

Unless the person was my child, or someone I consider like my child, I'd do nothing more than be a safe person to vent to if/when needed.

 

My relationship is not defined by the mental health issues within it.  There's no A+A=bad, A+B=medium, B+B=good formula.  How people function with mental illnesses is just as varied as how people without them function. Sometimes they fit together and sometimes they don't.  Sometimes it takes more work and sometimes it doesn't. And 99% of the time, a trained mental health professional is a million times more useful than internet moms.

[maize]

My own experience:

 

My husband struggles with severe anxiety and depression; after 15 years of treatment he is doing better, but that is an awful lot of medication adjustment and therapy.

 

And an awful lot of me being the caregiver, support person, boundary enforcer, and emotional buffer in the family. There is no way I could have done that if it were not for the exceptional emotional stability I have been blessed with.

[ktgrok]

In my experience people in the midst of mental health issues (not currently stable) are not really capable of healthy romantic relationships. Heal oneself first (that doesn't mean a cure, does mean getting to a place where functional and stable) before starting any relationship. Bad things happen otherwise. 

[Night Elf]

FWIW, first person asked for my opinion because she is trying to figure out if she should move forward with second person to see what happens, or if she should just say it's not  going to work and stop it before it goes any further.