Night Elf Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 I am seeing a counselor and have dropped down to every 2 weeks. She's been very helpful and I love talking to her. She makes me feel so good about myself and my life and I leave walking on a cloud. However, she can go off on a topic and talk it to death. At our last meeting, she spent 45 minutes talking to me in minute detail about my volunteering at the Humane Society. She's pleased as punch and thinks this is the perfect position for me. Then we spent 10 minutes talking about how I feel about one of my children making mistakes I wish I could stop. When I left, both she and I forgot to set up my next appointment and I seriously considered not seeing her anymore. I was going to send a Thank You card to let her know I was done. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I am not ready to stop seeing her. I still have some issues I'd like to talk about even if they are things we've talked about before. I need to discuss them more. But we often have pregnant pauses as if each of us is trying to think about what to talk about next. I suppose I know I'm close to not needing her anymore and part of that is one thing I need to discuss with her. My dd19 is in counseling and now my ds21 is too. I feel we're paying so much monthly for us all and that my problems are not as important as theirs. My dd19 didn't like me to say that because she wants me to put myself first for a change. I've been putting my kids before me for 25 years. It's a hard habit to break! I'm seeing her tomorrow. I plan to talk to her about whether or not I'm still getting something out of counseling. It makes me sad to think I might not see her anymore but paying that fee just to talk to someone like a friend doesn't seem right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 I suppose one compromise is to see her once a month. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 A friend of mine once told me that for her mental health she needed someone neutral and unbiased to talk to at least once a month to help her clarify her thoughts and process her feelings. It was like a tune up for her brain. It sounds like it’s something similar for you. I wouldn’t stop if it’s providing you benefit. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 Once a month and make a list of things you want to talk about and bring it to your appointment. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted December 4, 2017 Author Share Posted December 4, 2017 Ok, I'll talk to her about changing out schedule to once a month. I can always call and get another appointment if I need to see her in the meantime. She always has open slots and my time is flexible so I can fit in just about anytime. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 Once a month and make a list of things you want to talk about and bring it to your appointment. Yup, this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 I wouldn't stop. It's good to have someone for an emergency, so important to keep up the relationship, imo. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guinevere Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 Maybe instead of once a month, you should try stretching to 3 weeks first. Then you can gauge if less is okay, or if you need to go back to 2. If what you are doing is working for you, I think you should make changes slowly. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guinevere Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 Ok, I'll talk to her about changing out schedule to once a month. I can always call and get another appointment if I need to see her in the meantime. She always has open slots and my time is flexible so I can fit in just about anytime. From reading your other posts, I think you won't want to spend the money, or feel that you should just wait for one reason or another. That's another reason why 3 weeks might be a better first change. Then you won't feel guilty or conflicted about going, since you will already be scheduled. I think the cold, dark winter months, and the stress of the holidays aren't a great time to make big changes in mental health supports. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 Don't be afraid to come to the session with issues that are on your mind, "Pregnant" pauses are often used to allow for some processing. Write down some points you want to touch on but be prepared that it may take more than one session. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted December 4, 2017 Share Posted December 4, 2017 I'm really surprised she talks that much. I haven't ever encountered that. I would be frustrated with that dynamic. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted December 4, 2017 Author Share Posted December 4, 2017 I'm really surprised she talks that much. I haven't ever encountered that. I would be frustrated with that dynamic. Oh but she's lovely! She's the best therapist I've ever had. I love how she thinks and how she helps my perceptions of myself and my issues. I like that she talks but she also asks lots of questions. She must do her homework because when I show up, she knows what we talked about last time and she asks how those things are going. I was surprised she spent so long talking to me about the Humane Society though. When I first started going to her, volunteering with something was my idea but we had to get me to the point where I could actually do it. And after I've told her all I've learned and am doing there she feels it's a perfect fit for me. I suppose I should have steered her in another direction at our last visit. I won't let tomorrow be a rehash of that. I'll just tell her volunteering is the same thing and it's going fine and then tell her what I want to talk about. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 5, 2017 Share Posted December 5, 2017 A friend of mine once told me that for her mental health she needed someone neutral and unbiased to talk to at least once a month to help her clarify her thoughts and process her feelings. It was like a tune up for her brain. It sounds like it’s something similar for you. I wouldn’t stop if it’s providing you benefit. This was what I needed when I was going. She didn’t objectively *do* anything for me. She hardly ever gave me actual advice. I really only remember one time she made a definitive statement about something I was doing that I needed to see through another lens. 99% of what I wanted was just someone who had no vested interest in the characters in my screwed-up story and was surely not going to gossip to anyone that mattered and, if she judged me personally as a nut-job or an undesirable person then, oh well, NBD, I was just paying her to listen to me anyway. ;) But I am surprised that your counselor spent so much time talking to you about the volunteering work. I basically needed mine to talk hardly at all; I just needed someone who would listen and meet those other requirements I just outlined. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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