Just for fun, would you consider this snooping?

[Jean in Newcastle]

With the additional information, SIL may indeed be ok with telling MIL everything. And she might be ok with what your Dh shared. But you won't really know unless you ask or she finds out from MIL and says something.

 

Personally, I tend to handle things like this by my own moral standards, not by what I think are someone else's standards. For me this falls under my personal standards of privacy and personal boundaries. I guess that I would have a "do unto others " kind of attitude.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Catwoman]

He is using WhatsApp for work as well. His Australian relatives also chat by WhatsApp. So he can’t just delete the app. Besides my in-laws had use their other son’s iPhone to FaceTime my husband while they were at their son’s home.

 

She is okay with MIL opening their (BIL’s and hers) mail when in-laws are at her home, including things that have private and confidential printed on the envelope. This SIL grew up in a family culture that in-laws are the same “rank†as parents so since her mom can read her mail, her in-laws can read her mail. It is not like the Duggars in that the girls (SIL and her sisters) do go to college, can work for anyone, can date and choose their own life partners. It is more like the parents refuse to cut the apron strings.

 

I have a friend in the same kind of family culture where parents has “authority†over their adults kids stuff so she had to put her things in friends homes and redirect mail to a friend’s home. My friend’s sisters were outwardly willing for their parents to go through their stuff and scolded my friend for being secretive but they did not snitch on her, thank goodness.

 

My late paternal grandma behaves similarly to my in-laws but she was born during the 1900s, way before my in-laws who were born in the 1940s and 1950s.

 

ETA:

In this particular case, I do feel a little bad for my MIL. It is well known she has a handbag obsession and SIL have to make it known to MIL that she bought handbags. It’s like telling my alcoholic cousins that I have bought cheap but good wine. She shouldn’t snoop but I can understand the temptation for this particular case.

But this still doesn't make sense to me. If all this information is supposedly so readily available to your MIL, why didn't she simply ask your SIL directly about what kind of handbags she bought? Why would she have even bothered to ask your husband?

[Arcadia]

But this still doesn't make sense to me. If all this information is supposedly so readily available to your MIL, why didn't she simply ask your SIL directly about what kind of handbags she bought? Why would she have even bothered to ask your husband?

MIL can’t wait. SIL should have just sent her husband the photos and let him forward them to his relatives. She is not on WhatsApp, her husband is and they have posted photos of purchases before because my husband would show me. I mean SIL knows all along MIL would be very impatient to see the items once she knows someone bought something. MIL has never hide that fact.

 

She should have asked my husband’s brother to get the photos from his wife but she probably thought that since SIL said the goods are at our home, she might as well ask my husband. Her logic might be flawed but I can see why it happens. My husband’s family does not use Facebook messenger so MIL would not know how to message SIL. She has to call her son to message his wife.

[gardenmom5]

it's snooping.  - and very rude.  

I also think your dh was naive to answer her when he knows how she is, and won't answer those same questions if it had been him doing the purchasing.

 

eta: if your sil would have told her eventually - what difference does it make?

I had a couple relatives who always wanted to know how much something cost - no way in h3!! would I allow them to get the information.   their motives were very telling of the kid of person they were/

Edited October 9, 2017 by gardenmom5

[Arcadia]

I also think your dh was naive to answer her when he knows how she is, and won't answer those same questions if it had been him doing the purchasing.

He does tell his parents everything he purchased for his dad, mom, sister, brother, BIL, SIL, four nieces, one nephew. He does that everytime he mails presents back or a relative helps bring them back. So his parents do know what their kids, their kids’ spouses and their grandkids are getting

 

He does not tell his parents when he buys something for my parents since his mom would compare (and he learned that the hard way).

[gardenmom5]

He does tell his parents everything he purchased for his dad, mom, sister, brother, BIL, SIL, four nieces, one nephew. He does that everytime he mails presents back or a relative helps bring them back. So his parents do know what their kids, their kids’ spouses and their grandkids are getting

 

He does not tell his parents when he buys something for my parents since his mom would compare (and he learned that the hard way).

 

we were probably posting at the same time.  (I edited my comment when I saw you said he tells her this information - which I don't 'get'.)

 

since if the sil would tell her that, I don't see what difference it makes who tells her.   tbh- my two relatives like this, I refused to encourage by giving them that type of information.   nothing good ever came of it.

[Catwoman]

MIL can’t wait. SIL should have just sent her husband the photos and let him forward them to his relatives. She is not on WhatsApp, her husband is and they have posted photos of purchases before because my husband would show me. I mean SIL knows all along MIL would be very impatient to see the items once she knows someone bought something. MIL has never hide that fact.

 

She should have asked my husband’s brother to get the photos from his wife but she probably thought that since SIL said the goods are at our home, she might as well ask my husband. Her logic might be flawed but I can see why it happens. My husband’s family does not use Facebook messenger so MIL would not know how to message SIL. She has to call her son to message his wife.

I have to admit that this is all very confusing to me! :)

[El...]

Sorry your thread isn't turning out very fun.  If there's a cultural difference here, ok, but in my family, that would be well-beyond-strange.  

[marbel]

I have to admit that this is all very confusing to me! :)

 

Yeah, same here.  :-)

 

I think it's odd, but it's between your husband, his mom, and  his sister, so if it happened in my house I would roll my eyes and stay out of it.  :-)   Not knowing the people, the culture, etc I can't say if it's right or wrong.   I know that if my MIL asked me to show her things my husband had bought, I would tell her to ask him. 

[Petrichor]

My inlaws are asian, and always share info on things they buy, and ask us about what we buy, including prices. "How much was that" is always the first, most important question. It bothers me, because my family isn't like that. How much something costs is a secret. Gifts that are not to be given to you, or in front of you are none of your business. In my family culture, I'd be worried that the person would have bad feelings about either the gift chosen for them, or the cost of the gift. 

 

When family comes from overseas though, the opening of the luggage is an event. As is the sharing of the purchases online/whatsapp before they are packed up. 

 

If MY overseas SIL bought, lets say fabric, and hadn't shown it to us yet, and then when we call to video chat them, she isn't home, but other SIL is home, it wouldn't be abnormal for her to show pics of the fabric, and for purchasing SIL to have no problem with it. If other SIL had refused to show the fabric, purchasing SIL probably would say to her "oh, you spoke to Dust&family today? why didn't you show the pieces of fabric to Dust?" 

 

I think that sort of mentality, plus her handbag addiction explains the MIL's behavior well. I call normal. It would be normal for my inlaws, and their entire extended family anyway.