Callie Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 I understand and it is so very hard. Commiserating with you. I only have one left that I am homeschooling and she is attending high school part-time. I do have a couple of activities left with her (leading an American Literature discussion group right now and I drive her to climbing team practice an hour away even though she could drive herself.) I really miss connection with other people. I have very superficial relationships with my family. They all seemed to distance themselves when K came out and when all the mental health stuff arose. I have some superficial relationships with some people at the climbing gym, but, when dd graduates, I won't have the excuse to drive an hour to see them. There were some people that I was close to, or thought I was. But, when I was homebound with my ankle injury a year ago, not one person stopped by or even contacted me (except to maybe post a short comment on one of my facebook laments.) I tried contacting people asking them to come over for a cup of tea or just some conversation. All I heard was "when you are feeling better, we'll do something." I was desperate for company and was being proactive and they put me off. I couldn't leave the house without assistance. After I was getting out on my own, I tried again. I got the whole "Yeah, let's get together" spiel, but no specific dates. I thought I'd reach out to some women who appeared to be in similar boats. We'd finally meet for lunch and I tried to either set up something more regular or find something we could do together (like maybe meet to go walking or get some exercise.) I had spilled my guts about how hard it was to create connection now that homeschooling wasn't my means to meet people. All I got was, "hey, maybe I could meet you for lunch once every other month" or something like that. I gave up. The last straw was a mom's breakfast of some longtime homeschoolers who had been my friends and I decided to stop judging them for not being there for me. At the time. I was really struggling ... Seasonal Affective Disorder exacerbated by some really big life crap. All I got was judgement and condemnation about how I wasn't "doing the work" despite having seen a therapist that wasn't working out for me and going to the doctor and actively looking for support. I actually cried in public and was so humiliated. I've given up on meeting with these women. Not too long later, another person in this group had some minor surgery and asked for company. Boy howdy were they up on it and making plans to go see her. When I asked, it was crickets. I couldn't bring myself to go to the funeral of the FIL of one of these women. I was actually dressed and ready to leave when all the humiliation from our last meeting came back. I sent a card. I don't know what the answer is. I've decided that I just have to make myself leave the house and start making plans for the rest of my life. If I meet people, great. If not, I just have to accept that I am better company than people who make me feel bad. Oh, and I only cry about this once a week now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Free Indeed Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Can I just say I'm glad I'm not the only one? 😠1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocassie Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 That sucks! I have felt this way too frequently. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoundAbout Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 (edited) I totally commiserate. I have had luck making friends with younger, single people through a specific hobby I have. All of my friends who are mid-40s and married with kids, even my best friend who has a daughter my son's age and lives 15 minutes away, seem way too busy with career and family to ever get together. Single people seem more willing to go out of their way for dinner, coffee, drinks, etc. The nice thing about this is that childfree people in their 20s can't get competitive about kids and don't care about how I'm educating DS and they have stuff to talk about other than childrearing. Though it would be nice to have a mom friend with similar lifestyle and values to talk about those issues with, I just recognize thats not going to happen. Edited January 25, 2017 by RoundAbout 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeWillSoar Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 I think this stage of life is especially hard as far as friendships are concerned. I feel ya! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upward Journey Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 I totally commiserate. I have had luck making friends with younger, single people through a specific hobby I have. All of my friends who are mid-40s and married with kids, even my best friend who has a daughter my son's age and lives 15 minutes away, seem way too busy with career and family to ever get together. Single people seem more willing to go out of their way for dinner, coffee, drinks, etc. The nice thing about this is that childfree people in their 20s can't get competitive about kids and don't care about how I'm educating DS and they have stuff to talk about other than childrearing. Though it would be nice to have a mom friend with similar lifestyle and values to talk about those issues with, I just recognize thats not going to happen. I was just about to say the same thing, though in my case the women are in their early thirties. I have moved into more of a mentoring role, rather than peer related. One of these younger women had a little last year, and now I have a goddaughter :) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted January 25, 2017 Author Share Posted January 25, 2017 Thanks, ladies! While it's somewhat comforting to know I'm not alone in this, I wish I was... I'm so sorry that so many of you are lonely and hurting, too... I plan to take more time tomorrow evening to give a longer answer and comment on some replies... THANKS!!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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