Robin in Tx Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 (edited) I'm really at a loss and need help thinking this through, because as someone in my other thread pointed out... I need to get beyond *my* reaction and keep a cool head so that I handle this properly with regards to the children, and my child as well. We have celebrated holidays and gone on vacations with this family... so it's not like they are distant acquaintances. Edited to removed certain information. Folks, the only reason why I posted a poll is because I am lazy and didn't want to have to count all the responses! LOL Also, I thought it would be easier for people to mark which choice they would make without having to spend time explaining their answer... Edited October 15, 2008 by Robin in Tx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackie in AR Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 I would tell her everything, Robin. IIRC, your dd is about the same age as my 13yo boys. She is old enough to be told that information so she'll fully understand her friend's situation. She'll hear about it sooner or later anyway. ((Hugs)) to all of your family as you deal with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 If she's old enough to understand what this woman did, I think you should level with her....otherwise she'll know that you knew but didn't want to discuss it with her. If I were a kid, I'd rather hear my mom tell me about something like this first. I'm sorry. This is really icky. Ria Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim in Appalachia Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 she needs to be told by someone she trusts. She needs you to help her process it. Tell her how you feel and what you are thinking (well, you may need to edit a bit). I can remember learning some very strange stuff about some of my family members when I was a teen. I had a lot of emotions and conflicting thoughts but I didn't know how to process it or express it. It would have been helpful if my parents walked me though it, instead they kept quiet because they didn't know how to say it all to a kid (it was a very soap-opera-ish situation involving close family, quite nasty). Still, kids need to hear not just the facts, but your opinion of those facts. It can be reassuring. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdWTMer Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 I would also be of the mindset to tell my kiddos, especially if we were that close to the other family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiver0f10 Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 I would tell her everything, Robin. IIRC, your dd is about the same age as my 13yo boys. She is old enough to be told that information so she'll fully understand her friend's situation. She'll hear about it sooner or later anyway. ((Hugs)) to all of your family as you deal with it. :iagree: I would tell her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 I voted other....this depends on her age. If she was of age and understanding what gay is then yes I would tell her. Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kzdaisy Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 I would talk to her especially if she is friends with the children.She can be informed and help them instead of being shocked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin in Tx Posted October 14, 2008 Author Share Posted October 14, 2008 Patty, this is a very good point. Do you have any suggesions? What are some good techniques for getting out of a conversation once it becomes uncomfortable? I think it is very wise to give her a few tools in that regard. Thanks so much for the suggestion. And thanks so much to all who responded. Clearly I need to level with her now so I can be the one there when she first tries to come to grips with this. Robin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma23peas Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 Here is my go on this... Corrie Ten Boom's Dad said it best when he was illustrating a point for her. At one point in her life, there was a subject that she wanted to know more about..her father pointed to a very heavy load of luggage and asked her to go pick it up...she couldn't lift it...her father walked over to it and carried it a piece...he told her that the subject was too much of a burden for her and to let him carry it for her until she was ready for it. I feel the same way with my kids...I would tell them as much of the story as you know she can handle..emphasizing the selfishness part and how we are all human and we make bad calls sometimes..show her ways to help them, be an encouragement for the kids, invite them over for movie night, etc. but if she hears something (gossip) from someone else and she wants to question it further that you want to be the one to have that discussion with her... That's how I'd handle it. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 and frankly you're going to have to play it by ear from there. The main thing is to prepare her for it as her parent and to be available if there are questions. She doesn't have the life experience to work through this the way an adult would, so don't expect her to feel the way you do (although she may). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted October 15, 2008 Share Posted October 15, 2008 It depends on the maturity level of your particular 13 year old and what you think as a family culture about homosexuality, I supppose. The 13 year olds I know are fully aware of gay people and what that means so I would want to be the first person to say to my child, "Hey, we need to talk about Mrs. X." Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin in Tx Posted October 15, 2008 Author Share Posted October 15, 2008 Thanks, everyone. I have had the discussion with dd, and it went a little better than I anticipated. The main points I emphasized were geared towards reassuring her and making her feel safe and secure, and helping her to understand just how painful this must be so that she could be a good friend filled with compassion and encouragement (you know, teens tend to focus only on themselves), and that she could talk to us about anything, and that whilel we were going to support the family every way we could I didn't want her taking on the role of "fixer" because all she can do for her friend is listen, love and pray. And to not feel guilty about trying to get away from the situation if it started to overwhelm her. Come to me and we'd work it out. We both cried a little. But honestly, I don't think she's thought about it again since the conversation which I am thankful for... one of us having a meltdown is enough. It helps that she's in the middle of the twilight series... thank goodness for captivating books!! Thanks again, everyone for all the kind words and for putting up with my ranting and raving today. I'm so glad I got things off my chest here instead of IRL where everyone's nerves are as raw as mine. And I'm grateful the discussion is over. There was nothing left to say. Appreciate y'all! Robin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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