Teaching manners, consideration for others etc

[BonnieLK]

I feel like this is an absurd question and I should intuitively know how, but I don't, so...

 

Can anybody recommend website, articles, books, curriculum, general resources that focus on teaching children more than please/thank you/wash your hands/cover your mouth - things like "You have to get out of the way and stop being a jerk when somebody needs to use the restroom instead of playing with you" and "stop pushing and shoving and generally being a jerk because you want to go down the stairs before somebody else"?

 

My kid isn't a bad/mean kid but he definitely has his self-absorbed moments (because he's 4 and it's developmentally where he is) but I'm somebody who needs a map. It's just the kind of person I am.

 

I've looked at assorted books on virtues but I don't think they really hit upon what I want. Story and picture books are probably most developmentally appropriate but heck if I can find the good ones. I'm probably searching for the wrong thing.

 

Please help me figure out how to make this part of our "school". Thanks in advance!

[PeterPan]

Socialthinking - The Incredible Flexible You Curriculum Set Volume 1 (Deluxe)

 

This is what we used, and it's FABULOUS.  Now we're using the sequel program We Thinkers 2.  

 

I didn't mention it because I'm selling, but I will be selling my set at some point.  My ds enjoys rereading the books, so I haven't been in a rush.  But if you want it, you'd be welcome to buzz me a pm and see if I can get my act together.   :)

 

The *reason* programs like this work is because they help the dc start noticing what *other* people are thinking and feeling.  That's the gap.  Just a list of rules won't get him as far as the concepts, and the Social Thinking materials are strong on concepts.  They cross labels and don't need labels to be beneficial.  The materials I linked are PERFECT for a 4 yo.   :)

 

And no, it's not a dumb question!  Some kids need a little more help to notice things and get *why* their behavior is making people have uncomfortable thoughts.  It shows you're a concerned, attentive parent who's wanting to make sure he has the skills to act in the expected way in a variety of situations.  It shows you're attentive and diligent!  It's a GOOD thing!  :)

Edited August 26, 2016 by OhElizabeth

[BonnieLK]

Thank you very much! Do you think this program is suitable for a single child? I briefly looked at the Socialthinking website and the description isn't terribly thorough but left me with the impression that it's geared more for a classroom setting. Did you find that to be the case?

[jjeepa]

Munro Leaf has a few books on those types of things - How to Behave and Why, How to Talk Politely and Why, and Manners can be Fun.  We only read the Talk Politely book, but I would give the others a try too.  The Talk Politely book was exactly what my 5 yr old and 10 year old needed at the time.  

 

 

[PeterPan]

Thank you very much! Do you think this program is suitable for a single child? I briefly looked at the Socialthinking website and the description isn't terribly thorough but left me with the impression that it's geared more for a classroom setting. Did you find that to be the case?

 

Perfectly fine at home with one.  The set comes with 5 storybooks keyed to the lessons, and a teacher's manual with the lessons, activities, etc.  It's great with one, just fine.  You don't actually want a large group anyway, because you really want to be able to get in his head and work on how he's thinking, ask questions that make him think.

[LMCme]

Depending on where your child is at educationally, the CLE readers for their Reading series feature children who are generally well behaved, with some kids not behaving and then you can discuss what was wrong with the behavior.  If you get the teachers manual for Reading 1 as well as the reader (I Wonder) it will guide you through having the discussions.  The discussions are biblically based, so if you are not Christian it may not work all that well.

 

Best,

LMC

[fralala]

There are two separate issues in my household, which are

 

1) Kids not knowing which behaviors are rude and which ones are polite or being able to figure out what to do in certain upsetting situations-- which I find easiest to teach by modeling, books like the Learning to Get Along series by Cheryl Meiner (which are available at my library and include titles like Cool Down and Work Through Anger, Join in and Play, and Share and Take Turns) and the Courteous Kids series by Janine Amos (also at my library, e.g. "Go Away!" and "Move Over!"). These aren't the greatest pieces of literature ever, but they get the job done. And Daniel Tiger does, too, on the days I'm wiped out...

 

2) Kids not being able to control themselves even though they could easily identify the kind of behavior which would be rude. Even though it's designed for classrooms, I like using the MindUp curriculum for teaching general mindfulness, self-control, empathy, and so forth. It also contains trade book suggestions that tend to be prettier and less didactic than the above.

 

 

[Lanny]

This was in a Brick and Mortar school, but your desire is to do something like they did. When DD was very young (K4, K5 and First Grade) we had much more income and she was in the *wonderful* U.S. accredited school here.  I was in a volunteer group called "Pilares de Vida". The program had begun, in California of all places, can you believe that, approximately 40 or 45 years ago. It is a Morals program to try to teach children, when they are very young, to respect others, treat them as they would want to be treated, etc.  Although that school was $$$$$$ the morals there were much higher than in the much less expensive Church run school, DD attended during 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th grades. I applaud your desire to teach this and wish that I could suggest a source to you. 

[Library Momma]

Our local Park & Rec periodically offers a manners class for young children.  You may want to see if something similar is available in your area.

[Guest]

I listened to the author of this book on a podcast a year or two ago. Seemed to make a lot of sense, which is I guess why I filed it in my brain and recalled it now. :) I have not read the book, but she did have helpful tips on the podcast. I am pretty sure I heard her on Focus on the Family so it is going to be Christian based most likely.

 

http://a.co/344hFjt

[Ausmumof3]

I feel like this is an absurd question and I should intuitively know how, but I don't, so...

 

Can anybody recommend website, articles, books, curriculum, general resources that focus on teaching children more than please/thank you/wash your hands/cover your mouth - things like "You have to get out of the way and stop being a jerk when somebody needs to use the restroom instead of playing with you" and "stop pushing and shoving and generally being a jerk because you want to go down the stairs before somebody else"?

 

My kid isn't a bad/mean kid but he definitely has his self-absorbed moments (because he's 4 and it's developmentally where he is) but I'm somebody who needs a map. It's just the kind of person I am.

 

I've looked at assorted books on virtues but I don't think they really hit upon what I want. Story and picture books are probably most developmentally appropriate but heck if I can find the good ones. I'm probably searching for the wrong thing.

 

Please help me figure out how to make this part of our "school". Thanks in advance!

For younger kids some of the Montessori lessons work. For my kids honestly it has been a life long process of teaching. On the flip side my youngest who is quick to pick this stuff up is quite judgmental of the same age kids who don't so will need to work on building tolerance over time I guess.

[HS Mom in NC]

When he's a little older it can be a helpful to read loud some sections of this: https://www.amazon.com/Unwritten-Rules-Friendship-Strategies-Friends/dp/0316917303/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1472668202&sr=1-1&keywords=unwritten+rules+of+friendship

[DixieCup]

We enjoyed reading some books by Julia Cook; she also has a website http://www.juliacookonline.com/

I had to have my library request them from other libraries as our local one didn't have them.

Here is an example we read:  Personal Space Camp which is about refraining from encroaching into someone's personal space

I can't remember if it was in that book or if I heard it elsewhere, but I remind my children to pretend everyone has an invisible hula hoop

around them they aren't supposed to cross.

Here is a list of her titles and what they are about:  http://www.juliacookonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/titles_and_topics.pdf

 

Also, we just started Cotillion classes.  Basically, I typed "manners" and the name of my city into a search engine and this

popped up.  We weren't thrilled about the part of class dealing with proper dance technique, but I do understand how it falls in line

with manners/etiquette now that we've already attended one class.  (And it ended up being fun and there was food involved!  My son liked that part!)

Depending on your area, there may be classes that start for very young

ages.  The one near me is for middle and high school ages.  http://nljc.com/

I am also learning some social graces I wasn't aware of!  

Edited August 31, 2016 by DixieCup

[BonnieLK]

Thank you everyone. I'll be checking all your recommendations while I'm hurricaned in this weekend.

 

I'd like to just leave this up to "figuring it put as he goes" but he's an only child not in school, and seems to have some challenges recognizing personal boundaries, can't figure out that he only has to ask once and give someone time to respond, doesn't "get" that it's hideously rude to point in someone's face, and so on. Hard to tell whether its underexposure to peers, parenting failure or some sort of social disorder but obviously I want to help overcome whatever it is.