turquoiseblue Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 This is the start of our third year hs'ing my two boys ages 10 and 8. They attended private school until we moved out of state and I decided to give homeschooling a try. Our school is pretty structured: Math, Spelling, Grammar, Writing, History with outside classes at our co-op and sports. We are generally done with 'school' in about 2-3hours with breaks in between. I felt our first year and most of our second year went pretty well. The last few months of last academic year became pretty rough for us. Both boys have always had problems dealing with challenges, frustration and getting anything wrong. We were dealing frequently with big tantrums when a child did not understand something right away or got something wrong. After some thinking and some evaluating, it appeared that some fine motor problems were causing frustration for my youngest. He has been in OT for many months and is now much improved. I also started taking both boys to a therapist to help them learn strategies for dealing with negative feelings. So now we are on Day 3 of our new school year and both boys just had big meltdowns because they didn't understand something right away. I'm at a loss. Am I doing this wrong? Is it me? Is it the curriculum? Is it normal to deal with tears every day? I *know* they are capable of the work we are doing---it seems they both just freeze up mentally as soon as something is not clear immediately. Should I just scrap everything and let them unschool for a year? This year we are planning on doing a lot of 'projects' that they want to do as incentive to do the more mundane subjects. I'd be grateful for any advice, encouragement or sympathy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Tick Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Aww, that sounds stinky. Sorry you are all having a rough time. It often takes us a couple weeks to really find our stride, so it is too early to give up all hope! But you are right to look for help, surely someone here will have some btdt to share with you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 This is my constant struggle with one of my dd, specially when it's math related. I don't think mine needs therapy, we are just both very emotional people and get easily teary eyed. I'm not sure I can help with any suggestions, but just know that you are not the only one. Hope it gets better very soon! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Some kiddos are super intense, and the reasons vary. One of the best things you can do is try to spot a pattern--it could with math, like another poster mentioned, or it could be time for a snack (some kids are very temperamental when they need to eat, and those are ages where my kids put away plate after plate of food all day long). If you find it's around a certain thing all the time, then you can figure out if there is an underlying problem (vision, etc.) or something that requires additional testing or supporting/waiting for maturity. A lot of previously unidentified learning issues come up in this age range, especially with high ability kids who could compensate up until this point. A lot of high ability kids are also quite perfectionistic as well. The combo of high ability, learning issues, and perfectionism is not unusual, though you could just need time for old-fashioned de-schooling also. And, as simple as it sounds, stay up-to-date on vision checks, and consider having a check for ocular motor issues with a COVD (developmental) optometrist. That is one issue that is at play for us. One child has 20/20 vision but ocular motor issues; the other child has terrible vision (not 20/20 even when corrected), has rapid vision changes (new lenses about every six months somtimes), and he is showing signs of ocular motor issues. It comes out in behavior (avoidance, inattention, whining, silliness) and frustration. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Start the new year with fewer subjects and a field trip. Is it learned behavior? I didn't put up with fussing about school work. It has to be done. It doesn't sound like you are working them too hard. Are you sitting with them? Enough non text books? Science and History together for fun with labs and projects? Museum trips? If they throw a fit I would send them to their room until they calmed down and were ready to try again with you. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Critterfixer Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I don't know that I'd scrap everything three days in. But I would sure be looking at those projects and figuring out whether I could swing one tomorrow. If your guys are anything like mine, it can be a bear to figure out exactly when and what they are ready for. Mine swing between the eye-rolling, Mom-get-out-of-my-way mood, to the refuse-to-ask-for-help-because-Latin-has-bit-my-tail....again mood. Mostly within minutes. :laugh: But mine are older now, so the second mood has taken the place of tears-of-frustration response. The cure, more often than not, is to put the work away, feed them, set them going on something where their confidence is not misplaced, and once they have reset things and feel better, we take on the offending subject together in a quiet, no-nonsense way. Does it work all the time? No. But it seems to work much of the time for us. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Dd is a dramatic, intense person (I have no idea where she gets it, ahem :o), and there are tears every second day or so. Not serious breakdowns, but a few tears. She will break into a teary, "But, but, MOM!", and then the next moment she'll grasp the new concept and gasp in triumph. Gasping, crying, gulping, arm-waving, sighs, high-fives, it is all de riguer around here. Math is what breaks her down. She's doing grade-appropriate to advanced work. I console myself that she would not do this in a school environment (RIGHT?). She's comfortable because she's here with me. The point up-thread about offering food is a good one. Dd eats constantly. Also, I have heard that school teachers spend the first few days of every year getting everyone into the new routines: the rules, the expectations, the consequences, etc. If they have to break in a new class, I think we can expect kids, in their own home where they are comfortable letting all their emotions hang out, to take a week or so to adjust to the new demands of mom as teacher. I don't take the summer off, and this is one of the reasons. Hang in there! Retrench, set up some strategies, and give it some time. Good luck! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 elroisees, you just described my daughter and the situation we have at home! I was talking to her yesterday how we both need to set emotions apart when schooling, specially math. The "but,but,but" drives me insane! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 elroisees, you just described my daughter and the situation we have at home! I was talking to her yesterday how we both need to set emotions apart when schooling, specially math. The "but,but,but" drives me insane! Good to know we're not alone! Today Dd said to me, at the end of math time, "Well, my brain grew!" The book Mindset has been a key for me to help her value struggle. Or at least that's what I'm trying to achieve! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Thank you!! Will check out that book Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sandrwersoe Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 It has to be done. It doesn't sound like you are working them too hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turquoiseblue Posted August 21, 2015 Author Share Posted August 21, 2015 Thank you, everyone, for your responses. They started today by filling water balloons outside and popping them with their bottoms. Things went much better when we sat down to do school today. :laugh: 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 When we have a really bad day or especially if we have two in a row, I change everything the next day. Pretty much every time. We go do school at Panera up the street or we have poetry tea first thing or we take a field trip... just something to make things be different. Don't let it become a habit because I think it can do so pretty quickly. One of my ds really struggles with anxiety and we have days like you describe, but when they go for many days in a row, then I don't feel like that's okay. There has to be an intervention. If it's truly anxiety, then saying "work harder, suck it up" and so forth, which has been the attitude in this thread in places, is not going to help for the most part. You're getting help, so hopefully you're working out other strategies. For us, I have to really stop ds the moment he starts down that path and make him walk away and not do the work until he's in a better frame of mind. It can really draw the day out sometimes, but making him be alone to calm himself down and then starting again is so preferable to a day that is full of tears. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turquoiseblue Posted August 15, 2016 Author Share Posted August 15, 2016 (edited) UPDATE: I thought I'd give an update about how our year ended up going and where we are now. Not long after my post after about two more weeks of big tantrums and issues especially with our language arts work, I read a book called "Teach Like Your Hair's On Fire" and several others by Rafe Esquith. (I know the author is not without some controversy these days.) One of the things he talked about doing with his 5th graders was watching classic films. So I got inspired and decided to drop ALL our formal spelling, grammar, and writing curriculum. Instead, we watched 20min of a classic movie everyday. My boys love history, especially WWII, so I tried to choose movies about that era in the beginning. After watching we talked about setting, characters, conflict, the music of the movie or great shots we saw and then I had them write a narration of what we watched. Suddenly, instead of being able to barely come up with five words to put on a page, they were filling one or two pages! I couldn't believe it. Then I corrected the mechanics of their grammar, writing and spelling with them. We did this for the full year. I fretted over the summer as my oldest is in '6th grade' this year. Did we do enough? Did they really learn anything? We started homeschool year 4 two weeks ago. I am incorporating formal work in language arts again and so far it has been so much better than last year. They really seem better prepared to handle the work this time around. Secondly, and this is the part I am over the moon about, these two boys spontaneously asked me if they could write a book together! They have spent nearly every spare moment typing this story on our computer. The language is rich, the story exciting and I can see where they have drawn on movies we have watched, books they have read independently and ones we have read together. It is all that I can do to keep from running around the house yelling, "It's working! It's working!" So as I begin our 4th year I have found that I learned two things from this experience. 1) Sometimes the tears and tantrums mean they are not ready for the material. 2) When the going gets tough, sometimes you have to change everything! Thank you for letting me share my experience with you all. Here is the list of movies we watched. (I would not presume to know if every parent would think they were appropriate for their own 8-11 year-old children, but these were ok for us.) The Longest Day - Tora! Tora! Tora! High Noon Star Wars: Episode I Sergeant York Bridge over the River Kwai Wizard of Oz Oz the Great & Powerful The African Queen Charade The Battle of Britain On the Town Von Ryan’s Express A League of their Own The Fighting Sullivan’s The Guns of Nazarene The Treasure of the Sierra Madre Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid True Grit (original) Casablanca Fort Apache Singing in the Rain Westside Story Hombre (this is just on the edge of what I would consider appropriate for my boys) The Princess Bride Seven Brides for Seven Brothers Wall-E Lawrence of Arabia 2001: A Space Odyssey Field of Dreams - April 2016 Apollo 13 Explorers To Catch a Thief The Enemy Below Edited August 15, 2016 by turquoiseblue 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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