Nm

[Innisfree]

Nm

Edited May 15, 2019 by Innisfree

[Leav97]

Could you talk to the coach?  Not to reveal the special needs but, to ask the boys to stop coaching her.  Something as straightforward as, "Hey guys that's my job."

 

How long is practice?  Would it be possible for her to take a 5-minute break in the middle to be someplace quiet?

 

Practicing with the younger kids may not help.  They are probably even louder.

[OneStepAtATime]

What about private swim lessons?  Or semi-private?  Just to beef up her swim skills and give her some confidence.

 

FWIW, I found that my son, whose coordination has never been anywhere near as good as his sister's, needed private or semi-private lessons separate from whatever group activity he was doing to really get the movements down well.  This was true for martial arts, swimming and baseball.  The private (or semi-private) targeted lessons really, really helped with coordination but also with confidence when he was in group settings.

[MysteryJen]

As a swim team mom, with a verbal and opinionated 10 yo boy, not much is going to happen without talking about the asd. If you talked to me, but didn't tell me anything, I would assume it was just an irritation with a boy. I would tell him to not talk to her and he would be totally confused as to why, but that would not help her socially. Kids talk in the lanes. Lanes are crowded and noisy. Kids and parents really do try to be nice, but they need information. Coaches need information to do a good job as well. 

 

We had a girl (13) who joined our team and was very unhappy with where she was placed and discouraged all overtures at friendship. Turns out, when she left the team and accused all the girls of bullying (absolutely not true-parents were present at all practices), we found out she had asd. It would have been much easier for everyone to understand her better, if we had known. 

 

Private lessons would definitely help her with swimming. But I think you need to get more people on board to help her out with the other challenges of swim team.

[Innisfree]

Nm

Edited May 15, 2019 by Innisfree

[Innisfree]

Nm

Edited May 15, 2019 by Innisfree

[MysteryJen]

:grouphug: I am sorry she is struggling. Lane stuff is a challenge for everyone. Even the most socially adept kids can struggle with lane issues (which is why coaches tend to stay out of them...nt kids come to a detente on their own). For the left/right issues, I had my dyslexic dd2 swim with a ponytail band on her right wrist during practice. That hand had to stay by the lane line. Colliding with kids in the lane is a real problem. :grouphug:

[MysteryJen]

I completely understand the privacy issues and I really respect how you care for your dd's feelings. It is so hard to watch our kids struggle. But maybe you could tell the coaches that she is struggling (without saying the why) and see what they suggest.

 

Maybe feel out some parents as well.

[Innisfree]

Nm

Edited May 15, 2019 by Innisfree

[Innisfree]

I'll try the ponytail band trick today, thanks!  :001_smile:

[kbutton]

MysteryJen, yes, I completely see what you're saying about the need to give people the extra information so they understand the situation. The problem really becomes how to respect your kid's need for privacy while doing so. This is partly a problem of her own making I guess, but the need for privacy is so.strong. I'd rather be open, but it's not about me. I'm perfectly happy to talk to the coaches, or to other parents I know well and trust, but she would already be very deeply upset if she knew I'd done that. And even if I think she's unreasonable... It's still not about me, and I have a hard time not weighing her feelings and preferences very carefully.

 

It becomes very hard to help her succeed.

 

I think you could tell the coaches and adults that she has some specific issues that affect her ability to negotiate these things with other kids and affect her coordination. "Because of this, it's appropriate for me, as her mom, to intervene a little more than I would with another child of the same age." Then list what the specific things are, such as not being able to handle unwanted advice (it's demoralizing/frustrating, esp. since it may not even be effective for your daughter). If they try to guess or suggest the specifics of her diagnosis, you can nip it in the bud with something like, "We work with relevant professionals to help her become the best she can be, but the specifics of her situation are not things I am willing to discuss--they are private. I will tell you what specific things are troublesome related to swim team, but I will keep that information in the context of DD has trouble with x, I think y would help." That's kind of what we do with outside activities where disclosure is a gamble. That way, the adults know what the sticking points are, but they don't have to know his life story. ETA: Oh, and I meant to say that you can state with confidence to your daughter that you did not discuss her ASD with others. :-) 

 

On the actual swimming front, has she done OT or other specific therapies for her bilateral coordination? My son had some trouble with that, and oddly enough vision therapy helped tremendously with his swimming since many of the supportive exercises in VT work on bilateral problems. I think you can have an OT do these things too. We went in to VT to work on eye strain and came out with dramatic swimming improvement as a side benefit. Later OT helped with it a little bit more (it wasn't the focus of his OT). But I think most people work on those sorts of things in OT. He went from having a very imbalanced stroke (but lots of hard work and strength), to his swim instructors suggesting we put him on the swim team (we don't do swim team, so I can't speak to those dynamics).

[MysteryJen]

Kbutton has good advice and it is important to remember that all kids new to swim team and 10&u kids in general have adjustment periods. Most coaches are aware and try to get the new kids through the hurdles. That is why you don't have to mention a diagnosis or even a long list of things. Just make them aware of the one or two things that are most pressing.

 

I would say as a mom of a coach, try to make sure it is something a coach can actually do something about. They can tell kids to knock stuff off, but noise and crowding in a lane may be beyond their control.

[Lawyer&Mom]

Wanted to add that once you basically know the strokes, just a few private sessions can be really valuable. Little tweaks can make a big difference in your efficiency. If she feels more confident with the swimming itself, it may give her more energy to deal with the other kids.