Guest sparkles1886 Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Hello. One of my close friends has invited me to her engagement party, but I'm not sure what an appropriate gift would be. I'm friends with both her and her intended, but since this is really more of a "contract" party as she put it (as they are not engaged to be married but they are signing the contract so they can officially date), I'm not sure what I should get her. Any advice would be greatly helpful. I asked her sister and she told me not to get anything but I think she's just being kind. I asked her cousin as well, who suggested something small like chocolates. Please help me know what I should really bring! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sparkles1886 Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Btw the reason I'm posting here is because I was homeschooled and my mother suggested this board for some great advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 If they will be able to date as in doing things like going out to a restaurant alone together getting them something like a gift card to a restaurant, or an ice cream place or something similar might be nice. I don't know the actual cultural norms they are working within though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petrichor Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 I'm muslim. The culture varies. I probably wouldn't get a gift. I'd just give them one (cash) at their marriage/moving in together party. But if you really want to give a gift, a gift card to a restaurant, theater (if they watch movies) or similar seems like a great idea. It wouldn't be a big gift, maybe a $50 or even $20 gift card. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 What is her cultural/ethnic background? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Um_2_4 Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 Well, it depends where they are from (lots of this can be cultural) . I have been to 3 types of parties. 1. Just for the women usually before the wedding, similar to a bacherolette (sp?) party (without the alcohol, dancing etc) And we brought gifts for the bride, think trousseau. (Don't think that is what you are attending here). 2. An engagement where the contract is written (this means they are technically married and can be alone together, though in many cultures a chaperon will sometimes still hang around), sometimes the bride is given her gold. Usually a dinner is served or at least sweets. Flowers or sweets would be nice (think more like a hostess gift). But most times we did not take any gift. Usually the families see this as a time to host the guests and celebrate the announcement and no gifts are expected. Last time I was in Egypt, I think my stepMIL slipped some cash to the groom at the engagement party (he is her cousin's son), but I am not sure. Some give $ there because it is very expensive for them to marry and set up a new household. If you know them both would a gift card to a restaurant around there be a good idea? (Remember not all engagements end in marriages, so I wouldn't want to give something that lasts, kwim? LOL! My own SIL has been engaged a couple times already, sometimes things come up as they are getting to know each other and it doesn't work out.) 3. The actual wedding party and usual gifts include money or something for the house. And usually a huge dinner is hosted. Sounds like you are attending #2. Now keep in mind, most of the events I have attended have been Lebanese, Palestinian, Jordanian, Syrian and Egyptian, so things might be different from other countries: Malaysia, Pakistan, India, Turkish, those from Gulf countries, etc. OK probably more info than you needed :laugh: . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sparkles1886 Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 She is Syrian and he is from Saudi Arabia. Um_2_4, yes it sounds like #2. Thank you so much for all of your help! I think I will go with the gift card to a restaurant suggestion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 I agree it sounds like #2. Also agree with something food related such as a gift card or box of chocolates. Whatever you get them, keep in mind they don't eat pork or probably, non-Halal meat. So if you get a gift card, go for something with good fish or good vegetarian food. If you bring a gift, make sure it has no meat or gelatin in it. And no alcohol, so no certificates for a wine bar or boozy chocolates. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Um_2_4 Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 I agree it sounds like #2. Also agree with something food related such as a gift card or box of chocolates. Whatever you get them, keep in mind they don't eat pork or probably, non-Halal meat. So if you get a gift card, go for something with good fish or good vegetarian food. If you bring a gift, make sure it has no meat or gelatin in it. And no alcohol, so no certificates for a wine bar or boozy chocolates. :) Yep. If they are your friends, you might know a favorite ice cream spot, cafe with good pie, etc around there??? Might be easier than finding a restaurant... Or surprise her the morning after the party with a "congratulations" fruit bouquet.... all new "brides" like to be spoiled a bit (ok, I totally want chocolate covered strawberries now...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giraffe Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 #2. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 2. An engagement where the contract is written (this means they are technically married and can be alone together, though in many cultures a chaperon will sometimes still hang around) Can you elaborate on this for the rest of us? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Um_2_4 Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 Can you elaborate on this for the rest of us? Basically a marriage in Islam is an agreement made between the parties(the groom accepts the responsibility of providing for the bride, he is advised usually how to treat her and what her rights are on him and the bride is usually given a gift by the groom, often gold or money or maybe a house among the wealthy, some delay the gift till later). I used contract, because I can't think of another word......agreement maybe??? At that point they are married. He is her husband and can see her without a scarf, be alone in a room with her, hold hands, etc, etc. In Islam we observe ^khulwah, this means a man or woman does not stay in a private place with a member of the opposite s@x unless they are related by blood (dad, uncle, brother) or marriage ( husband, FIL, grandFIL). So the contract/agreement removes that barrier to them getting to know each other. The marriages of people I have know often start with the contract being made and then 6 months- a year later the wedding is held and they start their household (and the marriage is consummated). If for some reason they decide not to proceed, the contract is broken and each goes their own way. Many friends had "chaperons" on their "dates" after the contract. It was just custom. Often the chaperon would make themselves "scarce" but let's just say they do't want to have to push forward the wedding date, kwim :lol: . Some places an engagement does not mean making a marriage contract, it is simply announcing that guy X intends to marry girl Y in public and they read some Qur'an and serve sweets, but they are fully chaperoned all the time until they decide to make the contract (usually a few days before the actual wedding). Then there is me who talked on the phone (after we were introduced) daily for 2 months and went straight to being married :lol: and my honeymoon breakfast was at Denny's :rolleyes: . (I did get the big party and fancy dress later ;) ). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 So are all Muslims crazy foodies or married to crazy foodies? Or is that just the people I know? :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate in Arabia Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 Now that you mention it, yeah, there's a whole lot of centering things around food, lol. I remember when I got married in Mumbai my in-laws were planning the reception and they brought, like, ten different kinds of homemade ice cream for me to taste and select from. The torture! lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted August 1, 2014 Share Posted August 1, 2014 Basically a marriage in Islam is an agreement made between the parties(the groom accepts the responsibility of providing for the bride, he is advised usually how to treat her and what her rights are on him and the bride is usually given a gift by the groom, often gold or money or maybe a house among the wealthy, some delay the gift till later). I used contract, because I can't think of another word......agreement maybe??? At that point they are married. He is her husband and can see her without a scarf, be alone in a room with her, hold hands, etc, etc. In Islam we observe ^khulwah, this means a man or woman does not stay in a private place with a member of the opposite s@x unless they are related by blood (dad, uncle, brother) or marriage ( husband, FIL, grandFIL). So the contract/agreement removes that barrier to them getting to know each other. The marriages of people I have know often start with the contract being made and then 6 months- a year later the wedding is held and they start their household (and the marriage is consummated). If for some reason they decide not to proceed, the contract is broken and each goes their own way. Many friends had "chaperons" on their "dates" after the contract. It was just custom. Often the chaperon would make themselves "scarce" but let's just say they do't want to have to push forward the wedding date, kwim :lol: . Some places an engagement does not mean making a marriage contract, it is simply announcing that guy X intends to marry girl Y in public and they read some Qur'an and serve sweets, but they are fully chaperoned all the time until they decide to make the contract (usually a few days before the actual wedding). Then there is me who talked on the phone (after we were introduced) daily for 2 months and went straight to being married :lol: and my honeymoon breakfast was at Denny's :rolleyes: . (I did get the big party and fancy dress later ;) ). Fascinating. Thanks for educating us Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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