Jen in NY Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 My dds have been dancing for a long time. This will be dd13's 11th year - and we've been at the same studio for 6 years. It's lovely... the owner is the only teacher, we know everyone, we're comfy there. It's like a family. But lately my daughter has been restless. She wants something *more*... she sees modern dance companies and knows that that's her wish... to train harder, better, more seriously. She knows that it's not what she's getting where she is now. This week was the clincher... she's at a modern dance camp and has seen that her preparation is lacking. The other girls have been trained in a way that has never even been introduced to her. She wants that. But I feel soooooo terrible when I think about telling her beloved dance teacher that she is leaving. There is a ballet/modern training center here that is much more serious... not a "studio"... no recital with 16 costumes per kid at the end of the year... just technique, technique, technique all year and a "demonstration" at the end. This is what my daughter wants. She might go there and be completely out of her league and end up quitting, but then again... she might go and flourish. I have some power here to influence the situation. I could encourage her to be the "big fish" in a little pond, or I could encourage her to be a guppy in a great big ocean. What would you do? jen in ny --- *shaking in her boots about that phone call she's going to have to make* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 It is time for her to change. Just let the instructor know why - she needs to know if her class offering are not keeping up with what advanced dancer's need. You may be doing the instructor a favor by telling her this! You will do your dd no favor by not letting her move on. It is all about your dd, not the instructor. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in the Kootenays Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 It is all about your dd, not the instructor.:) :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 It is all about your dd, not the instructor.:) Forgive me if I'm wrong, Jen. My hunch is that I think Jen knows this. And she knows that she needs to allow her daughter to move forward. But she is concerned about her part in having to tell the teacher with whom they have developed a close relationship, and needs help with the wording. There are some gifted and brilliant matter-of-fact-with-tact speech writers here. Maybe some of them can offer suggestions?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 Similar situation: small dance school, very talented daughter, much loved instructor, daughter needed to move on. We ended up not moving for various reasons, but when I called the teacher, she was actually somewhat relieved: she knew dd needed a larger school with more advanced students and that she couldn't challenge her any more. She said she'd actually been thinking about what to do about my daughter and was going to suggest that she look at a bigger school. The teacher was gracious and not offended at all. I have two recommendations: First, I called the teacher early in the process, just after dd auditioned for the new school but before we made up our minds. Second, I never criticized the teacher or her school, which was easy because I feel like the teacher has done a marvelous job instilling both ballet technique and a love for dance in my daughter. Hope that helps. I really do hope it will be easier than you expect. P.S. We ended up not moving because we got a scheduling miracle that allowed my daughter to move up to a class with much older, more advanced girls. Terri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 You know, this is *not* an unusual problem, and I'm sure your current teacher has seen it before. If she's the only teacher in her school, she has to know that it's very limited. And at 13, your daughter is right -- if she wants to pursue dance, she really *must* have teachers who are going to give her the best possible foundation in technique. I think you just have to be honest with the teacher. Start with the positive, "We love you; we love the studio; it feels like family; you've helped develop dd's love of dance..." And then let her know that it's also time for dd to move on. "She is ready for more challenge, a variety of teachers, further development of technique." And finally, let her know a little of your own turmoil. "It's been a tough decision and we're really torn, but we truly believe this is the best decision for dd right now." She has two choices. She can be sad to see your dd go, but recognize that she *does* have a small school and any student who truly wants to pursue dance will need to go elsewhere (probably between the ages of 11 and 13 -- do you notice, for instance, that the most talented girls *do* begin to vanish from the studio around that age?). She will be supportive despite the loss. Her other option is to take it personally and become very angry and hurt. From what you say though, I doubt this will be the case. I've seen instructors and coaches (other sports) become furious when a child has reached the limit of the instructor/coach's ability and must move on. But generally in those cases, there have been signs all along that that instructor/coach had a self-centered or irrational streak. Since you haven't mentioned that, I'll assume that she's one of those reasonable individuals who recognizes that sometimes it's in a student's best interest to move forward elsewhere, and that it's a testament to her that they have learned to love dance and been prepared to make that step. But yes, your daughter is completely right. If dance is what she loves, she needs to be in a technique-based dance school with a variety of instructors who will really push her to be the very best that she can. And you're right too -- if her previous school, while loving and welcoming, wasn't strong on technique, the transition may be a tough one for a little while. But she's young enough that she *can* do it, if it's what she truly wants. I might also present the current teacher with a small gift and a card telling her how much your (family's) time at her studio has meant to you all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in NY Posted August 22, 2008 Author Share Posted August 22, 2008 Amazingly, she called me this morning to talk about dd13. She's proposing moving her up to all the most advanced classes, having her assist a couple of the younger classes... But I still know in my heart that if dd really and truly wants to pursue dance she needs a different *type* of place, not just a different studio. As I said to my friend, it would be like taking piano all your life, learning only pop music, and then upon making your application to a conservatory discovering that you were actually supposed to know all genres and styles of classical music. The contrast between what is possible at the current studio and what she needs to succeed in dance is that blatant. Thanks for listening... it's just so hard knowing that I'm going to hurt this woman that has been so amazingly generous with her time and talent. I know she's going to feel it deeply. Jen in NY Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 But I still know in my heart that if dd really and truly wants to pursue dance she needs a different *type* of place, not just a different studio. ... The contrast between what is possible at the current studio and what she needs to succeed in dance is that blatant. Yes, I believe you're right. I'm not sure I agree about your use of the word "studio", but it's certainly true that if she wants to proceed, she'll need a variety of teachers who demand strong technique and expose her to a range of dance styles. One single teacher with limited range, or any number of teachers with weaker technique will not give her the foundation she needs to have further opportunities in dance if this is her true love. Thanks for listening... it's just so hard knowing that I'm going to hurt this woman that has been so amazingly generous with her time and talent. I know she's going to feel it deeply. :grouphug: I'm so sorry. Again though, if she has your daughter's best interest at heart, she will know that this is the best choice, disappointed as she may be. It's just all part of watching children grow, and that can be painful. But I'm so sorry you feel you have to hurt this woman in the process. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
readwithem Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 Could your dd take a trial class before you make your decision? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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