Driver's Ed and ADHD, etc.

[Princess Ariel]

Has anyone dealt with this with a kid who has ADHD, slow processing and a list of ld's? Just overall not a real responsible kid?  He is 15 and asking when he can take driver's ed.  We have told him no, he won't be taking it or driving for a while yet, probably wait until he is 18.  His older NT siblings all took it and drove at 16 or 17 yo with no issues at all. He takes our decision as though we are punishing him, then going on to say, fine, he will never drive then if that is the way it's going to be.

What bothers me the  most is other adults in his life, aunts, uncles, family friends,  even the CNP he sees for his meds are asking him when he is going to start driving!!! I don't think the peer pressure is as strong as the constant asking from adults! I know not all of them have a good understanding of what deficits he deals with as he comes across as a charming kid most of the time with great social skills. 

Any advice or stories of how you handled it are most welcome!

Thanks!

[Tiramisu]

Well, I can't really help you, but I can sympathize. She doesn't have ADHD but processing issues. My oldest still does not have her license, and everyone asks her all the time. I get defensive when they comment about it and my driving her around, especially when they were around and knew all she was going through. The delay was a conscious decision in a sense, because she had a lot going on in her life at the age when most people were getting their licenses and her priorities were just different. She does have a learner's permit, but it took her several tries to pass the written test. I could not understand how someone with such good SAT scores would have such a problem, but she did. The test center was very loud, so that didn't help.

[Ottakee]

I have 2 that will likely never drive and then one that is still asking.  I had always said we will talk when you are 18.........and she is 17 1/2 now.......ugg.  She is NOT ready to be driving.

[Erin]

I tend to think experience is experience whether the kid has ADD or not.  

Buck has ADD, but I trust him to drive by himself.  He's super-vigilant about it...

[Pen]

A friend of mine went ahead and had her son do what was needed for Driver's Ed to get a learning permit at around 16, but then worked with him extensively for the next two + years instead of letting him get a full DL before 18. She felt that the ongoing practice was important compared to what would happen at 18 when he would have more control over applying on his own, but would not have had the long period of practice.

 

ETA: the son had deficits such that living on his own was not feasible, but having worked with him extensively on driving safely seems to have been a very good choice for their family, since my friend has an apparently wireless phone related brain tumor and other problems such that now she cannot drive, so the son does a lot of the family's driving when the dad cannot.

[Finnella]

My son recently finished driver's ed. and is studying for the written test to get his learner's permit. He has ADHD, Aspergers, and various LDs. When he changed his mind and said he wanted to take the class, I signed him up right away. Much of the city we live in is not accessible by public transportation, and I'm chronically ill. I don't know if he'll be ready to get a license after a year of practice; I'll have to decide about it when the time comes. Being able to drive will give him more socialization opportunities. Because he took driver's ed. late, he won't be eligible for a license until he's around 16 1/2.

 

Even if we do have to wait, I'm hopeful the supervised practice will be valuable. 

[City Mouse]

Some states let parents teach Drivers Ed at home using an approved purchased curriculum. That might be an option for you. He could start taking drivers Ed, but take as much time as needed.

[OneStepAtATime]

Some states let parents teach Drivers Ed at home using an approved purchased curriculum. That might be an option for you. He could start taking drivers Ed, but take as much time as needed.

DD is asking so I was going to start researching this over the summer.  She is only 13 so no rush but she has difficulty with sequencing and lots of verbal instruction overloads her.  I was thinking if we could get an approved curriculum and she and I did it ourselves at her pace and with a big picture to details approach she might do better.

 

And I agree with Erin, LOTS of experience no matter who you are, seems key to me.  I did not have nearly enough the first time I took my test.  Thankfully I have never been the driver in a major accident but I have come close.  My parents should have been practicing with me far more and for far longer than they did.  I did not believe that at the time, of course.  :)

 

OP, do you know what the laws are in your state?  

[SandyKC]

A friend of mine went ahead and had her son do what was needed for Driver's Ed to get a learning permit at around 16, but then worked with him extensively for the next two + years instead of letting him get a full DL before 18. She felt that the ongoing practice was important compared to what would happen at 18 when he would have more control over applying on his own, but would not have had the long period of practice.

This was our approach with both of our sons.  We had to renew their permits after the first year, but it was well worth the time to get the extra driving practice in.  Even at age 18 it can be scary when you know your child's processing speed is not as fast as will be beneficial for emergency maneuvers but it's good enough for ordinary situations. 

 

It helped us a LOT that our guys did not have the peer pressure to drive.  With the adult relatives, most of the time I think people just ask because it is a societal thing to drive at 16 and they just don't think it through! You can put a bug in their ears and tell them outright you are waiting until your child is cognitively ready to drive.  Ask them not to ask your child about it again and most of them will understand. 

[Atilla the Mom]

Is this really a hill you are prepared to die on?  More to the point, is this a hill you are prepared to have your kid die on?   What is your kid prepared to do to make you let him drive?

 

My sister and I are twins. Our brother is a year older. Big bro got taught to drive when he was 16, and immediately started running around, coming home at 2 AM and generally acting like someone on a movie set. My parents did the Asian thing. They said, "Well! We are NOT going through that with the girls!" No sanctions were taken agains my bro, and he drove one of the family cars off to college, but WE weren't allowed to learn how to drive!  Sis and I learned from friends when we were 21 and no longer needed parental permission for the driving test, but the rents still wouldn't put us on the insurance. I didn't drive on a regular basis until third year med school, when I deliberately messed up all my rotations in med school so that there was NO WAY I could get to them without a car. At that point they gave in, bought me a car and put me on the insurance. A month later after less than two weeks real practice since getting a license at age 21 three years previously, I was driving a car in NEW YORK CITY traffic!!!  I learned quickly, had no accidents until that winter when I first encountered snow and ice: nobody died. I was fortunate. So were the good citizens of Gotham City.  Sis was/is a better kid than me and so she didn't get a car until she graduated from med school and bought one herself. The salesman had to teach her how to drive it off the lot.

 

I too wanted to wait for my eldest DD who had multiple hits including ADD, CAPD, visual processing issues etc to show some responsibility before handing her the car keys.  However, when she was 14 she was brought home by the cops at 1 AM because she had been picked up driving around town with MY car (which was left parked 20 miles away by the cops), having been taught how by her loser 23 year old predator boyfriend.  (We pressed charges against the boyfriend and he fled the state, but we also figured that she needed to get legal as soon as possible.)  So while she got disciplined for taking the car out without leave and without a license, we also taught her how to drive.  It took her 5 tries to pass the written test but only one to pass the driving test.  The testing center's record was 23 tries to pass the written test, so while she got on a first name basis with the local center folks, she was not really that much of an outlier.

 

My 16 year old, bright, but very rebellious nephew has been driving without a license since he was 14.  This is partly because his father (my brother) is a wimp who spoils him rotten, but also because he simply never sat down and studied for the written test. He figures that the usual rules shouldn't apply to him. After all, as he would be the first to point out, he is a VERY good driver.  Why should the rules applying to mere mortals like you and me apply to him?  They don't at his home.

 

So again. Are you prepared to let your kid die on this hill?  Because if not, you need to at least get him a learner's permit and teach him how.  You don't need insurance for a learner's permit.