Why are all the old people in nursing homes in this country?

[mommaduck]

Most of our great grandparents and grandparents died in their own homes with single, adult children looking after them. A couple eventually had to live in an assisted living apt complex (a place where they are checked on every morning, but basically are independent. Only one of my greats was in a nursing home for years and it was in one of the best I have ever seen in this country (most, in my experience, are nightmares). The reason she was in one was due to my parents being military and moving...and if they took her out of state she would lose many of her benefits. Given the type of place we found for her, she was better off in that facility than with us and her life long friends came to visit her regularly as well (she was blind, deaf, and hallucinating by my teens).

[JenneinCA]

The biggest reason I think is that younger people are moving away from where they grew up and the lack of multigenerational homes.

 

I think it is much easier for the older generation to *continue* to live with their children than it is for them to *move* into the child's house. We, as a society, are less likely to live in the same location as our parent's and even less likely to have children, parents and grandparents all living in the same house.

 

I don't have any solutions to this because I honestly don't see it as a problem. I don't think my parents would want to live with us. We are too noisy, too messy and and too everything for them. In short, we have children and they don't want to deal with the kids every day. And so they would rather live in an adult community, even a *home* than deal with the issues of kids. And I respect that. But with that decision comes the reality that if they can't live alone, then the alternative is to live someplace else.

[Rosie_0801]

So I think that's part of it. The age thing. And the fact that some older people are stubborn and won't move in with children when they still could. Then there is a crisis, and they need more constant care.

 

 

Not that I have a whole lot of experience, but it seemed to me that there comes a time with some seniors where they require help with showering and toileting, and would much rather a stranger help than a family member. I remember my grandmother having a toileting accident in the middle of the night at our place. My mother had worked in a nursing home (as had my grandmother, by the way) and she was absolutely mortified to have to be rescued and showered by my mum. Having a relative help was making a personal issue WAY more personal.

Rosie

[Laura Corin]

Purely out of curiosity, and not snark, I wonder what the life expectancy typically is in countries where this is common?

 

When I lived in China, I usually heard about people dying in their sixties. My housekeeper's parents, farmers all their lives, are old (and becoming infirm but struggling on with the farm) in their late fifties. The official life expectancy is 71 years.

 

Laura

[melissel]

LMAO. That's younger than my husband and my children's father.

 

Heh! I know, they were so young when they had me--high school sweethearts and all. My mom, who takes horrible care of herself (:glare:), looks every one of her 53 days and more. My dad is a healthy-eating jogger who drives a sporty, shiny, red motorcycle and wears a goatee :lol: We often joke that when my parents and I are out together with the kids, it looks like he's my husband :D It's a blessing for my kids to have such young grandparents, that's for sure. Though it does also mean that they'll probably be supporting me when the time comes to deal with their aging issues *sigh*

 

He didn't need it. I'm happy he went with nature, after only 12 hours in a hospice, with my sister at his side, only 18 days after he announced he had but 2 weeks to live, at age 97. My heart pumps at the thought of what he asked of me, but one of the greatest things about my father was his ability to push me, wordlessly, via my own drive, to make him proud. I was not going to chicken out when my Whistler-of-Polkas needed me most.

 

From one daddy's girl to another, :crying: :crying: :crying:

 

When I lived in China, I usually heard about people dying in their sixties. My housekeeper's parents, farmers all their lives, are old (and becoming infirm but struggling on with the farm) in their late fifties. The official life expectancy is 71 years.

 

Laura

 

Oh my, that IS a big difference. It seems like that would be a huge factor.

[Renee in NC]

Just something I'm pondering lately. I used to think it was all about cost and time... that grown adult children couldn't afford to hire someone to help them with their parent in the home and couldn't spend the time caring for them themselves (due to jobs, etc).

 

But I've come to find out that nursing homes and the like are SUPER expensive. So, it can't be about cost, right? I'm thinking it's probably cheaper to have someone come to your home and help with certain things (bathing/dressing). And if someone could come to the home, it wouldn't be an issue of time involved.

 

So, if this is true (and maybe I have it all wrong), why don't more people do this?? I suspect the parent would rather be with loved ones than with a group of strangers their own age (eerily similar to daycare). Maybe this is opening up a can of worms, but I'd really like to hear this discussed. Have we just pushed the older generation aside in this country? If you don't think that's the case, what am I not seeing that I should be? :bigear:

 

My grandmother paid $5000+ per month for several years for my grandfather. The problem with hiring someone to come to your house is the lack of stability. Eldercare is not a high paying position and if someone were out sick or what not, my grandmother could not care for him herself.

 

To hire 3 people a day, everyday, would have cost $8500 a month. The nursing home provided his food. His doctors came to him there for any needs. My grandmother could not care for him, even at night, because he would not stay in bed. He fell several times necessitating visits from EMS that cost $700 each time.

 

My grandfather was not being kept alive by extraordinary means - he just had severe vascular dementia and Parkinson's disease.

[Renee in NC]

I don't think so.

 

When my mom was dying, you could only get help (Medicare or insurance) if you had a life expectancy of less than 6 months.

 

Medicare would not take care of any of the nursing home expenses for my grandfather after the first 30 days.