Is it boredom or behavioural problem?

[maikon]

My 4 year old son attends a Montessori kindergarten. He is a very quick learner and he can read at 3rd or 4th grade level and do maths at 3rd grade level. He gets concepts very quickly; be it in violin, piano, maths or any subject for that matter. But he is not willing to practice it to master it.

 

Lately, I have been receiving lots of complaints from his teacher in the Montessori kindergarten that he doesn't do what he's been told to do or that he is not independent. For eg., if asked to go and paint he goes to his desk; just scribbles and goofs around. When asked to solve a puzzle he seeks assistance or support from adults always; though he is capable of solving the puzzle himself. But when given a new task he is all into it enjoying doing that activity. Otherwise he needs a constant push.

 

I don't know if I should address this problem as a boredom/lack of challenge or as a behavioural issue. Can someone help me to think through this?

[kiwik]

I think it is normal for a 4 year old to want to do a jigsaw puzzle with someone rather than alone. I also think it is normal to not want to go and paint on command.

[Laura Corin]

I think it is normal for a 4 year old to want to do a jigsaw puzzle with someone rather than alone. I also think it is normal to not want to go and paint on command.

 

I agree.  Montessori often encourages children working together.  Would it help if the teacher encouraged him to work with another child?

 

L

[SKL]

Sounds like me when I was in KG.  ;)  I remember the teacher telling me to do another wooden puzzle and I said I had already done them all.  Who wants to do a puzzle you've already done?  (Funny that I remember this 32 years later.)

 

Why are they asking him to keep doing things he has already done before?  If there is another way to look at the same old thing, are they telling him this, or challenging him in some way?  Or are they just sending him to his desk to keep him quiet/busy while they help the other children?  If they're just trying to keep him busy so they can help slower kids, maybe he could bring his own storybook or puzzle book so he has something new to do while he waits until it is his turn to be stimulated by the teachers?

 

Then again, does he possibly have a listening problem?  How does he do at home when you give him a multi-part instruction?

[wapiti]

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Edited January 12, 2016 by wapiti

[bakpak]

Sounds to me like he's probably not being challenged and/or his socializing needs are not being met. Some kids take longer to start socializing with other kids compared to adults, but it's possible that there aren't other kids who work/think at his level so he's left feeling like his peer group is the teacher. My child has been the same way in Montessori preschool when she wasn't being challenged enough. She wanted more and more lessons from the teacher because that's the only time she was feeling challenged. That has not been a problem when she's been in a classroom where her needs are being met. My DD has been in 4 different Montessori schools in the past 2.5 years, and there's a HUGE difference in how my daughter has responded depending on the materials available and the teacher. Outsiders (& the teachers who weren't challenging her) would have said my DD was happy enough, but being her mother I know when she's happy and when she's just dealing with the situation as best she can.

 

I'd keep after the teacher to see if his needs are being met. We've helped this a bit by having DD bring in books/materials from home that are at the appropriate level - I think it's helped them realize what she's capable of and she feels like she has more say and she gets to share her interests with the class. Ideally the teacher should be trying to find topics that interest your child, so if you know he has a certain passion (dinosaurs, astronomy, etc.), they can bring those items into the classroom to help him stay engaged in activities. If it's only a preschool, they may not have 3rd grade level resources available. That was the case in the prior preschool for my DD. They didn't even HAVE any math material available past counting to 10. DUH! There's a reason my math-loving child was never doing math (this drove me crazy). Her current school goes to 6th grade and they're better at thinking ahead. I have very high hopes for DD's new teacher next year, who has already talked about her philosophy of teaching, which seems to mesh much more with mine in terms of keeping learning exciting, fun and moving ahead).

 

What does your son say about school - does he like it? What would he like to do differently or more of? I'm assuming when you say the teacher told him to go paint that really she asked him if he would like to and he agreed (possibly reluctantly). Trying to find topics/works that excite him and at an appropriate level is probably going to help. Giving the teacher examples of what he likes to do at home will also help guide him/her. This has been an ongoing effort on my part with DD's teachers.... Some listen and nod and don't do anything differently, some listen and nod and after a few repetitions (meaning months later) they start acting on my advice, some listen and nod and are delighted in my DD's eagerness to learn. My best advice is to keep advocating for your child. At some point you may have to reevaluate whether you think it will slowly get better or if you'll have to consider other options.

 

 

[maikon]

Thanks for asking me lots of questions regarding the kindergarten for which I don't know the answer myself. We have a parent-teacher meeting next week and a parent observation period in the coming weeks. I will get to know more then about my son's behaviour in the class. The teacher has said that overall he is doing good except that he needs constant push in choosing the montessori materials otherwise he chooses some easy tasks and does those repeatedly.

 

I also must mention that the kindergarten doesn't focus in academics this year for 4 year olds and their main focus is on practical and sensorial activities. They don't even read books to 4 year olds and when my son chooses a book they kindly redirect him to other activities. My son feels left out when 5 year olds or higher go to gym or reading classes or some advanced topics which are not available for 4 year olds. All this I heard from my son. Yeah, I think the kindergarten is using the Montessori keyword but not practising the philosophy.

 

Regarding 4 year olds being independent, the teacher's point is that other kids his age are performing much better when told to do so but not my son. So, since my son is an only child I didn't know what is normal and what is not. Thanks for letting me know that it is absolutely normal.

 

At home, since he is an only one of us (parents) sit with him for play. He loves to do things that are new and will not do things that are already done. Like SKL mentioned he would rather solve new puzzles with an adult's help than solve a simple puzzle by himself.

 

 

[maikon]

He is a very social kid and has several friends in the kindergarten and he loves to go there.

[bakpak]

Sounds highly restrictive and a terrible fit for your DS. My DD was ready to move past many of the practical life and sensorial works by 2.5. Redirecting a child from reading??? Seriously?? It's one thing not to push academics on young children; it's another thing to restrict those who are ready to move ahead. No wonder he's bored....wouldn't you be?

[kiwik]

They don't read to the kids? That is crazy for a preschool.

[wapiti]

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Edited January 12, 2016 by wapiti

[maikon]

I'm not sure I understand - is he in the pre-K "4" group or is he actually in the kindergarten grade level?  (For example, at our school, the primary classrooms contain three grade levels, pre-3, pre-4 and K.  I have a dd in pre-4 and a ds in K.  Preschool kids leave after half a day; Kers get specials like gym and get field trips and such).  I originally thought you meant that he was actually in the kindergarten grade level, though here it sounds like his official grade level is at the preschool level in line with his age.

 

The choosing easy tasks and avoiding challenging ones sounds like a problem of underachieving/perfectionism.  This is the reason for having daily academic "requirements" for kindergarteners.  I might ask about whether your teacher would be willing to apply a similar system to your ds - this happened with a couple of my kids who needed the requirements to choose more than just the easy stuff, even at the preschool level.

 

In this light, wanting help with solving puzzles, not being as independent as the school expects, and wanting that "hand-holding," could also come from an underachieving/perfectionism/lacking-self-confidence angle.  If that is the case, this is a tough nut to crack, one that's good to discover early.  (I am speaking from experience, unfortunately.  Once upon a time, a very perceptive teacher called me up to say that my four year old was underachieving.  Long story....)

 

 

We live in Europe and it is just called kindergarten for 3-7 years group. So, there is no segregation like preschool, grades etc. 

 

wapiti, I have a strong intuition that you might be correct when you mentioned underachieving/perfectionism/lacking self-confidence as the underlying problem. If you don't mind, can you please share your story and how you solved that 'underachieving' problem.

 

I am wondering if my son has the capability to learn things quickly and to perform things that are meant for 2nd or 3rd graders, then why does he not want to do challenging things (like solving simple known puzzles independently).

[wapiti]

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Edited January 12, 2016 by wapiti

[boscopup]

I am wondering if my son has the capability to learn things quickly and to perform things that are meant for 2nd or 3rd graders, then why does he not want to do challenging things (like solving simple known puzzles independently).

 

All 3 of my boys have preferred doing "easy" things at age 4. I haven't had a single one *want* to work at something hard at that age. One is still 4, but the other two have gradually learned to work at hard things. It took maturity, and gradually increasing the difficulty of their work, BUT... I did not try to challenge them until about age 6 or so. I found that pushing my oldest at age 4 caused big time resistance, and he learned much more if I let him go and do it himself. He wasn't ready to work hard at that age, but later he was. Now he's 9 and happily working through AoPS Prealgebra independently, not melting down when he hits a hard problem. ;) My 7 year old is still learning to do this, but Beast Academy is helping a lot. Just today, he was starting to cry because he didn't want to work at a problem. I told him to put it away and we'd try again the next time. He didn't like that, so he finally tried again and got it right. :D

 

But at 4? I wouldn't worry about it. Let him be 4.

 

I *would* have a huge problem with a school that doesn't read to 4 year olds. That's the biggest thing they SHOULD be doing at that age! Do you have any other schooling options?
 

[Black-eyed Suzan]

My 4 year old son attends a Montessori kindergarten. He is a very quick learner and he can read at 3rd or 4th grade level and do maths at 3rd grade level. He gets concepts very quickly; be it in violin, piano, maths or any subject for that matter. But he is not willing to practice it to master it.

 

Lately, I have been receiving lots of complaints from his teacher in the Montessori kindergarten that he doesn't do what he's been told to do or that he is not independent. For eg., if asked to go and paint he goes to his desk; just scribbles and goofs around. When asked to solve a puzzle he seeks assistance or support from adults always; though he is capable of solving the puzzle himself. But when given a new task he is all into it enjoying doing that activity. Otherwise he needs a constant push.

 

I don't know if I should address this problem as a boredom/lack of challenge or as a behavioural issue. Can someone help me to think through this?

 

I agree with PPs who said that 4 year olds are not diligent. My oldest started to enjoy challenges around 6 or 6 1/2. Even now he doesn't see the value in practicing something uninteresting to improve a skill. We are working on this...

 

It sounds like boredom to me. When my oldest was 4 he started complaining in January or February that he didn't like his (2 or 3 mornings/week non-Montessori) preschool class. I talked with the teacher, and she told me that the classroom activities weren't interesting to him any more and he was bored.

 

My guess is that by this point in the school year activities like painting and a puzzle that he's already solved are no longer engaging. Since you mentioned that he is very social, interacting with a teacher would be. And he may have figured out that the best way to get a teacher to interact with him is to ask for assistance.

 

Do you know what learning style(s) your son prefers? Could he be choosing easy tasks instead of Montessori materials because he is not a kinesthetic learner? My son does not learn by working with materials. 

 

I also agree with those who said that it is strange that the teachers discourage reading. Is that a cultural difference?