s/o Is there a less expensive way to adopt?

[Slache]

My husband and I plan to apply for adoption in the next year or so, but the financial responsibility of the adoption itself is rather frightening to us. We can afford to take care of another child on a day to day basis, we just can't come up with a large sum of money for the adoption process. I'd be interested to hear any ideas or experiences you all have.

 

For the record this is what we want:

An infant (for the sake of not bringing a potentially dangerous child into our home with 2 children)

Any nationality

Any location

Any gender

Not very special needs. I don't know exactly what I mean by very, but I don't want a child that will inhibit my ability to be a good mother to all of my children.

 

Thanks for your thoughts.

[Chris in VA]

You can go through the foster system. Friends of mine are trying that--they will even take a family group or older kids, or even mild special needs.

 

It's tough, though--in ours, there are a lot of older kiddos and not as many infants. And you can be shortlisted but still have to wait.  But...

 

Some special needs don't show up in infants right away, and some moms are not forthcoming about their actions during pregnancy--

 

So being an infant is no "guarantee" of there being nothing going on that may show later.

 

Good luck. Maybe someone else will have an idea for you. 

[Murmer]

Option #1 Foster care Pro basically free Con you may have to give the baby back to the birth family because the goal is always reunification.

 

Option #2 100% private adoption Pro usually just legal fees and a lawyer depends on state allowances Con if it fails, minds are changed, you lose all the money you have put into it...also there may not be as much support of the birth family and you are the one doing all the work

 

Option #3 "advertising" agency Pro someone else find the expectant families Con you are paying someone else to arrange the adoption but there is no guarantee of a baby and you still have to do a lot of the work and the all the legal fees

 

Option #4 full agency Pro a good agency will have a money back option so you don't lose what you have already paid, they do 90% of the work Con they are expensive, you need to shop around for ethical agency that supports the birth family and has a valid plan for expectant mother's that choose to parent

 

Basically you can spend less if you are willing to take more risk of losing money and losing a potential child and willing to do a lot of work.  

[Murmer]

 

 

Some special needs don't show up in infants right away, and some moms are not forthcoming about their actions during pregnancy--

 

So being an infant is no "guarantee" of there being nothing going on that may show later.

 

Good luck. Maybe someone else will have an idea for you. 

 

Yes!  My amazing dd is special needs (ASD, ADHD, food allergies, epilepsy) even though her birthmother was the "perfect" expectant mother and took care of herself and her baby.  My ds is neurotypical even though there were a few concerns before he was born...just as birthing a child is not guarantee of a "perfect" child adoption is not either.

[Slache]

But...

 

Some special needs don't show up in infants right away, and some moms are not forthcoming about their actions during pregnancy--

 

So being an infant is no "guarantee" of there being nothing going on that may show later.

 

I know that but I think my fear is a child that needs 24 hour surveillance, is dangerous, or needs everything done for him/her such as a paraplegic. Those are the type of situations that would limit my ability to take care of our other kids.

 

I know that autism doesn't show up until later and if we have another ourselves there's obviously no guarantee, I just don't want to intentionally put undue strain on our family. :)

[Slache]

Yes!  My amazing dd is special needs (ASD, ADHD, food allergies, epilepsy) even though her birthmother was the "perfect" expectant mother and took care of herself and her baby.  My ds is neurotypical even though there were a few concerns before he was born...just as birthing a child is not guarantee of a "perfect" child adoption is not either.

 

What's ASD? Nothing else you listed would even lead me to considering not adopting a child.

[NoseInABook]

ASD is autism spectrum disorder. 

 

The only cheaper option is through foster care and there are no guarantees in foster care. It's an emotional rollercoaster and I wouldn't get into it simply because it's cheaper. You have to be willing to do the hard work and stick it out for the kids or else it'll steam roll you early.

 

ETA: I'm a foster mom and I love it but you have to be realistic about what you're going into. I just reread what I wrote and realized it sounded very negative. Fostering is a beautiful thing but there are so many factors that come into play and you will likely have to send several children back to their bio families before there is one available to adopt. But if you think you can handle the ups and downs, by all means, foster to adopt!

[Jennifer132]

You can try fostering. We fostered a 10 day old little girl who was drug exposed and was biracial (we are white). She wasn't "very special needs". We ended up adopting her at 21 months. She is 2.5 now. She does have some special needs after all (no one can predict the future, and she was fine when she was born), but her needs don't impede me taking care of our other children. She is a delight to all who know her and a blessing beyond words.

 

We have since fostered several other babies in the same scenario, and a few have gone on to adoption in other families (none of these were long term placements in our home). I would definitely adopt through foster care again.

 

Fostering and foster to adopt is free. In fact, after you adopt you still receive a monthly stipend plus medical insurance for your adopted child. There is also an adoption tax benefit. We didn't have a single cost associated without adoption.

 

Eta: I will say this--if you go the fostering route, you are more likely to adopt if you are a straight foster parent, not a foster-to-adopt parent. Many children who start out with the goal of going home to the birth family (and thus are placed in regular foster homes, not foster/adopt homes), end up with new goals of adoption mid way through the process, and the foster parents have top priority in being chosen as an adoptive family since they already have the child living with them. Yes, regular foster parents see a number of kids go home, but they also have a greater chance of adopting because they aren't waiting for the rare child who doesn't have the goal of reunification. in the process you are helping some children who really need a loving home, so it's definitely a win-win, IMO.

[KrissiK]

We adopted through the foster care system. It's free, and they pay you while the kid is in foster care. There are risks, and you'd have a better chance of being placed if y are willing to take an older child and/ or a sibling group, but we went through 3 adoptions in the past 10 years.

#1 - two boys, ages 13 months and 4 months

# 2 - 2 day old baby girl

#3 - 10 month old and 2 1/2 year old sisters

 

Yes, we did have to wait, especially in the last adoption, but it can be done. Lot of it depends on your particular county and the attitude toward adoption amongst the Department of Social services. Some are very pro-adoption and some want re-unification with birth parents at almost all costs, so kids languish in foster care.

[LMV]

My husband and I plan to apply for adoption in the next year or so, but the financial responsibility of the adoption itself is rather frightening to us. We can afford to take care of another child on a day to day basis, we just can't come up with a large sum of money for the adoption process. I'd be interested to hear any ideas or experiences you all have.

 

For the record this is what we want:

An infant (for the sake of not bringing a potentially dangerous child into our home with 2 children)

Any nationality

Any location

Any gender

Not very special needs. I don't know exactly what I mean by very, but I don't want a child that will inhibit my ability to be a good mother to all of my children.

 

Thanks for your thoughts.

 

I think you need to consider that some seemingly perfect infants (whether adopted or brought into the family via birth) can grow up to have problems or grow up to cause problems and heartache.  There are also many children in foster care who are wonderful, and deserve a second chance at a family, so I wouldn't automatically discount based on age.  We met our DD14 when she had just turned 10.  She's wonderful and we're grateful that we've been able to become her parents.  I won't say it was all easy, because it wasn't, but raising our biological children hasn't been all easy all the time either.

 

I was recently talking to a friend who is also a female physician but, unlike me, she is also married to another physician.  They have two adorable little biological daughters but are considering fostering/adopting a medically fragile child because they feel this is something they could do and there is a need.  She knows about our family because she is my friend although now we live quite a distance apart and neither of us have actually met in person the other's youngest daughter.  In the course of our conversation, she mentioned that she and her husband were particularly not looking for infants as she felt that the healthy unlikely to have problem infants were sadly a bit of a commodity and she didn't really see that as meeting a need.  She also felt that infants who were likely high risk were a bit too prognostically unpredictable for them to realistically know if they could commit and be the kind of parents needed.  She feels that they will be looking at kids in the three and up range where at least the worst case scenario is a bit more clear so if they can plan and prepare for that and then strive for so much better then they can meet all their kids' needs.  It is an interesting perspective and I'm not completely sure I fully share it (although my friend did point out that every kid we've adopted has come into our family at age three or beyond) but I'm just putting it out there.  My friend and I did discuss RAD in our conversation and she is aware that there is probably a greater risk of RAD with older kids but at the same time there are children raised in the homes of their biological parents since birth who develop RAD and many older RAD free kids in foster care.

[RebeccaS]

My husband and I plan to apply for adoption in the next year or so,

Just a thought on this-I realize that not everyone would agree, but we preferred to keep birth order, taking only children younger than our youngest.  At the time of our foster license, our youngest was almost 3.  However, there are a lot of people who would recommend the youngest child being much older than that.  

but the financial responsibility of the adoption itself is rather frightening to us. We can afford to take care of another child on a day to day basis, we just can't come up with a large sum of money for the adoption process. I'd be interested to hear any ideas or experiences you all have.  We are foster to adopt parents, currently in the process of adopting our second child (ds3).  Foster to adopt is very inexpensive-it has cost us nothing in terms of dollars, but a lot in terms of emotional toll.  It's very difficult to take in a child knowing the plan is to send them back to their bio family.  You just get attached and it can't be helped.  And it's hard.  But, if I had to do it over again, I would.

 

For the record this is what we want:

An infant (for the sake of not bringing a potentially dangerous child into our home with 2 children) As mentioned by other posters, getting infants is no guarantee of health or even of them not being potentially dangerous (though obviously not as infants, lol).  Even infants can suffer attachment disorders and other emotional problems due to neglect or abuse.  If you haven't already, I'd suggest reading up on that.

Any nationality We are white and have two black sons.  Definitely look into caring for children of another race (as in skin and hair) if that's applicable for you.  Having grown up in a very homogeneous area, this was a huge thing for me, lol.  I was totally lost.  So lost, that I stopped a woman in AA haircare aisle in Walmart and asked if she had time to help me out.  I was so relieved that she not only took the time to help me out, but gave me the name of a barber, lol!  That woman was such a blessing to me.  :)

Any location

Any gender

Not very special needs. I don't know exactly what I mean by very, but I don't want a child that will inhibit my ability to be a good mother to all of my children. I can appreciate this.  Really, I can.  My first ds (biological) had some pretty serious health issues as a newborn and for the first few years of his life.  It was very stressful and I don't remember a lot of those years except for his issues.  Despite that, we took in a foster dd with a TBI and spent M-Th at our children's hospital, doing school while she had day-long therapy and it was crazy and my family thought we were nuts, but she thrived here and recovered almost to her full self by the time she went back home to her mom.  So, don't underestimate yourself either.  :)

 

Thanks for your thoughts.