myfunnybunch Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 So anyway, the thing that started things in a better direction was to speak up. I said I throw hints, just listen. He caught a few of the hints. I also said I don't like last minute. I also say if I change what my favorite candy/restaurant/etc. is. More than once. And I say that I love surprises, and since I try to get at least one surprise for everyone (with things they know they are getting), it would be nice to have a surprise too. Dd went out in under an hour, got me 2 necklaces, and my favorite cookie at Panera, and a gift card to my favorite restaurant to be from her and ds (see, the guys get the gals to help out...). I liked it all. I didn't have to do anything to make it happen. Win. So speak up, throw hints, don't mind having to "train" your family in gift giving. I love this, and am glad you chimed in. This is very similar to what I finally realized with my dh. He really wanted to please me. He wasn't where I thought he should be, and I was expecting him to make the leap all on his own. I had the big AHA! when I was explaining to him that when we want one of the kids to learn to be thoughtful, we need to help them learn the steps that go along with it. Doh. I got stuck in "He's an adult, so he should just 'get it' by now." Except he didn't, and my expectations were leading to frustration on both our parts. So I was direct, threw broad hints, held his hand, taught him what I wanted. Now he's reasonably good at gift-giving all on his own. He still throws a dud in there once in a while, but so do I. We both understand that the gift is a way to show love and appreciation for one another even if it is taking ten minutes to run to the grocery to grab some tulips at the last minute because we don't want to be empty-handed on a special day. :) Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 OP said she would rather get nothing than get a generic thoughtless gift picked up on the way home from work. My point was that for me. If I felt rejected by the thought I put into a previous gift I would end up waiting last minute to get a gift out of anxiety and fear of messing up again. That gift would by default either be the generic CVS gift or nothing. But for me getting nothing would not be an option as I know my dh would be just as upset over nothing than some generic gift (if he were the type to get upset over something like that.) Misunderstood...sorry! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 :lol: In our family, it's the singing fish. As in, "Give me some ideas. Do not say 'Oh, I'll be happy with anything!' If you say that I will buy you the singing fish. I want to see it on the wall when I visit so my kids can play with it over and over and over again." So far, my family has come up with lovely ideas, gifts we've enjoyed shopping for and giving. One of these days, I will buy my sister the singing fish anyway, just because it would make her laugh. Except maybe if I do that, I will end up with a singing fish myself....hmmm....I might want to rethink that one. Another (serious) tactic that has worked has been when someone does choose a successful gift, we say something along the lines of, "I really enjoyed xyz. I'd love to receive more gifts like that." Cat I love our singing fish! He can no longer move his head and that makes me sad. ): Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted February 12, 2014 Author Share Posted February 12, 2014 :iagree: Realistically, although she said that she would rather receive nothing than to receive a gift that hadn't required any thought, that made no sense whatsoever, because no gift at all would be the ultimate demonstration of no thought and no effort, while any gift would require more thought and effort from her dh than not buying anything for her. I thought the "I'd rather get nothing at all" statements sounded more like pouting than like a real preference, given the fact that she is upset about not getting the "right" gifts. I mean, seriously, she's all upset because her dh isn't a mind reader who is able to figure out the perfect gifts for her, so clearly gifts do matter to her. If he didn't buy her anything, I can't imagine that she wouldn't be angry about it. It simply doesn't make sense, given her posts to this thread. I think everyone here is all in favor of Moxie getting great gifts from her dh. We only differ from her in that we think she shouldn't expect him to choose the right things without some guidance from her, while she thinks he should somehow just magically know what to buy. I should absolutely let this die and walk away like I said I was going to but I feel like I need to clarify some stuff. You and I clearly have something getting lost in translation. I NEVER pout. If I have an issue, I say it out loud. Game playing and drama annoy me to no end. No one in this house is "all upset" and if I've given that impression, I apologize. I was not "upset" over the wallet; it was just an example of a gift with no thought put into it. I kissed him, said thanks and he probably got lucky that night. You keep getting hung up on the "right" gift or a "great" gift and that is not what I'm saying AT ALL!! I just want something with some thought in it. A box of Junior Mints (my favorite candy) from CVS would make me much happier than a heart shaped box of chocolate because I shows some effort, however slight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 I should absolutely let this die and walk away like I said I was going to but I feel like I need to clarify some stuff. You and I clearly have something getting lost in translation. I NEVER pout. If I have an issue, I say it out loud. Game playing and drama annoy me to no end. No one in this house is "all upset" and if I've given that impression, I apologize. I was not "upset" over the wallet; it was just an example of a gift with no thought put into it. I kissed him, said thanks and he probably got lucky that night. You keep getting hung up on the "right" gift or a "great" gift and that is not what I'm saying AT ALL!! I just want something with some thought in it. A box of Junior Mints (my favorite candy) from CVS would make me much happier than a heart shaped box of chocolate because I shows some effort, however slight. Well if you didn't let your dh know you were disappointed by the thoughtless gift then why would you expect him to do things differently. You saying thank you, kissing him, and having tEa would indicate to him that you were pleased with your gift. How is he supposed to know you are not pleased and try to be more thoughtful next time. Faking happiness for a gift and then being resentful that it was thoughtless (even if done quietly so dh doesn't know you are resentful) is game playing and causing drama because it is setting your dh up to fail before he even purchases the next gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Poor OP. This is making me giggle. This thread is going in circles and we're totally not getting you, are we? Sounds like this isn't a big deal in your house, really, and we thought it was. Sounds like this is a minor irritation and you aren't really all that upset. It's just something you noticed about dh, but you don't get upset, you just take notice and think about it, "Huh. Wish he'd put thought into the gift. Oh well," and then you thank him. I hope this thread dies because I don't think we understand the issue at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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