How do you keep your attitude positive?

[anabelneri]

Hey y'all.  

 

How do you keep your attitude positive when your kids are really negative?  I find myself dragged down by their complaining almost every day, and it's so disheartening.  I really really want to be a happy person, but when one of them starts whining or grumping (and doing work is the single fastest way to start a whinefest around here) I find myself angry and grump back at them.  It's so hard to recover!

 

Any tips would be welcome!

Thanks,

Anabel

[Caribbean Queen]

I don't allow too much whining and complaining about school work. 

[anabelneri]

How do you prevent it?  I've been fighting it for years, and she doesn't get out of doing the work, but boy! can she complain.  Actually at this point it's more of melting-huffing action, with only a change in tone, while the words stay appropriate.  That's an improvement.

 

Arg!  And thank you,

:)

[MerryAtHope]

I don't take it personal. I set timers. If they complain, I add on another chore (like clean the floor, dishes etc) for them to do during their free time.

 

I tell them if they want to waste my time talking about what they don't want to do, I'll waste theirs making them do something to 'save' me time.

 

It took about 2 months of consistency on this for the kids to stop.

 

Also, you can create a 'Positivity List' - find 5 ways to stay positive. Create a list specific to their activity/problem/whining  - and make them recite it every day before starting school. When they start whining, have them read the list. If they have another complaint that's not valid, then have them give up '10 min' of their free time to do something to pay you back for the time wasted.

 

I've done some of these too. If they complain, they must need more practice working with a good attitude, and I'm happy to give them more practice! 

 

I've sent a child to his or her room. "You're complaining. Come back when you are ready to apologize and work with a good attitude." I also encourage them to pray about it.

 

I've also had the heart to heart: "Would you want to live in a house where I complained about everything I didn't want to do? What if I don't feel like making you dinner, washing clothes, taking you places? Would you enjoy living in that kind of home?"

 

They wouldn't. We all have to do things we don't want to do. That's life, get over it. Learn to do things with a good attitude. I don't require them to like what they are doing, but I do require working with a good attitude. 

 

Sometimes we've also discussed. I'll listen if they have a legitimate reason to not like something. We can't drop math, but we can change how we do it. I'm more than willing to work with my kids--so they have to be willing to work with me. 

 

Sometimes I interject humor to help them get on a better track. 

[Caribbean Queen]

Get strict.  Unless you asked them if they like math, they can't tell you they don't like it.  When your 10 year old is doing written work he may speak only to ask you a legitimate, specific question, not to blabber, vent and whine. If my children can't be corrected by stink-face glares I announce that they will be getting mild punishments for every complaint.  Your ten year old could copy an annoyingly goody-goody sentence like, "I do as I am told, for that is right," for each whine.  I haven't had to do this since April.

 

Don't worry that they need to whine to vent their frustration.  That was a former concern of mine, so I mention it just in case you think of it too.  Would it be helpful to you to whine each and every day about having to brush your teeth, put on clothes, or return the milk gallon to the fridge?  Of course not.  Whining about those things would make you MORE unhappy, not less.  Likewise, what you ask of your kids is not abusive or burdensome, and they'll be happier and more productive people for learning to suck it up and do what they've got to do.

[Ripley]

I suck it up and fake it. That's pretty much the expectation I have of them, so ....

 

I won't be winning any Academy Awards but I get a gold star for effort!

 

It helps to remember that it's not personal, even when it feels like it is. It also helps to remember that as the higher rank, it's up to me to model the ideal response to the situation. I figured that out after hearing my eldest freak out on my youngest one day, sounding just like I did when I freaked out on him. That was an eye-opener, for sure.

 

 

[Alicia64]

I've had days where I've just told them to knock it off. I make a "meta" comment and talk about how they're communicating and that they're sapping my energy. I explain that we all affect each other. I tell them, "You can sap my will to live or you can create a pumped up environment." Let's make good choices.

 

One of my boys gets irate at friends and comes home and just spills. I tell him that it's okay to vent, but he can't "throw up" on me. I remind him to tell me how he's feeling and being bothered.

 

Somehow that helps him pull it together a little bit.

 

Alley

 

 

[chaya]

I have a complainer.  I limit him to five complaints per day. he can earn one extra by telling me 10 good things about his day. if he has more than five, he can write them down and tell me tomorrow (when they will count towards tomorrow's five).

thus far  he writes down at least 10 every night but hasnt ever used one the next day. he has also never tried earning an extra complaint.

 

if he continues to complain after five, I just keep saying 'sorry. complaint dept is closed' until he gets annoyed and stops. if it goes on too long I make myself a cup of tea and lock myself in my bedroom with a book for 10 minutes. he hates that.

[Critterfixer]

I find that a good, hard run at the end of the day is most helpful in keeping my attitude positive when I'm surrounded by stinkers. The boys know not to whine, but I've got the Earl of Glowering, and the Duke of Sulking to deal with sometimes. The Earl loses his enthusiasm with Math, the Duke goes off over history.  The thing is, that they both whine inside, whether they whine aloud or not, and when you are whining, you don't focus and you end up taking twice as long to do your work. They are slowly finding this out for themselves. I've taken to setting time limits on things, and what doesn't get done due to whining gets shifted into their own time, after school. I remind them that I don't allow them to waste my time by whining, whether they are growling aloud or just lifting their lips at me. They are wasting their own time.

 

For myself, it helps to know that I've got my run waiting for me. I know that school is done by 3 for me. And knowing that, knowing where my divisions of the day are, helps. It helps the boys, too. At noon we all go for a walk/bike ride after lunch, then we have a nice tea with a small treat and say our poems. This helps us to gather ourselves for the afternoon. Morning is helped by having a sit down tea with breakfast, and a snack of apples and cheese around math time. Whining about Latin drill has almost stopped entirely since I started insisting on physical activity during the drill--jumping, running etc. At least with the boys, the quickest way to hit restart on an attitude is to make it exercise. I don't know how well that would work for a girl, but it seems helpful to demonstrate what to do when you get in a mood of complaining to get out of it. Heaven knows I do plenty of self-complaining that I  have to deal with, and I'm fond of pointing out to the boys how fresh air, exercise, taking a break to do something else for fifteen minutes, concentrating on how you will be done at a certain time, thinking about what you will do after the unpleasant task is done can all help break the cycle of complaining.

[Mom0012]

Neither of mine ever complained until they each hit about 5th or 6th grade.  At that point, they were old enough that I could tell them that they needed to cut it out because it was completely dragging me down and that I would not be able to continue homeschooling if this was going to be what our daily life was like.  I did also make a few changes to their schedules.  My dd, in particular, had too heavy of a schedule.  Honestly, if the complaining (and guilting!!) had not stopped, I would have sent them to school.  Neither of them wants to go to school at all, so telling them that did improve the situation about 95%.  I'd hate to send them, but we do have decent schools in our area, and homeschooling high school is hard enough.  I can't do it if they are against me.

 

It's been too long since I've had a 5 year old to say exactly what I would do there, but I would definitely respond to the complaining and do what I had to do to nip it in the bud.  I used time out when my kids were little and I think I'd just get up and walk away if I were working with them and they were complaining and let them stew until they were ready to cooperate.

[Doodlebug]

Oh boy.

 

Complaining and whining is my kryptonite! I have found the two forms I deal with in my son require different approaches.

 

The first (and most prominent) is the routine response of whine when most anything is asked of my son. To deal with this, I had to totally divorce myself from my mama mode for a few weeks. Mama was concerned that the complaints/whining meant something about her teaching, curriculum choices, etc. I adopted a teacher persona and started school at nine every stinking day for a while, closed off the dining rooms doors, and made it clear that nonsense like whining/complaining would result in a loss of our daily piece of candy, and the various sources of media. I encouraged him to ask for help, and we practiced doing that in a clear non whine-infected tone of voice. After two or three days of this, I was amazed that he did it. Schoolwork was finished in 2 hours instead of taking him forever.

 

The second form of grumbling Popped up three months into our school year. This is the time when much of our curriculum has moved beyond the review period and we're covering new material, doing more writing, and working on assimilating new info. School has gone from being mostly done in two hours to taking 3 hours or more. In this scenario, the grumbling is usually accompanied by tears before it gets my attention. This is mental fatigue.

 

For mental fatigue, I try to do school smarter with an eye to the clock. Since writing tends to bog my son down, I write for him on select activities. Just this small change keeps him fresh, and he sticks with me to the end of school. The grumbling stops when our formal school subjects are confined to that two hour period.

 

Peace,

Stella

[Pen]

subbing :)