Shelly in VA Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 We took our oldest to college yesterday. Lots of tears, emotional day, but I think she was all right when we left. I'm hoping for a very positive experience! One big negative, though -- her roommate was a no-show. No one knows why - not her, not her suitemates, not the RA. The check-in time was from 2-5 yesterday, and the kids have packed schedules starting last night for the next few days until classes start Monday. It was REALLY HARD to leave my dd in a room that was half empty, and to watch the other kids leaving in pairs to go to their first activity. I feel badly, b/c there is so much emotional readying to meet the roommate and live with a stranger, and then for all of that to be up in the air adds stress to an already stressful thing. Kwim? I would like to think the girl will just show up, but there have been some strange things that have happened. The girl was not very forthcoming online about who would bring what to the room - vague, "maybe I'll bring x-y-z" comments. Same thing when the suitemates (2 rooms share a bathroom between them) were deciding who would bring a shower curtain, bathmat, that sort thing. It just makes it extra odd that she didn't show up yesterday. Has anyone encountered this situation? I don't know what to tell dd. She'll be home for Labor Day, so I guess if the girl hasn't shown up by then, we'll send her back with extra sheets and a blanket to make the extra bed so the room feels less lonely, along with the other things the girl was supposed to maybe sort of bring (like a floor rug). I don't like the thought of her NOT having a roommate; she struggles with anxiety and OCD already, so I think it would be helpful to have to interact with another living person, if that makes sense. Blech. I'm tired!! And so unmotivated to start school with my others this week.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candid Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 She may show up, she may have decided not to come (go to another school). If so two things will happen: your dd will get another roommate assigned or she'll have the room to herself. Personally, I don't think having the room to herself is such a horrible thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 She should ask her suitemates if she could join them for meals. I agree that it may not be such a bad thing in the long run, but I understand her disappointment. I'd wait before buying more bedding as her roommate could show or another one be assigned to her room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 She may show up, she may have decided not to come (go to another school). If so two things will happen: your dd will get another roommate assigned or she'll have the room to herself. Personally, I don't think having the room to herself is such a horrible thing. I'd be thrilled to have the room to myself! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 She may show up, she may have decided not to come (go to another school). If so two things will happen: your dd will get another roommate assigned or she'll have the room to herself. Personally, I don't think having the room to herself is such a horrible thing. Second semester, my roomate was a no show. It was actually a blessing. I had a gruelling freshman schedule while hers had been uhm...light in academic challenge, and included rigorous social pursuits, to put it delicately. I was quite pleased when she did not return, and since all of the other housing assignments had been made, I had the room to myself. With my study schedule, this was bliss. It's not necessarily a bad thing and once classes begin, she'll find like minded individuals to hang around with. My roomates were NEVER my buddies. My friends were nearly all fellow slaves of the music department, LOL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brenda in MA Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 I had this happen my freshman year of college, only I was supposed to be in a triple, and one of the three never showed up. No explanation was ever given. The school ended up moving me and the roommate who did show up into an empty double a few weeks into the semester. It ended up working out really well for us because we got a double room with a private bath, which was a choice room and not something freshman ever get. I would think there is a good chance that the school might move someone else in there soon. I hope it works out for your dd for the best. Brenda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 She will find like minded friends. Having no room mate is a good thing for a studious student. She can study in peace, no one helping themselves to her things, No one listening to music, talking on the phone, or entertaining "guests" while she is trying to sleep or study. I know many who had dorms for 1st year and made sure they rented apts either alone or with a like minded friend the rest of the years in order to have more space and less conflict from when they had a party animal room mate. She should ask her suitemates if she can join them for meals and activities until she meets like minded folks, plus having suitemates is better than room mates, close enough to hang out, far enough away for privacy and space. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelly in VA Posted August 20, 2013 Author Share Posted August 20, 2013 Thanks, everyone. I feel much better! I don't know why this feels like a crisis, b/c I, too, had a less than ideal roommate situation my first semester. A "no show" would have been much better than the constant bandana-on-the-door-keep-out signal from my roommate, who ended up leaving after one semester for both academic and personal reasons. It just feels different from this viewpoint. :001_smile: Now I'm kind of hoping dd ends up with her own space, plus extra for anyone she might want to hang out when she wants them to hang out. Thanks, seriously. This is a strange thing, sending off the first kid!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelly in VA Posted August 20, 2013 Author Share Posted August 20, 2013 Dd just texted her brother to tell him that her roommate's fb page is gone, her emails are bouncing, and her cell number is no longer connected. This is such a strange situation! I don't know what to think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancy in nj Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 Definitely have your dd make an effort to be included in her suitemate's plans. JShe'll have a built-in core group of "friends" without having to deal with the roommate drama. Also, have her be sure to sign up for one or two socially active clubs on campus. My dd is in a single for health reasons in a hall-style dorm with a small % of freshman, whereas most of the freshman live on the opposite end of campus in big, high-rise dorms, and luckily has been able to reconnect with a girl she met at camp a year ago who due to divine intervention is in a double a few doors away. Although the situation is disconcerting, it is probably better that the girl didn't show up rather than flake out in the first few days. I'm sure things will work out for the best! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peach Posted August 22, 2013 Share Posted August 22, 2013 My dorm experience right out of high school was of the suite-type as well. We were all close and stayed together all 4 years and still keep in touch. So, they may be on the other side of the bathroom but they can still be close. She may get lucky and have her side of the suite to herself, which a lot of freshmen would kill for. Best of luck to her! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted August 22, 2013 Share Posted August 22, 2013 My dorm experience went well, but I had some doozies in training barracks (2 to 4 person rooms) in the Navy. One gave me lice and morphed from a country music nice girl to a Marilyn Manson obsessed wierdo because that's what the guy she was dating was into. Another one left my homemade afghan and pillow on the balcony with a note not to come back until morning. I was so mad about her messing with my stuff that I turned her in, even though I didn't really care about the rules about having guys in the rooms. Of course, my first college roommate was stuck with me. We actually got on well, had common interests, but she was tidy and I was a slob. Because of that I was not a very good roommate. A no show is not a worst case scenario. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted August 22, 2013 Share Posted August 22, 2013 I had roommates in college, until the year when one of my roommates flipped out over her boyfriend breaking up with her, and she tried to bite my finger off (I know, it made no sense then, either). The RA did nothing, but I went to the Dean. He cleared that roommate out so fast, and I had the room to myself after that, LOL. Wow, I'd be thankful to have the room to myself at this point. So glad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted August 22, 2013 Share Posted August 22, 2013 Dd just texted her brother to tell him that her roommate's fb page is gone, her emails are bouncing, and her cell number is no longer connected. This is such a strange situation! I don't know what to think. That is weird. I hope she is ok. Google her name! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted August 22, 2013 Share Posted August 22, 2013 Dd just texted her brother to tell him that her roommate's fb page is gone, her emails are bouncing, and her cell number is no longer connected. This is such a strange situation! I don't know what to think. Makes me wonder if something happened to her or if she is escaping a stalking situation. I had a business colleague who just "disappeared." Her newsletter stopped. Her emails bounced. Phone was disconnected. Mail to her home was returned. A couple of years later, I read about her in a newspaper article about stalking. As it turns out, her preteen daughter had a perv stalker. So, they up and moved and restarted their lives elsewhere. I agree with TranquilMind to Google her and see if there were any news reports. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sebastian (a lady) Posted August 22, 2013 Share Posted August 22, 2013 I wouldn't put a lot of effort into trying to find her. What would it serve? I assume the school knows she never showed up? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ocelotmom Posted August 22, 2013 Share Posted August 22, 2013 Wow, that's bizarre. I'm inclined to think that enrolling in college was a smokescreen for something or other. In any case, I suspect your DD's life will be much saner without that particular person as a roommate! I agree that it's unlikely to hurt her socially. My roommate and I lived together well enough, but never hung out at all. We both had plenty of friends elsewhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candid Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 I wouldn't put a lot of effort into trying to find her. What would it serve? I assume the school knows she never showed up? I agree with this advice. Move on! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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