Aubrey Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Dear _____, I recently read your interview with _________ and was excited by your vision for young adult literature and some of the insights you shared in the interview. For that reason, I would like to send you the first book in a young adult trilogy I have written on a dystopian society in the vein of The Giver. At just over 65,000 words, the first book, entitled First Work,has been written and polished while the other two are very complete rough drafts so that the foreshadowing and big picture have been thoroughly worked through. “Beauty is Truth, Truth Beauty†--that is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.†Leilia has lived by these words every day of her life, and at sixteen, the time has come for her to create her own first masterpiece--to take her place among the sisters of her village of artisans. But she has yet to discover the art form for which she was born, and the Summer of First Works is fast approaching. When Leilia runs afoul of the Marketer, a dangerous and powerful outsider, the secrets she learns will challenge her faith, threaten her life, and ultimately inspire her work. With time running out, Leilia must discover her hidden talents and create a masterpiece, her First Work, or face certain doom at the hands of the Marketer. I have received both scholarships and awards for writing, earned a BA in English and an MEd in Teaching, taught writing at the high school, college, and postgraduate levels, earned a perfect score on the writing portion of the GRE, and written four novels. My first published piece--outside of my college newspaper--will be coming out this year in the final installment of Knowledge Quest’s What Really Happened series. I have enclosed the first ten pages of First Work as well as SASE. I genuinely appreciate the time you have taken to consider my query, and I look forward to the opportunity to send you my complete manuscript. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twinmom Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Wow, sounds great to me, Aubrey! Send that letter...and best of luck with your impending birth! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofkhm Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Can I read it? It sound wonderfully intriguing. A page turner for sure. Is it plainly Christian? Of course, I'm no publisher, but it sounds like something I'd pre-read and then pass on to my oldest (13) dd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Audrey, let me preface this by saying that I have been the spouse of an aspiring writer for 15 years, so I have seen my fair share of query letters.;) My main suggestion is that you spend some time online at agent blogs. Check out the blog by Miss Snark if it's still up. Agents offer suggestions and sometimes even critique queries sent in to them. Reading through yours quickly (I have to dial in to a meeting), I'd would recommend NOT comparing your book to a Newberry winner. I'd also remove most of your bio stuff except for your English degree and your upcoming writing credit. Best of luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in Austin Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 I think it sounds great but I would replace the line "some of the insights you shared in the interview" with a specific example. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted August 4, 2008 Author Share Posted August 4, 2008 Can I read it? It sound wonderfully intriguing. A page turner for sure. Is it plainly Christian? Of course, I'm no publisher, but it sounds like something I'd pre-read and then pass on to my oldest (13) dd. No, it's not plainly Christian. Honestly, although I am a Christian, & I believe the *conclusion* to the entire trilogy reflects a deep faith, the books may be offensive to other Christians. It's really one of those wait-&-see-how-it-works-out kind of things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted August 4, 2008 Author Share Posted August 4, 2008 Ok, ladies. This is the best response I've gotten from you all so far. Here I go................wheeeeeeeeeee!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Letter sounds good to me but I know nothing about it. Just get that sucker published, I can't wait to read it. And I want an autographed copy too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofkhm Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 And I want an autographed copy too. :iagree::iagree: Me too! Me too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted August 4, 2008 Author Share Posted August 4, 2008 One more thing--my sample passage--how's this? The river came into view after the last turn in the road, blue like angry words, like cold and hurt, shimmering with stolen light from the sun. The river was the boundary of the village, and Leilia braced herself to cross it. Just as she did, though, she saw a pink-clad figure running down its banks on this side, calling her name. . . . Kharissa looked up into Leilia’s eyes. “I have come to tell you this is not the end. Leilia. You are beautiful. Don’t give up.†Somehow, Kharissa’s words hit a wound Leilia hadn’t even known she had. The tears welled up in her eyes as the words repeated in her head. She was beautiful. Not that she was not unbeautiful. She possessed Beauty. And this from the same sister who said she was not a painter. Kharissa always told her the truth, she knew. She could be trusted. “What am I to be, then?†Leilia asked through choked-back tears. “It’s not about you, Leilia. It’s about Beauty. Remember that. If she has hidden a piece of herself in you, do not hesitate to think that she will want it back. Beauty does not abandon.†She took her sister by the shoulders, gently but firmly, and put a finger under her chin. “Look at me, Leilia. Beauty does not abandon. Do you hear me?†“But what if…†“What if nothing. You know the Knowables. Does Beauty ever decrease? Does it pass into nothingness? “Leilia. You are either beautiful or you are not. I’m telling you, for all the trouble you’re having, your beauty is real. Do not doubt it. Hear me? Do not doubt it. “Sit down,†she said, gesturing to the red earth beneath them, and hanging on to Leilia’s shoulders with one strong arm. Together there on the side of the road, they sat, and Kharissa began again. “The Beautiful One had trouble, too, you know. She even bore marks of unbeauty after the Oferlord attacked her. But no one has ever doubted her beauty. Do not doubt yours.†Now Leilia wept openly. Not even her nurse had as much faith in her as Kharissa did. She’d never heard her sister speak thus. For Kharissa to feel compelled to use words--and so many!--she had to be very moved. Leilia sighed at last, wiping her eyes with a cloth offered by Kharissa. “Why couldn’t I have been a potter?†she lamented. “Because the clay laughs at you,†Kharissa replied matter-of-factly. Leilia looked up quickly, taken off guard. Kharissa was grinning. Leilia let out a sigh of relief and laughed, a nice reprieve from the tears. . . . “You’re going to a dark place,†Kharissa began again. “And I wish I could keep you here, with me. I’ve been up all night, sitting by the river, rubbing this stone, and thinking. If I know you are beautiful, and if I trust Beauty, then…maybe this darkness is like my pocket. Maybe you are going into a dark place where Beauty can rub you until you shine.†Kharissa looked up to see if Leilia was understanding. For the first time, Leilia had no words. She smiled at Kharissa through new tears and pulled the potter to herself, squeezing her, trying to hold on to this feeling of sisterhood, trying to hold on to her tribe, her faith, her hope. Because she knew that when she let Kharissa go, the bridge would lay before her, and darkness would descend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lighthouseacademy Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Reading through yours quickly (I have to dial in to a meeting), I'd would recommend NOT comparing your book to a Newberry winner. Best of luck! I love the way you explained why you chose the publisher. :iagree: The Giver is a fabulous book. Even if it is on a similar vein in terms of the dystopian society, you do not want to appear to be a copycat. You also don't want the publisher to be immediately thinking of The Giver instead of what you wrote (which I did as I read your little synopsis). Also, I would personally rework the sentence At just over 65,000 words, the first book, entitled First Work,has been written and polished while the other two are very complete rough drafts so that the foreshadowing and big picture have been thoroughly worked through.- I think the information part of that sentence is very important; however, I stumbled over the syntax and then had to reread it to fully comprehend what was being said if that makes any sense. I may be wrong though, because I am not an English major or writer... All that said, I want a copy too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 I agree with the suggestions above, comparisons are the mark of an amateur. Much good luck! (And....how do I say this without being a pessimist?....have three more agent names chosen to send your proposal to should this person lack the insight and intelligence to snap your proposal in a heartbeat. With the baby coming, I want you to be able to send this out quickly, without thought.) Many best wishes flying your way! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Wonderful! What an encouragement for you to share this with all of us. My dd is writing her first novel and is very excited that you are sending yours to publishers. She says they sound great. It's helpful to all aspiring writers to see how much is involved in getting a publishers attention. Don't give up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted August 5, 2008 Author Share Posted August 5, 2008 The Giver is a fabulous book. Even if it is on a similar vein in terms of the dystopian society, you do not want to appear to be a copycat. You also don't want the publisher to be immediately thinking of The Giver instead of what you wrote (which I did as I read your little synopsis). :iagree: I had a hard time including that comparison, but all the agent blogs & advice I've read said it was very important to do so. It helps the reader to pinpoint genre or something. I tried to phrase it in a way that minimized the seeming self-importance. Ugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lighthouseacademy Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 :iagree: I had a hard time including that comparison, but all the agent blogs & advice I've read said it was very important to do so. It helps the reader to pinpoint genre or something. I tried to phrase it in a way that minimized the seeming self-importance. Ugh. Then you know better than I! I think it is great that you were able to get that letter out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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