social issues and outside classes

[hsmom27]

My 10yo DS is a lonely kid. He has great social skills and is perfectly able to relate socially to children his own age. But... everytime I try to put him in a class or coop type situation, it turns into a disaster. He is generally working 4-5 years ahead of grade level. He has a very strong desire to be in outside academic classes with kids his own age. This just isn't a good fit for anyone. And the children he can socialize with fine outside of class start treating him differently after they sit in a class with him. Added to which, he's really confused by some of his friends thinking "school work" is boring and should be treated with absolute loathing.

 

He so desperately wants friends he can talk to about math, programming, and all the other things he learns and gets so excited about. But when he tries to engage another child on those topics, their eyes immediately glaze over. I don't know what else I can do. There aren't many purely social opportunities to be had where we live. Whenever possible we do attend those. What do you do when like minded peers just aren't available? We can't afford any costly online classes, and honestly, I'm tired of being the only one who can relate to all his theories and ideas.

 

Today he had to give a speech in his outside class and it wasn't well received. The other kids just didn't understand what he was talking about. I will say the other parents made a good effort to ask questions and be interested. But his closest friend in the class asked him (nicely) afterwards why he was even in a class with kids. He's been moping all afternoon. I just don't want my child to be unhappy anymore. Where do you all find peers or even mentors?

 

Thanks

[Arcadia]

He is generally working 4-5 years ahead of grade level. He has a very strong desire to be in outside academic classes with kids his own age.

 

 

For outside academic class, we go by skill level rather than age group. For example, my boys beginners german class has kids from five to ten and all have a good time learning. For sports and other non-academic class, we go by age group.

 

For math, see if there is a good math circle near you. That might be your best bet for peers which can understand his math interest. For programming, see if your local 4H has anything he might be interested in. Also let him try out Alcumus if he has not tried already.

[texasmama]

Is he an only child? My 10 year old and your 10 year old would get along fabulously. :) My 10 year old wants to start a book club this summer. Now I have to find a group of 10-12 year olds who want to read middle school literature and discuss it weekly. My 10 year old still enjoys his co op classes, even if he is more advanced than grade level; however, he is always the youngest in the classes. He takes classes with his 12 year old brother, and there are other 12 year olds in the class. Also, he plays sports - basketball and baseball. Sports are great for academic kids because they learn that they are not superb at everything. Since academics come so easily, this lesson of having to work hard at something must be learned another way - sports accomplishes this, gives him something to spend his time and energy on, and provides the little extrovert lots of opportunity to interact with others. Boy scouts would be another fine activity for a kid like your son, I would think.

[Dmmetler]

What about online classes? We've been able to find some pretty good fits for DD online, and while it's not the same as having a local community, being able to have that weekly live discussion with other smart kids close to her age has been a help, as have the moderated chatboards.

 

What I've discovered is that DD can't handle being the oldest or near the oldest. When she is, she becomes really hard on herself-and everyone around her pays the price. When she's at the young end, she is much better able to handle making mistakes and is much easier going and nicer to be around. And that holds even in classes like tumbling-her coach just commented on the fact that if DD comes in a session that includes older girls (like middle or even high school girls taking a few classes to get a skill down for cheer team), she does MUCH better than if she's in a class that's all younger girls.

[hsmom27]

For outside academic class, we go by skill level rather than age group. For example, my boys beginners german class has kids from five to ten and all have a good time learning. For sports and other non-academic class, we go by age group.

 

For math, see if there is a good math circle near you. That might be your best bet for peers which can understand his math interest. For programming, see if your local 4H has anything he might be interested in. Also let him try out Alcumus if he has not tried already.

 

Unfortunately, everything I've found around here they only group by age. He loves Alcumus. I need to check out 4H though, I hadn't thought of that. Thanks.

 

Is he an only child? My 10 year old and your 10 year old would get along fabulously. :) My 10 year old wants to start a book club this summer. Now I have to find a group of 10-12 year olds who want to read middle school literature and discuss it weekly. My 10 year old still enjoys his co op classes, even if he is more advanced than grade level; however, he is always the youngest in the classes. He takes classes with his 12 year old brother, and there are other 12 year olds in the class. Also, he plays sports - basketball and baseball. Sports are great for academic kids because they learn that they are not superb at everything. Since academics come so easily, this lesson of having to work hard at something must be learned another way - sports accomplishes this, gives him something to spend his time and energy on, and provides the little extrovert lots of opportunity to interact with others. Boy scouts would be another fine activity for a kid like your son, I would think.

 

We are in TX, lol, but it's a big state. He's the oldest of 7. Mostly little sisters and a twin brother who's profoundly disabled. He used to play sports but the politics got to be too much. He's started making noises about dance classes recently. I guess I could think more seriously about that. My time is just limited with so many littles running around. That complicates things somewhat. Let me know about that book club!

 

What about online classes? We've been able to find some pretty good fits for DD online, and while it's not the same as having a local community, being able to have that weekly live discussion with other smart kids close to her age has been a help, as have the moderated chatboards.

 

Any specific recommendations? He's not big into online communities so far, but maybe if he found a good fit, it could help. I get so much good information from this board. I can't imagine trying to homeschool without it. :)

[texasmama]

If you are in the DFW area, your son can attend the summer book club. :D

[regentrude]

Honestly: my children have not been able to find same age peers with which to share academic interests.

My DD has been taking university classes since she was 13 and gets along perfectly in this class environment - same age high school peers would not work.

My DS is part of a homeschool group that is purely for socializing; we meet once a week; any attempt to participate in coop classes with his similar age friends was boring and he did not learn. But he has friends, meets with them, plays online with them, can talk about books with one friend. We have long ago given up trying to find academic groups.

[Kathy G]

We also use coops only for socializing. My children do not have a reall peer at their age group. My son did in our old neighborhood, but statistically it isn't likely to happen again and I suspect that is true for most on this board. We attempt to academically challenge them with above grade level classes at home and school (academic peers) and coops are purely for social peers. We talk to them about it and that has helped as they arent looking to discuss deep academic thoughts at the coops.

[Barbara H]

Yes, different peers for different part interests. When his intellectual needs are met other places (community chess club, library group. astronomy club. family friends who want to mentor or talk about interests) it might be easier to enjoy co-op as a social only experience. Or, maybe he will always do better with kids his own age with activities like sports or dance where they have more in common.

[kiwik]

Could you guys get your kids to skype each other to have that kind of talk?