Whereneverever Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 And I'm really, really sad. We talk online a lot, but this person has recently been mean and insulting towards me and my family. Certain subjects are off topic for me to bring up but they can say whatever they want. When I'm going through something and need some nice words I'm not getting them, but I have to wade through lots of drama. Typed out it seems silly to even debate ending this friendship... But truth is without it I will feel lonely. :( Any advice? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 I'm sorry. :grouphug: Based on the little bit you've described, it does sound like the friendship either needs to end or change dramatically. Does this person know how you feel? Have you given them a chance to change? Not that you owe that, but I'm asking since it seems like you really don't want to have to end this friendship. If you don't feel the friendship can be salvaged, then yes, move on. IME ending a friendship is less painful than staying in one that is one-sided and abusive. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted March 15, 2013 Author Share Posted March 15, 2013 I've tried to bring it up and they have sooo many excuses. I'm not good at confrontation to begin with so I had to get the nerve up and then I just felt shot down. I tend to be a door mat and I'm working to overcome it. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddykate Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 Think about how you would feel if someone were treating your child the way you are being treated. Then, do what you would want your child to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amsunshine Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 BIG hugs. It sounds like this person could be controlling and/or manipulative and/or narcissistic or all of the above. It isn't easy to deal with a person like that, or to easily end a "friendship" with him/her. In the long run, you are so much better off without someone like that in your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dana Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 And allow yourself permission to grieve over the loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted March 16, 2013 Author Share Posted March 16, 2013 Thanks, everyone. My sweet DH took is all for a walk and out to supper and I feel better. It'd be so much easier if it was one of my kids. I hadn't thought about it that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: It sounds like a very one-sided "friend"ship, anyway. As you are being a friend to this person, but they are not being a friend to you in return. Change is scary and hard. Even positive change, but in the end it's worth it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 I've tried to bring it up and they have sooo many excuses. I'm not good at confrontation to begin with so I had to get the nerve up and then I just felt shot down. I tend to be a door mat and I'm working to overcome it. :( Sometimes the best way to avoid being a doormat is to simply not open the door. Avoid phone conversations. If you respond to an email, keep it short and impersonal. Always be busy when your "friend" invites you out to lunch. Seriously. This person is not your friend. She is making herself feel important and superior by making you feel badly about yourself or by saying mean things about your family. Friends don't do that. So don't let her get away with it. If you don't like confrontation, don't confront her. Just avoid her. Constantly. Always be busy and don't make excuses -- "Sorry, I can't make it today" is a full sentence. "I'm sorry, but I'm too busy to talk on the phone right now" is adequate. "No," is the only response you need to provide. She can't be mean to you if you don't give her the chance to do it. I'm sorry she's not nice. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted March 16, 2013 Author Share Posted March 16, 2013 Sometimes the best way to avoid being a doormat is to simply not open the door. Avoid phone conversations. If you respond to an email, keep it short and impersonal. Always be busy when your "friend" invites you out to lunch. Seriously. This person is not your friend. She is making herself feel important and superior by making you feel badly about yourself or by saying mean things about your family. Friends don't do that. So don't let her get away with it. If you don't like confrontation, don't confront her. Just avoid her. Constantly. Always be busy and don't make excuses -- "Sorry, I can't make it today" is a full sentence. "I'm sorry, but I'm too busy to talk on the phone right now" is adequate. "No," is the only response you need to provide. She can't be mean to you if you don't give her the chance to do it. I'm sorry she's not nice. :grouphug: Thank you. This sounds much more my speed then confronting the issue any more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nevergiveup Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 Since she is a friend you have had for a long time, I assume she was not always mean. Perhaps she is going through something that is making her feel ugly and she is lashing out, trying to make those she is in contact with feel the same--sort of "misery loves company," or "I don't love me so I will make it so that you don't either." If you valued the friendship in the past, it might be worthwhile to be a good friend yourself and try to see if she is having some difficulty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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