SKL Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 So finally I get a comment about my advanced 6yo from my girls' teacher. (At the tail end of the email about my other kid's bad behavior, sigh.) "DD doesn't always listen in class. She tends to be doing something else or works ahead (in math) then misses some because she didn't wait for directions. She is not disruptive. It would help her to do better if she stayed with us." Needless to say, I don't plan to consequence my daughter for working ahead at school. At home, I let her decide whether or not to study school subjects (other than reading). She tests way ahead in every subject area, so what's the problem if she would rather play with her castle? And, as the teacher agrees, her choices aren't bothering anyone else. Unlike her sister, she does not have a listening problem. Her issue is that she is very independent. Stubborn also comes to mind. But also, how much can you ask a very bright child to listen to slower kids being taught? At home, when I bring out the math manipulatives and start working with her sister, she goes as far away as she can, so she doesn't have to hear the math facts over and over and over again. Can't say I blame her. She does tend to be a bit sloppy - in many areas of life. She does work as fast as she can and won't be bothered to go back and check her answers. I have recommended that she double-check her work, but I don't make a big deal out of it. She's a very young six and who cares if she "only" has a 3.8 average? I figure, let natural consequences do their work. What do you guys think? Just let it go? Beat my kid ;) ? Advocate for a little more challenge in school? (Hard to ask for higher math when she's getting Bs in that because of careless mistakes.) (Also hard to push the teacher on both ends, with one kid needing a lot of grace and the other a lot of challenge.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Not a discipline problem. However it is a useful skill to listen to the teacher giving the instructions before starting a task. I allow my kids to tune out for explanations when it is "too easy" but they have to listen to task instructions. Else they will do the wrong homework :p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 Not a discipline problem. However it is a useful skill to listen to the teacher giving the instructions before starting a task. I allow my kids to tune out for explanations when it is "too easy" but they have to listen to task instructions. Else they will do the wrong homework :p I agree, but the teacher is talking about following along throughout class as the teacher tells the kids what to do on each individual question. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I would have fallen asleep or daydream or doodle so I am no help. My teachers (catholic nuns) would helpfully call the class to attention when required. Somehow the probability of stubborn and independent in the same child seems to be close to one ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 My friend suggested I beat her more often . . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 My friend suggested I beat her more often . . . . I should clarify that said friend comes from a third-world country where education is highly valued . . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uff Da! Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 She is bored? I don't think it's a discipline problem if that's the case. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roadrunner Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 My friend suggested I beat her more often . . . . I know you are joking, but don't do that. :D Honestly, reason with her. My kids like their teachers and I always tell them that teachers would really appreciate their help. I ask them to imagine what it's like having 20 kids that won't listen and having to get everybody's attention. I think kids like feeling useful and being a helper to the teacher is a big thing for my boys. I use that angle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Nyssa Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 I think it's a problem with my DS and others too. Working ahead and going too fast to pay attention to directions. Then he misses something important. I am trying to teach him that it's important to listen to the directions even if it's tedious and you think you know what's coming. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 My DD was bored silly in school, because she did not need to pay attention. The only solution is more challenging work. Your DD needs to learn to listen just enough to appease the teacher by understanding instructions and being able to do the required work; usually kids who give no trouble otherwise and have everything right are left alone. Challenging work would be better, but we had to settle for the permission to read books in class. For five years. Figuring out just how much attention is enough takes some trial and error. My DD messed up a spelling/math fact test in 2nd grade because she was busy with something else and did not listen when the teacher called out the math problems... she never again read during a test, LOL. If your DD is doing well academically, I'd be inclined to do nothing and let her navigate school herself. The teacher's opinion is not terribly important, IMO, as long as she is not disruptive and as long as she is learning what she needs to. There is no way a smart kid can possibly stand it to pay attention to everything the teacher says in elementary school - they would go crazy with the endless repetitions, waiting for the last student to finally understand what she got the first time it was explained. You should explain to her that more challenging work (if she would want that) can only happen if she pulls herself together and shows the teacher that she excels at the normal material. If the more challenging work is important to her, she will make the effort - but she might quite possibly be content to coast (I had one of each type). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 15, 2013 Author Share Posted February 15, 2013 My DD was bored silly in school, because she did not need to pay attention. The only solution is more challenging work. Your DD needs to learn to listen just enough to appease the teacher by understanding instructions and being able to do the required work; usually kids who give no trouble otherwise and have everything right are left alone. Challenging work would be better, but we had to settle for the permission to read books in class. For five years. Figuring out just how much attention is enough takes some trial and error. My DD messed up a spelling/math fact test in 2nd grade because she was busy with something else and did not listen when the teacher called out the math problems... she never again read during a test, LOL. If your DD is doing well academically, I'd be inclined to do nothing and let her navigate school herself. The teacher's opinion is not terribly important, IMO, as long as she is not disruptive and as long as she is learning what she needs to. There is no way a smart kid can possibly stand it to pay attention to everything the teacher says in elementary school - they would go crazy with the endless repetitions, waiting for the last student to finally understand what she got the first time it was explained. You should explain to her that more challenging work (if she would want that) can only happen if she pulls herself together and shows the teacher that she excels at the normal material. If the more challenging work is important to her, she will make the effort - but she might quite possibly be content to coast (I had one of each type). When I was a kid, I did a lot of daydreaming. I am sure I missed a few things, but not enough that it ruined my life. The problem for me was that I never did get into the habit of listening effectively - even when it did matter. I couldn't even attend to the semester reviews in law school. I'm not sure if I'm just not wired for listening, or the adaptive daydreaming through 12 years of school just stuck. I do want my daughter to be a good listener, when it matters. But she's a little young to figure out what matters and what doesn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 I do want my daughter to be a good listener, when it matters. But she's a little young to figure out what matters and what doesn't. Unfortunately that may be a trained/acquired skill for most people. I learned how to listen for cues from pretending to listen while my elderly relatives drone on. That was how I could answer correctly when they suddenly pose a question. When I started working, it was a useful skill for long board meetings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 That's a hard call. On the one hand, I think it's generally a Good Thing if kids learn to respect their teachers (or at least act like they do!) and listen carefully. On the other hand, it's a big ask for a 6yo to sit and listen to an explanation of something that's way too easy for her. She is effectively being punished for being advanced. Couldn't the teacher help your dd to work ahead? Maybe let her quietly read a book while the normal class work is explained to everybody else, then spend a couple of minutes with her while the other kids start their work? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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