I have not had a consistently good night's sleep in over three years

[freeindeed]

Nothing, I mean NOTHING we have tried to help dd4 sleep has worked. We've tried early naps, no naps, melatonin, and a mild sedative prescribed by her neurologist. Any ideas?

[AK_Mom4]

I'm sorry - this sounds so tough. Would she be able to tolerate a night sitter? Someone you trust who could come in even one night a week to let you get some sleep? It's so hard to be on all day with these special little ones and then not get to sleep at night. Bless you!

[Splash]

We went through this with younger daughter. She woke 3 to 6 times a night. For our dd it was/is food allergies and intollerances that would wake her, including GI and joint pain. When we finally found all the offending foods she slept. She was 4yrs old and I hadn't slept through the night for from the day she was placed in our arms.(she was adopted from Korea at 9 months) I hope you find what is keeping her from sleeping, I know how difficult that is. Also having her sleep on ur floor on a mattress so I could just reach down, rub legs and console her helped me keep my sanity.

[Mom22ns]

Have you tried diet changes? I went almost 3 years without sleeping through the night. Then I removed milk from ds's diet. That night, he woke up once and then he never got up during the night again (unless he was sick or occasionally to use the bathroom, but you know what I mean). It was like waking up from a fog! We ended up Gluten and Dairy free for the next 11 years and it was a lot of work, but it was SO worth it!

[AnIslandGirl]

Our youngest was waking up every 2 hours until she was 4 1/2. It does get better, although at 9 she still doesn't need as much sleep as the rest of the family.

[Tiramisu]

None of mine were good sleepers. Two were horrible. I have also gone years without unbroken sleep. Finally, it's getting better, but I have a 6 yo up more often than not. I wish I had something to offer. We never found an answer.

 

Did you ever have her evaluated for seizures?

 

My two really bad sleepers have more obvious SPD, hypersensitive type. Is your dd hypersensitive? Temple Grandin talks about antidepressants for SPD symptoms in her books. I wonder if something like that would help. It's a somewhat scary thought, but no sleep can make you desperate.

[freeindeed]

She sees a neurologist for her anxiety and her developmental delay issues. She was tested for seizures, and she does not have them. I am starting a gluten free diet with her on Monday in the hopes that it will decrease her meltdowns and help her sleep better. And I would love for someone to volunteer to be a night sitter! I have great IRL friends, but none have offered to do that.

[specialmama]

DISCLAIMER: I argued with myself about keeping all but the final 2 paragraphs, as the beginning, IMO, does not apply to the OP. I decided to leave it because it may help someone somewhere down the line who searches for a sleep thread. Please don't flame me, I'm simply sharing my experience and my opinion, and my utter satisfaction that I chose to do things this way.

 

My son only needs 2 hours of sleep, but his is a different situation, assuming your dd's issues stem from her experience in China and not autism. Let me share with you what we did with our kids, and why I'm glad we did it, but there is a HUGE difference in our children, so most of what I have to say likely doesn't apply to your dd... but please read the end for a tip that might just work.

 

When my children were old enough to not need to be fed in the middle of the night, I refused to go to them. If they were sick or I could tell something was wrong with their cries, then of course I would go. But if there was no need, then I didn't go. I am so glad I did that, because lo and behold, my son ended up having autism. Somewhere along the line (from folks I've talked to, it's assumed between 11 mths and 18 mths) kids with autism get stuck where they're at or they regress in all kinds of ways. My son lost a few foods he was eating around 14 mths of age, but still at age 11 eats like that toddler: sliced bananas mixed with applesauce every night. Anyhow, if well-meaning moms run into their babe's rooms every night and then that sweet child ends up being dx'd with autism down the line: you can almost guarantee that that child will be stuck in that pattern of having mama come in every single night. Because their brains literally are wired differently (true of FASD and children with PTST as well as ASD et al) they sometimes truly only need 2 hours of sleep a night and they function fine. Their parents, however, can clinically go insane with years of unrest and interrupted REM.

 

I know a mom with a 14 yr old boy who has autism who has to rock her boy to sleep for 4 HOURS before he'll settle. This poor mom can't go on vacation, can't have a sitter, therefore can't have a date with dad without a complete melt-down and shut-down which lasts for days. I know another mom with 2 boys on the spectrum who is awake all night long because her teen boys can't sleep. They can't be left alone as they wander the house with full reign, so she must stay awake to ensure their safety. This happens a few times a week and has been like this for 17 years. This mom is 40 and looks like she's 70. I feel so awful for her!

 

I say all this just to reiterate that I'm a huge advocate of leaving babes at night if there is no need... I'm thankful that my son is safe in his room (it is impeccably safe!) and sings songs all night long instead of crying for us, waiting for us to come. Our entire family is rested and sane because we can sleep right through his looooong awake time. I feel for the dozens of parents in my special needs circles who have to get up all hours because their children are simply used to it.

 

THAT SAID, I do realize your dd is adopted and has trauma of her own she can barely process. So I'm willing to bet that hers is a need. I've done a lot of research on orphanage adoptions and had adoption training, and it sounds like your dd is just struggling with her unmet needs of the past. I'm sure you're familiar with RAD, so I'd suggest seeking an attachment therapist in your area and plug away heavily at this while she's still so young. I'd back up the developmental train and treat her like a newborn... meet all those needs that were never met properly in the love she deserves. I would swaddle her tightly and have a nightlight on and maybe a music box to wind up. Speak softly to her, assuring her that "mama's here". Many attachment therapists will take even a teen back to the infant age of not just swaddling and cuddling, but reading to and drinking warm milk from bottles. Mom speaks softly with loving eye contact and simply says things like "this is what mamas do. Mamas love their babies. I love you." They slowly progress and the goal is to have them believe (I mean, really believe) that they can trust you. The hardwiring is difficult to change, but not impossible.

 

You have my complete sympathy. Please continue to take care of yourself too. This is hard on you and your marriage and respite cannot be undervalued. Take a break before you think you need it, and keep maintaining those breaks. You can't afford NOT to. If the pot has run dry, then a bath won't fix it, but a weekend away might. The trick is to stay on top of your rest so that you can be the mama you're supposed to be. Call in all the supports you can, hire if you must, and take care of you. They'll all thank you in one way or another. (((hugs)))

[freeindeed]

Thank you, Karyn. My dd4 is visually impaired, has developmental delays and mental insufficiency, and is also suspected to be somewhere on the autism spectrum. Her orphanage situation was bad, but she actually hasn't had attachment issues. I am sure she would have if her mental ability wasn't so low, but her cognition is not enough to process what her "old" life was like. I hope that makes sense. She slept in a baby bed in our room for the first six months we had her, and then we moved the baby bed into the room beside ours. Now she's in a toddler bed, which she gets out of at night. We actually don't go to her when she wakes up. Usually she just starts playing...and singing...loudly. That keeps us up! I know we could do earplugs, but I wouldn't want to NOT hear her if she did happen to get hurt. I hope no one will flame you. Anyone who hasn't been in our shoes cannot even begin to understand. I appreciate your words of wisdom. And you are so right about finding a way to take care of ourselves. I slept until 9:00 today b/c dd4 did. I actually got to sleep for nine hours last night! Pure heaven.

[celticadea]

This won't help the singing part of keeping you awake but to help with safety and leaving her bed. For various reasons, both of my children had to be taken out of their cribs earlier than would be standard for many families (18 mo & 15 mo) and, of course, wouldn't stay in their beds in the middle of the night. I put a locking baby gate (top of stairs type) at the doorway to their room. That way, at least, they were safe when they got out of bed in the middle of the night. I also keep only baby dolls as toys in their room. Maybe, if you dd really doesn't need the sleep, than having something to do would be helpful, but for mine it just gave them a reason to play. My younger dd who has some sensory processing and self regulation issues needed a lot more direct work to learn how to calm herself down and/or put herself back to sleep. She still has the music box from her mobile in her bed. She finally turns it on for herself now at 2.5.

 

I don't know if this would carry over or not but I think that generally working on my DD2's ability to self regulate has helped in the night-time department too. SInce it was something that we worked on during the day, I was generally cognitively aware enough to do it calmly. After needing PT for myself after messing up my neck from needing to carry her so much during the day, I learned that I really couldn't be the way that she calmed herself down. So when she's crying for no 'good' reason and reasonable assurances and fixes aren't getting through, we take her to her bed, with the lights on (I don't want her to think i'm making her go to sleep as a punishment), turn on her music, give her her cup and pacifier (current age comfort things), and her sensory bucket that has squishy, pully toys, chewy toys, vibrating bat, popper tube. She stays until she's done crying and is free to leave whenever she wants but may be put back in if she's not actually calmed down. When we first started this, I would sit down with her, rock her and hug her til she calmed down. Now I just carry her there if needed and set her down. We ask her when she's crying if she needs to sit on her bed and she'll actually say yes. Sometimes she really can't organize herself to calm down and this has helped tremendously.

 

The sensory things may not apply at all but maybe actively teaching her how to calm herself through her daytime frustrations as they come up (every child is cranky at some point during the day) will help overall. My dd2 has begun now to take herself to her room when she gets overwhelmed by whatever happened. In the nighttime, I sometimes can hear her turning on her music and she gets herself back to sleep.

[Laura Corin]

How much exercise does she get? One of mine needed at least an hour of hard exercise (red-in-the-face, puffing exercise) to knock him out for the whole night.

 

Laura

[freeindeed]

She is very active during the day. She is actually never really still when she's awake. I could try actually playing chase with her, though. A more concentrated exercise effort might help. I'll give it a shot this afternoon. Any fun exercise ideas?

[Laura Corin]

She is very active during the day. She is actually never really still when she's awake. I could try actually playing chase with her, though. A more concentrated exercise effort might help. I'll give it a shot this afternoon. Any fun exercise ideas?

 

Swimming worked for us - do you have an indoor pool near you?

 

Laura

[Mom22ns]

Not only does a pool offer great exercise, but it is terrific for sensory issues too!

 

I'm celebrating the sleep you got last night and praying that you will find the right answers to get there consistently.

[Heathermomster]

My eldest sibling, who was born with spina bifida and became blind due to a malfunctioning shunt, did not sleep through the night until she was 12. She had seizures and major brain damage. The last neurologist to evaluate her told my mom he was amazed sis could even speak. As a teenager and adult, she always had a cassette player and later a CD player to keep her occupied.

 

I need 5-6 hours of sleep to function. I'm sorry that you are struggling and can only suggest maybe getting a sitter, one night per week.

[Tiramisu]

We always have kept a night time routine of reading aloud. Even though my dc are getting older, they still either read or have books read to them before bed. We wound up getting one dd an MP3 player as a special gift when she had spinal surgery, and I loaded it up with free recordings of classic stories from Librivox and our library website. When she couldn't sleep at night in the months after the surgery, she would listen to the read alouds on her MP3 player. Now that she's older, she downloads her own audio recordings and listens to them before falling asleep. Audiobooks might be a good option for the OP.

 

I would be afraid of the cords/wires with a younger child, but we once had a device with a speaker that was made for putting into a pillow. It was powered by the MP3 player so there were no long cords and everything was tucked into the pillowcase.

[Laurie]

. I am starting a gluten free diet with her on Monday in the hopes that it will decrease her meltdowns and help her sleep better. ,

 

My dd had already tested negative for celiac with both blood tests and a skin biopsy when I started her on a gf diet anyway because of digestion issues. We never imagined that the diet would help her with her sleeping problems as well but it did. My dd had always had very itchy skin that even prescriptions from the doctor couldn't help. But once she was off gluten her itchiness went away and her skin was finally able to heal...she wasn't scratching herself bloody day and night anymore.

 

Does your dd have any skin problems like this? Maybe it could be affecting her sleep, too. It will be interesting to see what happens with the diet change.

 

My ds also had a lot of trouble sleeping when he was younger but becoming a teen definitely cured him! I hope you won't have to wait that long, though! Some things we tried over the years included epsom salt baths/foot baths (for the relaxing effects of magnesium) and a sound machine with nature sounds. My ds has super sensitive ears, and outside noises that we didn't even notice would still be very annoying to him at night.

 

Good luck!

[sbgrace]

That's so hard. Is your husband not able to take over nights on weekends?

 

Has she had a sleep study?

[Guest lakenelson]

I'd suggest hard physical exercise. And Alpha-Stim AID treatments 20 minutes per day - it treats insomnia and stress and balances out neurotransmitters. Safe for kids, no black box warning. I use it myself for sleep and stress.

[amazzie]

If my son has anything artificial...colors, flavors, preservatives, he won't sleep through the night, and he's 10! If he's been accidentally exposed, we find Epsom salt baths or drinking a spoonful of water with activated charcoal help get it out of his system.

 

My dd won't sleep well if she has foods that bother her. She has benefitted greatly from a lactose and gluten free diet, but we started with SCD/GAPS, which is even more strict.

[freeindeed]

Dd(now)5 is sleeping much better on a consistent basis now. We allow a short nap during the early afternoon, and then we do lots of playtime when she wakes up. She still takes melatonin. The gluten free diet really seems to be helping, too. She is not allowed to have any sugary treats past 2:00 pm, and she doesn't ever drink caffeinated drinks. Also, we have a door knob cover on the inside of her door, so even if she wakes up in the night, she is unable to leave her room and wander through the house. She has a nightlight in her room and she happily plays and sings in there. Thank God we are all getting much more sleep around here.

[amazzie]

That's fantastic. I know it's so hard to function without sleep. My three have all been (sometimes still are) difficult at night and it's great to have some ideas of what works for other people. I like the doorknob idea, but I think my dd would panic if she couldn't get out.

[freeindeed]

That's fantastic. I know it's so hard to function without sleep. My three have all been (sometimes still are) difficult at night and it's great to have some ideas of what works for other people. I like the doorknob idea, but I think my dd would panic if she couldn't get out.

 

I understand. I thought of this idea a while back, but I didn't do it then. I wanted our daughter to feel secure and safe, especially since she had been abandoned by her birth mom and ignored for two years in an orphanage in China. Once my husband and I felt sure that she knew she was finally "home," then we decided to use the doorknob cover. Thankfully she is doing fine with playing in her room at night.

[oceanseve]

I'm glad you figured it out! If anyone else comes searching for ideas I truly believe the key is diet. When we took my non-sleeper off dairy it got SO much better!