Need help saying "no" or should I say "yes"?

[urban_mom]

Friend at church decided to have a "vbs" of sorts at our church that goes from 9-2 every day for a week. She has older kids and works at the church and her kids go to camp all day every day in the summer so this does not seem long to her. My kids are 5 and 3 and the younger one takes naps. I told her I could help 2 days that week because my little one would not make it at a 5 hour vbs all week long with no nap. DH works from home 2 days/week, so he could stay with him those days.

 

Anyway, it took all my nerve to tell her that I would only do 2 days, and now she's e-mailing and asking if I could do every day for 2 hours instead. Now, I know I should be happy to do this (sorta) but it lunch time every day and our church is kinda a 20 minute drive away. I just think that the whole thing was planned weirdly. She wants this vbs to be 5 hours long every day (and include lunch) so shouldn't she have asked her volunteers if they thought this was a good idea before she put it in the church bulletin? She's acting like she can't get enough volunteers, and I want to feel bad for her, but I think this whole thing is crazy! We're in the city and myself and one other mom are the ONLY sahm's in our whole church. I don't know who she thought was going to volunteer for this.

 

I guess I'm asking: should I just buck-up and do this or can I say no without being a totally weeny?

[Remudamom]

You told her what you can do, she can take it or leave it. Too much of an inconvenience for your babies. Too much recovery time. She should be thankful for the help you offered instead of complaining. Make her another offer, you stay home.

[urban_mom]

assumed that I'd be helping for the week, so I feel like I need to help somewhat. I just HATE how people plan these things by themselves and THEN ask for volunteers because I would have told her that the whole thing should have been from 9-11:30! It's hard because I feel like I can't say what I really want to say but I feel like I can't say "no" altogether either. I guess I'll just tell her that I think I need to stay with Tues/Fri because we had other plans that week. Yikes.

[Elaine]

I just HATE how people plan these things by themselves and THEN ask for volunteers because I would have told her that the whole thing should have been from 9-11:30!

 

 

You hit the nail on the head! Not to be mean, but she didn't plan well and now she wants you to help her pick up the slack. I give her props for doing VBS, it's a huge commitment as well as a blessing to the kids. :001_smile:

 

Stick to your guns Urban Mom. Do what you are able to do and what you committed to do only. Tell her I said so.;)

[kalanamak]

Shelter a fool from the consequences of their actions and they remain a fool. Say no, and let her get the idea not to announce and then flog people into it.

[Chris in VA]

You are being helpful. She ASSUME'd--you know what that means--

Don't let her "make an @SS out of U and Me!"

 

Be sweet, but only do the two days. Do not let her guilty you into helping more than would be good for your family. Do her the favor of teaching good boundaries by your good example.

[Jacquelyn in NC]

:iagree:

 

She asked for help, you looked at your life, and told her how you could help. As much as we want to be there for our friends when they need help, we can only do what we can do. If you give in and do more than you KNOW your family can take, you will feel resentful every time something goes wrong that week (even if it isn't her fault!), from cranky babies to having to put gas in your car.

 

Stick to your guns, give your help graciously, and pray that others step forward to help. I'm betting that she will do better planning next time...

[Cathy in IL]

Don't feel pressured to do more than you feel is best for you and your children. At this season in your life, that sort of schedule simply doesn't work well. You told her the help you could give. Maybe in the future she will talk to the people she hopes will help before setting the times. It's God's ministry and He will call the people He wants there. As we are prepping for AWANA to start again in fall, I am so tempted to call up some people and strongly encourage them to be Cubbie leaders. But the truth is, it needs to be God calling them to serve. I see it the same way for you and VBS. You have been called to be a mother and wife. You know what your children need. Serving twice for VBS can fit in your schedule and God will put someone else there on the days you are not there or He will make His ministry successful some other way. Don't feel guilty saying no.

[JFSinIL]

Just Say No - as in "Oh, my two-days a week won't work out? Sorry." If you wanted to cover lunch time five days in a row you'd have offered to do that to begin with. Just stick to your original offer - do NOT let her try and rearrange your life or discuss why you won't do her schedule.

[Rosie_0801]

I just HATE how people plan these things by themselves and THEN ask for volunteers.

 

People do this because it doesn't work if you do it the other way. Waiting for all your potential volunteers to speak to each other and come to some sort of agreement would take the rest of their life. Of course, it is sensible to put out feelers and get a general idea of what people might be willing to do. Ultimately though, if you want something to happen, you have to put your foot down, make a decision and hope that your volunteers will actually volunteer.

You've told her what you can do. She shouldn't be more important to you than you are. She, like pretty much everyone else around, should only get as much of you as you are willing to hand out. You are not a pantry for people to come and grab whatever they want, whenever they want! Agree to her new plan if it is convenient for you, or at least not too inconvenient. You are the one who'll have to put up with cranky, overtired kids. It's not your fault she didn't ask your opinion earlier.

:)

Rosie