Catholic early 1st Communion question

[anabelneri]

I'm hoping there are folks here who have experienced/encountered this situation and have suggestions for me.

 

Ok, I should say before I get started that I'm not really looking for a conversation about Church law/policy about the proper age for 1st Communion... I'm willing to share the story, but essentially the decision about this has already been made, and what I really need are practical & realistic ideas given the situation.

 

prior-to-this-child background: I am a convert to Catholicism, my dh is cradle Catholic. When our older daughter was 3 or 4yo, she realized what the Eucharist was and, quite naturally and appropriately, desired it. We were not in a church where early 1st Communion was an option, so we spent the 4 years until she was in 2nd grade with her in tears every time we attended Mass. And this wasn't an "everyone has something and I want it" situation like happens with some children, this is a "why can't I have Jesus" kind of thing. Heartbreaking. Totally. It was hard to go to church. In talking to my MIL, apparently she went through this with my dh as well. Arg.

 

Anyway, last spring my then-almost-4yo realized what the Eucharist was. Once again we returned to the days of going up for Communion or blessing, and after walking through the Communion line I would be coping with a little person in tears absolutely devastated that she couldn't receive Jesus. This time we are in a new parish, and the staff noticed her walking up in the line, receiving her blessing, her little face crumpling and the tears... Well, it was decided to include her in this year's 1st Communion group. Now she doesn't cry at church, but she does check in with me regularly, "I can go up when I'm 5, right?" (Her 5th birthday is about a month before our church's 1st Communion celebration).

 

Ok, so here's the thing. When my elder dd was approaching 1st Eucharist, we had certain expectations about her behavior during Mass that she needed to meet in order to receive Communion. But my younger dd is only 4-1/2; it would be developmentally inappropriate to hold her to the same standards as a 2nd grader. What do you think would be developmentally & religiously appropriate? Has anyone ever experienced this or seen it at church?

 

Thanks ever so much!

[Guest inoubliable]

What do other five year olds act like in church?

[nono]

No, it isn't developmentally inapporpriate for your younger to be reverant. Talk to any Episcopalian. Oh, ok, well, my kids are. I'm in between. So let me tell you. If I see my 6 yr old not behaving in a manner to which is my standard, I totally vault out of the pew and have no problem correcting what the Church School folks are willing to let slide. I'm sure the whole parish thinks I'm the nutty R.C., but I feel like a lot of the folks really appreciate my adherance to the reverance aspect. And I think my children do too!

 

So, teach!!! Teach it, and have this child relalize what a special gift it is to receive early! YEA!

[LMA]

Receiving Communion is not a function of age. With receiving first Holy Communion, there is a certain amount of responsibility that goes with it and that is why a certain age of reason is needed. That includes understanding that the Sacrifice of the Mass is the same as the one on Calvary, understanding mortal and venial sin, understanding the 10 Commandments, etc., basically Catechism. Also, there are certain fast rules and recitation of prayers and Confession before you can receive Communion. Some kids can understand all of this at an earlier age. I know some who received their First Communion at 4, but they understood all of their First Communion Catechism and passed their tests with the priest. You can talk with the priest if you think she is ready for instruction, and you can do the instruction yourself. Yes, reverence at Mass is part of all this.

 

Likewise, there are children who are 8 who are not ready to receive but they are allowed to anyway.

[justamouse]

Well, the ability to receive communion doesn't hinge on the ability to be still in church. It's not about works.

 

(The Eastern Rite receive at baptism. THAT said, keep working on the reverence. The 'age of reason' is slippery, I think, and it's that reasoning that other denominations use to hold off things such as baptism.)

 

I really liked this article on why the West stopped receiving at birth, and how it still can be, within the West.

[Crimson Wife]

We received permission for my oldest to make her FHC at age 6. My grandma was 98 at the time and we really wanted her to witness DD's FHC if possible. We also wanted to have a joint ceremony with youngest DD's baptism. My DD had already completed the 1st grade Faith and Life curriculum in K at home so she was ready for the 2nd grade curriculum at 6.

 

The RE director for our parish asked me to do CCD at home with DD rather than having her in the regular class because there was another mom of a 7 y.o. 1st grader already upset that her child had to wait until 2nd grade. That lady would've gone ballistic had she known my DD was allowed to be in the FHC class at 6.

 

My DS will be 8 by the time he makes his FHC because he wasn't ready to start CCD until this year.

 

With youngest DD's developmental delay, she will also presumably be older. We're going to try putting her into the 3 y.o. class this fall with oldest DD as aide. If that works, she'd be a year behind the typical schedule.

[carriede]

I've never seen a child take communion early. I'd talk to your priest to see what he think and when training/classes would be necessary.

[Parrothead]

Development and age often do not coincide.

 

If she is ready, then you will know. The age of reason is not set in stone. Age 7 is a guideline, not a hard and fast rule.

[momofkhm]

OK. Not RC. So no FHC. But I did allow my kids to take communion when the realized what the eucharist is. (We're Anglican.) But before they could take it, I wanted them to be able to pay attention in the service. The part of the service they were there for anyway. Children's Sunday school was during the sermon. So they had about 15-20 minutes of paying attention and following along with the hymns and readings before they left for SS. Then they had another 5-10 minutes after they came back during the time of preparing the table. (Our service nearly mirrors the RC service. IL are RC so I've been to several.) For us this was a time of no crayons, no filler stuff. They had the proper book open and my finger showing them the words we were saying if necessary. And yes, my kids were doing this earlier than 8yo.

[Chris in VA]

I went in the opposite direction with my dd.

We are not Catholic, so take this with a grain...BUT we do believe in the Real Presence, not a memorial, we just leave it a bit fuzzy.

 

One Sunday, maybe Easter? I was getting ready to go up to receive, and I just had this "feeling that was not a feeling" that dd should receive. She was 3, I think. I took her up (our kiddos go up for a blessing if they are not ready to receive), and, without me telling her to, she held out her hands for the host--usually she'd cross her arms on her chest for the blessing. I think I asked her if she wanted Jesus Bread and Jesus Wine (what we called it at home). My husband (priest) gave her the host--it was like both of them *knew* it was time.

She was baptised as an infant, and had all the developmental love of Jesus that small kiddos do.

 

It was a holy moment.

 

I know this probably isn't that helpful; ordinarily, I do believe strongly in instruction, but there is something about those little hands reverently reaching for Jesus Christ that emphasized how great a gift it is to receive, and how it is not our work that makes us ready, but God's Grace.

 

She continued to receive instruction to reach greater understanding, of course, and like all of us, will continue to grow that way, but for that moment, she was truly ready.

 

I will say also that I believe it is important to prepare for each time of receiving, but I do not connect it to behavior or attitude--sometimes the very time I am struggling to "behave" is the time I need the Eucharist the very most. As long as there is willingness to try, I think it's just fine to come to the altar, even if you are weak-willed and sin-sick.

[nono]

 

I will say also that I believe it is important to prepare for each time of receiving, but I do not connect it to behavior or attitude--sometimes the very time I am struggling to "behave" is the time I need the Eucharist the very most. As long as there is willingness to try, I think it's just fine to come to the altar, even if you are weak-willed and sin-sick.

 

That's a good point -- I hope my post above didn't come across as draconian...it's when I see the lack of effort and general disrepect for the time in church that I act. Last week, it was my ds, who loves the hood of his coat, wearing it going up to Communion! I. Couldn't. Let. It. Slide. So, I just went up the aisle (kids receive before rest of congregation), dehooded him, gave him the look, he cracked up, and that was that.

[Tita Gidge]

I prefer children to receive Sacraments as early as possible, once they are ready to, willing, and able. My parish and diocese prefer to put in place a checklist of completely unrelated requirements so as to bolster stewardship during a time when many parents are effectively held hostage to the parish's games. I live in an area heavily populated by cultural Catholics, so such is life. This is an argument I have with the same DRE every time one of my children hits early elementary. She gets where I'm coming from (a more traditional area in which Sacraments are received any time a child is deemed ready by a priest), but is hard to budge.

 

I'm not out to rush the Sacraments to my kids, and one of mine didn't take FHC until the age of 10. That kid just wasn't ready until then. He struggled with the concept of the priest acting in persona Christi as it pertained to confession. Most of his peers are Mormons, and they believe differently than Catholics. He and his friends are intellectual types who would actually talk religion as 8-9-10 year olds. Naturally he couldn't make FHC until he had been to his first reconciliation. The DRE didn't agree with me withholding both sacraments, but we've always had different ways of identifying readiness. It's important to me that the child understands what the sacrament is and represents. While my son worked through this, I took him to adoration every week. The old folks there love him, and he often joined them for coffee and donuts and more religious discussion. Years later, he still does LOL.

 

For my children, readiness for FHC means that the child can be reverent during the Liturgy of the Eucharist. They need to be focused on the altar, not flipping through the missal or staring at the stained glass. They need to be reasonably still, not rocking on the kneeler or making music with their elbows banging on the pew in front of us. I don't love that they do this at any point during the Mass, but I don't address it so long as they're quiet and not disturbing others around us. But for a child desiring or having received FHC, I have higher expectations during this point of the Mass in particular. When the bells ring, I expect heads bowed, prayers said - not scanning the nave or looking off into space as if completely unaware of what has just transpired.

 

For me it's not enough that the child knows about the Consecration; he must be consistently reverent every time we re-enact it at Mass. That's what I feel to be developmentally and religiously appropriate, at any and every age for someone desiring or receiving Communion.

 

I have a daughter similar in age to yours, who also is young but aching to receive. I've had to explain that (as Catholics) it's not enough to want it, we have to also be ready and prepared for it. She knows this is true not just because I say it, but because I've stayed in the pew with her on occasion having not made it to Confession in time to receive. We've talked about how even adults aren't always ready or able to receive, including also those we know in RCIA and why they are excused during the Mass. So while we wait for her to grow ready, I take her to adoration. We can walk, so we go over a few times each week for only 10-15 minutes at a time. I reminded her as I reminded my other child: Jesus is present in the Eucharist, but it's not the only place to find Him ;).