newbie Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 I dont want to get into all details. Basically my family has walked on me for the last twenty yrs. Very disfunctional selfish group. Anyway, I have basically done the only thing to keep my sanity. Which is move with no forwarding add. or ph. I know extreme. But I could not take anymore. I did have limited contact with them up until Mar. when my lil sis did it again. It usually involves taking money from me, not stealing, but indirect stealing. So I threw the towel in and cut all ties, with them well knowing I was done. I want no contact. I am not that mean of a Scorpio, I do give in, if I hear a serious sorry. Well, my sis never attempted to email and say she is sorry or rectify. So she is getting married in Aug. they sent shower in. and wedding in. and I sent nothing back. The shower past and my name was not mentioned, but all of a sudden out of blue my mom contacts dh ans. mach and asks if we are going to wedding. CAll back. I told my other sis to call and tell her , but she wont. I dont want to call , because I am still too hurt by their selfishness. Why not call months ago, it makes no sense. Is it only me, Jet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2legomaniacs Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 It's is not my place to know if you are or not, honestly. Are you in a tough position? Yes! Are you hurting? Yes! I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I got close to cutting someone out years ago and it was very hard. I wish you peace in knowing what you need to do to keep yourself sane.:grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbie Posted July 24, 2008 Author Share Posted July 24, 2008 It's is not my place to know if you are or not, honestly. Are you in a tough position? Yes! Are you hurting? Yes! I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I got close to cutting someone out years ago and it was very hard. I wish you peace in knowing what you need to do to keep yourself sane.:grouphug::grouphug: Thank you Melissa, you are always so nice. Jet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 Only you can decide for sure if cutting ties is the best bet, or if it would work to set some intense boundaries. Either way, it's not easy to deal with! Been there, done that! I hope you can find a workable solution and some peace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 and if so, were they respected? (I take it NO) There is a book/bible study called Boundaries and the author's names are townsend and....... I forget. If you don't want religion in it, would it be possible just to read it and forgo the scripture passages? This study was LIFE CHANGING for me. My relationship with my family was SO toxic until I learned to place HEALTHY boundaries around me, dh and kids. It saved my relationship with my parents, but my sister went away forever, and my mentally ill, verbally abusive brother has blown his stack recently on us for the last time. We really have no family (parents are ailing and won't be around long) :sad: but as much as I hate to sound awful, it's SO PEACEFUL. Try to decide if it's something you can work out. Are you married? If so, what does your husband think? My husband, the most patient man on the face of the earth, is the one who finally threw in the towel with my sister. I'm THANKFUL. Denise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3lilreds in NC Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 Oh honey - I'm sorry. I know about difficult family. Can you just send back the RSVP card marked "NO?" Honestly, if they know you don't want to talk to them and you don't call back, they will have to assume that you are not coming. If you've said no contact, let it go. I know how these things can get under your skin, but let it be their problem that they didn't listen to you, not yours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashleen Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:Family relationships can be hard. Just do what you have to do to keep yourself calm enough to manage the rest of your life. Only you can decide how much of yourself to give at this time; if that's nothing at all, then don't even respond. I've also found that during difficult times in my relationships with certain family members, it helps to keep a journal (it can even be looseleaf paper that you destroy afterward) where you write down what you wish you could say to the person...all of it, in fully gory detail. It at least keeps it all from festering inside. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diana in OR Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 I've had to do this with my sibling. It's a tough place to be, but for me it was the absolutely right thing to do. Hugs to you.:grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbie Posted July 24, 2008 Author Share Posted July 24, 2008 You guys are so wonderful, I knew you would understand. Thank you so much for being supportive and being my new found family. And I am going to order that book. Thanks again and may God bless you all. Jet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiver0f10 Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 :grouphug: Sorry you are going through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetTN Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 It can be so hard when you love your family and want everything to be right but it just won't work. I can't tell you what is the right thing to do but I have been where you are. I chose to cut off all contact with a family member seven years ago for the sake of my own peace and sanity and have never regretted my decision. I hope everything works out for you. Prayers and hugs.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abreakfromlife Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 I agree with the Boundaries book so much. I practically have that book memorized. I read it at least 5 times this fall, and had to set some serious boundaries with my mom. She's a very selfish, controlling person, emotionally abusive, etc.......In the book they talk about how hard(for sure!!!!) it is, and how the boundaries show your relationships for what they are. Most ppl, when confronted with boundaries, will want to change b/c they love the person who is setting them, and now they know that their behavior is damaging. But that some people will not change and don't care about being cut off and having the relationship gone. That's how it ended up being with my mom. It is a lot more peaceful not dealing with her abuse and drama, but it's also very hurtful. You would think a mother would be willing to change for her kids, but nope. Even her not seeing the grandkids hasn't made her want to change at all. But, it's ok. God will fill my kid's need for a grandma, and for me, a mom. It's not wrong for you to want you and your family to be healthy and to protect them from unhealthy things. If you aren't going to protect yourself and your family, who is? That was a really hard thing for me to accept. My mom was a 'loyalty to me at all costs' type of person, and it was so hard to say, no, protecting my kids from abuse is more important than loyalty to the abuser. But now that I have......it is a really nice feeling. I don't cringe every time the phone rings, wondering if it's her and drama calling. And I have grown a lot as a person b/c of all of it. It is much easier now for me to stand up for myself and talk in other situations - I've been such a passive, beat-down person with little self-esteem - the change in myself has been amazing. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMindy Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 Oh, man Jet, that sounds like a really rough one!!! I'm so sorry that you have been through so much with your family!! :grouphug::grouphug: I have no advice, but I'm sending you a couple hugs and prayers!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dayle in Guatemala Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 :grouphug:Jet:grouphug: So sorry you are dealing with this. Blessings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newbie Posted July 24, 2008 Author Share Posted July 24, 2008 Thank you again for listening to my gripe. Its nice to know I am not the only one in this boat and there are many of you paddling with me. Its a weight off my shoulders , and I dont feel so bad now. You are the best. Sending sunshine your way. Jet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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