A.J. at J.A. Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 Okay, I've been writing the curriculum for our kids' (4yrs-3rd grade) children's church since November. For the most part, things have gone well and I've received positive feedback. However, today I had to stay home (I don't always teach the lesson, I just write the lesson plan and prepare the craft) with sick kids and emailed two of my friends who did teach the lesson. Here are their two (very different) reactions: Friend #1: It went fine, the biscuits rose, and they enjoyed it. The songs were fun. Even a few of the kids that are typically bored had fun. Friend #2: I thought it was a little "boring" today. I say that because most of the time the kids were expected to just sit quietly and watch what was happening. (which was, of course, very hard for them to do.) They sat through the making of the biscuits then had to sit and wait while each kid had a turn coming up to cut out a biscuit. It wasn't until after all that that we had the songs and then the story. About 1/4th of them passed the time by going to the bathroom--we had a pretty constant flow for at least 20 minutes. Of course a whole group couldn't decide at the same time they needed to go so it was a constant opening and closing of the door. I guess considering all that sittin' around time, they did pretty well. They did seem to enjoy the songs, though. ;0) Okay, so I KNOW :rolleyes: I should focus on the positive feedback but the second one really hurts my feelings. I mean I wish I didn't take things so personally but she called it "boring"...OUCH! This is only one of many areas where I seem to be super-sensitive to feedback (even constructive criticism) and can't seem to figure out how to shake the upset that is always present. HELP! :( Thanks! Angela Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 (((A.J.))) I bet your lesson was great. I know what you need, you need a project to get your self-confidence back. I have just the thing for you. You come over and get that library bag from the living room chair and combine all of those library books, some videos from Unitedstreaming, my SOTW and my VP cards, and blend it all into a flawless, seamless unit on the Revolutionary War. And throw in a craft and a lapbook, if you don't mind. I promise I will compliment you profusely. I will work on Love in the Time of Cholera while you create my unit study, okay?:cool: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*anj* Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 If I knew the solution, I'd gladly give it to you. I used to write the Children's Church curric. at my old church. I put an awful lot into it and I thought it was well done. I got a lot of good feedback, but then when I'd get negative feedback, it really bummed me out. I guess you really just need to forgive Friend #2 and move on. I think that forgiveness is really at the root of this kind of thing. You feel hurt by her comment and you're not sure what to do with that hurt. If she's your friend, she can't have known that her words would affect you this way. Give her the benefit of the doubt, either reject her assessment or use it to improve your program, and then move on. Refuse to allow yourself to keep mulling over it, because that's when these things take on a life of their own. Trust me. I'm dealing with a situation right now (different problem than yours) that has the same solution. And I'm working on it....:cool: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 Everything use to upset me, everything use to be personal to me now I take things for what their worth learn what I can and move on. I still have some work to do but I am getting there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nuthouse Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 constructive comment. It may have been hard for those kids to sit. But, then again not everyone is cut out to be a captivating (sp?) Sunday school teacher, and sometimes it's just the mix of kids in that particular classroom. Focus on the positive of friend #1 and look briefly on #2 comments for improvement but don't dwell on them. Thanks for taking the time to develop lesson plans for Sunday school, most ladies who do this don't get enough recognition. ((Hugs)) Ms. D. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.J. at J.A. Posted February 3, 2008 Author Share Posted February 3, 2008 (((A.J.))) I bet your lesson was great. I know what you need, you need a project to get your self-confidence back. I have just the thing for you. You come over and get that library bag from the living room chair and combine all of those library books, some videos from Unitedstreaming, my SOTW and my VP cards, and blend it all into a flawless, seamless unit on the Revolutionary War. And throw in a craft and a lapbook, if you don't mind. I promise I will compliment you profusely. I will work on Love in the Time of Cholera while you create my unit study, okay?:cool: BWAHAA! DH would KILL me! I've also added a History Club to my plate (thanks to whomever recommended that from the hive) and I'm organizing that too. Thanks for the sweet humor and encouragement...it certainly brought a much-needed smile to my face! :D Angela Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.J. at J.A. Posted February 3, 2008 Author Share Posted February 3, 2008 If I knew the solution, I'd gladly give it to you.I used to write the Children's Church curric. at my old church. I put an awful lot into it and I thought it was well done. I got a lot of good feedback, but then when I'd get negative feedback, it really bummed me out. I guess you really just need to forgive Friend #2 and move on. I think that forgiveness is really at the root of this kind of thing. You feel hurt by her comment and you're not sure what to do with that hurt. If she's your friend, she can't have known that her words would affect you this way. Give her the benefit of the doubt, either reject her assessment or use it to improve your program, and then move on. Refuse to allow yourself to keep mulling over it, because that's when these things take on a life of their own. Trust me. I'm dealing with a situation right now (different problem than yours) that has the same solution. And I'm working on it....:cool: Yes, you are right! Friend #2 tends to be "negative" and outspoken but it does hurt because I feel like she should have known! Oh well, you are absolutely right about not allowing myself to mull over it. All the sweet comments from here are helping me put it in perspective. :) Angela Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.J. at J.A. Posted February 3, 2008 Author Share Posted February 3, 2008 Everything use to upset me, everything use to be personal to me now I take things for what their worth learn what I can and move on. I still have some work to do but I am getting there. I'm certainly trying to get there...is there anything specific you did to get to that point? Thanks! Angela Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.J. at J.A. Posted February 3, 2008 Author Share Posted February 3, 2008 constructive comment. It may have been hard for those kids to sit. But, then again not everyone is cut out to be a captivating (sp?) Sunday school teacher, and sometimes it's just the mix of kids in that particular classroom.Focus on the positive of friend #1 and look briefly on #2 comments for improvement but don't dwell on them. Thanks for taking the time to develop lesson plans for Sunday school, most ladies who do this don't get enough recognition. ((Hugs)) Ms. D. Thanks so much! I reviewed the lesson plans and if they had done it as I suggested there wouldn't have been too much sitting...so that is helping me a little bit here. Thank you for the encouraging words...sometimes I do feel like I don't get too much thanks and it hurts, although I know it isn't supposed to be about me anyway! UGH...being human is tough! Angela Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.griff Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 I have an idea, take it or leave it- I mean no harm. :) When you feel hurt by somebody giving you "negative feedback", don't think about yourself. Instead, focus on Christ and how hurt He must have felt when the people He loved so very much, so much that He gave His life for them, rejected Him. Think about how He feels when we mistreat eachother, when we are absorbed in ourselves and focus on our problems instead of focusing on Christ and serving Christ through serving others. Find something "helpful" to do, and do it to the best of your ability. Now, I am NOT saying that you are focused on yourself, or anything negative like that, I'm just trying to help you find a way to make a positive use of a negative situation. Plus, friend #2 wasn't saying that YOU are boring, she just cadidly gave her opinion of how things went that day. It's okay, everyone will not like everything that you do. Be glad that she told you this instead of talking behind your back about it. :) Find something to be glad about, use the feedback to improve your future lessons (if there are other activities with lots of *sit still and watch quietly* time in them, add some songs or exercises for the kids to do while watching and waiting, or something) and be glad that friend #2 is honest but not harsh. Maybe she was really stressed by the kids behavior, and just wanted to let you know how it went so that hopefully in the future there will be more things for them to actively participate in. HUGS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 When you feel hurt by somebody giving you "negative feedback", don't think about yourself. Instead, focus on Christ and how hurt He must have felt when the people He loved so very much, so much that He gave His life for them, rejected Him. Think about how He feels when we mistreat eachother, when we are absorbed in ourselves and focus on our problems instead of focusing on Christ and serving Christ through serving others. Find something "helpful" to do, and do it to the best of your ability. Whoa!! Were you at my church this morning? Did we hear the same sermon today? Our whole sermon was about service and the scripture references were all about Jesus serving the disciples, even Judas. Uncanny. We don't go to church together and not know it, do we?;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.griff Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 LOL, nope it wasn't me. :) I/we don't attend church. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet in WA Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 If you find out, let me know -- immediately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 The criticisms aimed at you seemed to me to be more teacher issues rather than curriculum. The teacher is the one who structures activities around the abilities of her class--as the curriculum writer, you provide the options. The teacher implements those options in whatever way is appropriate to her class. If the kids were acting up that is a teacher issue, IMHO. Also I would *never* put up with a revolving door of a million kids needing to go to the bathroom. It's only an hour, for heaven's sake. If they are little ones, there can be *one* group trip to the bathroom. I would not see bathroom time as a problem with a boring curriculum, but rather with a teacher who has not managed her class efficiently. Sorry your friend criticized needlessly. Just keep praying over your writing and know that your service is for God. ((( )))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa at Home Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 From what I see in your post, this is NOT about you!!!:) This is about two different teachers, with two different teaching styles. Teacher number two obviously didn't know how to keep the kids' interest as she did a lesson in FRONT of them. I think she didn't know how to involve them and THAT is why they were "bored." Some people have a hard time "doing" something and at the same time engage young minds. It seems like she doesn't know how to improvise. You can use this as a learning experience if you have to prepare lessons for her again. As far as developing a thicker skin, you MUST learn to separate who you are from what you do. This is why people who serve at church get so completely burned out. You must not let people's opinion of your lessons affect the way that you see yourself. Your job is to provide a lesson. Hopefully, a well thought out, reasonable, prayerful plan. If you look at your ministry as a job of sorts, it may help. You ARE after all, volunteering to work as a lesson planner at your church. No, you don't get paid, but you have a certain thing to accomplish. That is *your* part. You can't make all of the people happy all of the time. So, if you make some of the people happy some of the time, you are doing a great job!!! ~Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 If it were me, I would work privately at forgiving friend #2, but if I felt emotionally safe with her, I would go back to her (perhaps through email) and ask "What could I have changed about the lesson that would have improved it?" If she can't name anything specific, I would privately discount her opinion. If she has something specific, I would try to see if I could take it into account next time. She was vague--she didn't give specifics. That is what really bugs me. She tagged it boring without really saying why, except a dig about the children having to sit and watch. I find it particularly interesting that you said that the children wouldn't have just been sitting there if the teacher had done it the way you wrote it. So, perhaps developing thicker skin might be realizing that since she didn't have specific, constructive criticism, her comments are more about her issues than about you. Your curriculum is probably not the root of her problem. I'm sorry you had to endure this. When we write something, it's almost like our "baby" and it's always hard to see it criticized. (((A.J.))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.J. at J.A. Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 Thank you everyone so much!! I wish I could reply to every single comment because I value every one. You each have validated my feelings but still given me really useful information on how to view this particular situation (and probably ones to come in the future). You all are truly a blessing to me and I appreciate having a place to come for support and wisdom! Much love and appreciation, Angela:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momo4 Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 I hope I don't get bumped for writing something religious and thinking that everyone believes the same as me, but you did start out saying it is a church curriculum. Pray, and ask God to take those bad feelings away. You are here to please him, not man. Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but the one who trusts in the LORD is kept safe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MelodyInTx Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 I read the second teacher's comments and my first thought was, 'does this person need help on how to manage the class?' I mean no offense, but maybe this could be a learning opportunity for her. The kids were going in and out to the restroom for 20 minutes; would this be an opportunity to talk to her about maybe a group trip to the restroom. She said they came up one at a time; could she have adapted this to several students coming up at once and let them enjoy each others company and by extension cut down on the kids boredom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
praisefor3 Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 A few years ago I shared in a women's Bible Study that I was a sensitive person and my feelings were sometimes easily hurt. In retrospect, (as much as I hate to admit it) I really was expecting sympathy and understanding. Instead, after the Bible Study one of the members came up to me and said she used to have the same "problem." (That was my first surprise.) She suggested that I pray and ask God to help me to not be so sensitive. I remember thinking in shock, "You mean this is a fault of mine??? I thought this was just the way God made me!" What she said struck me like a dagger, but thankfully, I did allow God to use that to teach me that perhaps my sensitive nature actually kept me from doing and being all that He had in mind for me. The truth is, if you aren't able to separate the personal side from the comments made, you, too, will possibly not be able to complete all that He asks of you for fear of receiving and being open to criticism - sometimes constructive criticism. I cannot tell you how much happier I am now that I have been able to overcome much of this sensitivity. Obviously, there are still times I am hurt and sometimes it is even justified. But I have such a freedom in letting things go, always assuming that others meant the best not the worst, and truthfully not caring most of the time if they do disagree with me or I with them. I pray you will find that same freedom. It would be a shame to limit His plans for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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