Cindy in C-ville Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 Do you know the story of the origin of this most excellent response to snarky and intrusive comments? I tried a search but couldn't find it. I'm wondering if it was way, way back on the earlier board... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenn in FL Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 (edited) I think that Joanne first coined this phrase YEARS (think many years) ago on the original board. :001_smile: I believe her trademark comment was something to the effect of, "Pass the bean dip!" HTH, Jen Edited November 7, 2012 by Jenn in FL Add'l info Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 I think that Joanne first coined this phrase YEARS (think many years) ago on the original board. :001_smile: HTH, Jen :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in NC Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 I have a copy in a document file if you would like me to send you a copy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 The first person I heard it from was Ellie on Vegsource, back when it was the IT place to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 It is an old saying. I heard it long before frequenting this board. But locally it is attributed to Joanne. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in C-ville Posted November 7, 2012 Author Share Posted November 7, 2012 I have a copy in a document file if you would like me to send you a copy. Melissa, that would be great. I looked for Joanne's blog and couldn't find it. Is it still around? My email address is cynthiafin at gmail dot com. Thank you!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 Yes, I am the original author. My site, which has been static since my divorce, has been compromised. I plan on developing a new site, but I now have additional ethical and policy concerns. I also plan on a bit more editing. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in C-ville Posted November 7, 2012 Author Share Posted November 7, 2012 Yes, I am the original author. My site, which has been static since my divorce, has been compromised. I plan on developing a new site, but I now have additional ethical and policy concerns. I also plan on a bit more editing. ;) Joanne, I have this content: I've found new moms often confuse boundaries and trying to convince someone of the *rightness* of their choices. The best thing is to assert your boundary and *not* try to defend your choice. Some family and close friend help..... First, I learned early on that most of my choices were on a "need to know" basis. Most people don't "need to know". If asked "how is the baby sleeping?" Answer: Great! Thanks for asking! Want some bean dip? "Are you sure you should be picking her up every time she cries?" Answer:"Yes! Thank you! Want some bean dip?" "When do you plan to wean" Answer: "When she's ready. Thanks! Want some bean dip?" Now, with some people you will need to set *firm* boundaries. They will need to be backed up with action (like hanging up, leaving the room or even the event). If it's a pattern of intrusion, for example. Practice kind but firm responses: "I know you love us and the baby. We are so glad. Our sleeping choices have been researched and made. I will not discuss it again" Also, don't confuse setting boundaries with trying to convince someone of the rightness of your choices. New AP moms often struggle with this. The boundary is that no one else has a right to tell you how to parent and create a hostile environment. You set boundaries by doing the above. Where new moms often invite problems is by citing authors, studies and sites to "defend" themselves. Each time you do so, you create more time for discussion and rebuttal and send the message that your decisions are up for debate. Don't defend your choices beyond generalities, and then only once or twice. "The doctor is in support of our choices. Want some bean dip?" Finally, look them in the eye and say simply "I want us to have a good relationship. I want you to *enjoy* the baby. I'll parent the baby - you enjoy them. Let's not discuss this anymore. If you bring it up, I will leave the room." Would you mind if I use the idea in a blog post I'm writing? I'd love to give you credit. What would be the best way for me to do that so that you feel honored but that your privacy is not compromised? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 It was originally part of my Happy Homeschooler blog. You could use my titles now, and credit me as a former homeschooler. I'm currently an LPC (intern). It's easy to find, but if you need my last name, PM me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 It is an old saying. I heard it long before frequenting this board. But locally it is attributed to Joanne. Pass the Bean Dip "might" be an old saying, along the lines of "How about those Mets!" ;) But "Pass the Bean Dip" is actually a shortened way of referencing a longer process of boundary setting which is my material. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 The first person I heard it from was Ellie on Vegsource, back when it was the IT place to be. Really? Well, if I said it, I was quoting Joanne. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 Really? Well, if I said it, I was quoting Joanne. :) That's what I wondered after I saw the posts in this thread! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in C-ville Posted November 8, 2012 Author Share Posted November 8, 2012 Joanne, take a look at my post and let me know if there's a way I can give you credit. Here's the link: http://www.cindyfinley.com/2012/11/bean-dip-anyone.html Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted November 8, 2012 Share Posted November 8, 2012 Joanne, take a look at my post and let me know if there's a way I can give you credit. Here's the link: http://www.cindyfinley.com/2012/11/bean-dip-anyone.html Thanks! Well, that is not the real "Bean Dip" strategy, it's simply changing the subject. But if you ARE going to mention here, it kinda becomes a reference to me/Bean Dip, you know? You could simply say that long time member Joanne from TWTM boards has a known way of helping with boundaries. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in C-ville Posted November 8, 2012 Author Share Posted November 8, 2012 Updated with a little reference to you. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.