Talk me down off the ledge of returning DD to PS

[GTJo1996]

I am struggling, dear hive. I need some support. I am overwhelmed right now with life. My dd8 is driving me nuts. She has worn me out and my patience is thin. I am not a strict parent and my homeschooling style is laidback. I try to make lesson plans, but invariably we don't follow them and then I get upset that we strayed off track.

 

I actually called the PS and made an appt for this week to tour the local elementary school and discuss returning her to PS. I can't seem to MAKE her do her work. She dawdles and gets off track. Meanwhile the 4 yr old brother asks for snacks or playtime and I get distracted. He goes to school 2 days per week but we cannot afford to put him in 5 days per week. And I really don't feel he is the problem. It is her and her constant day dreaming and getting off on tangents.

 

She likes to argue - in a playful manner - about whatever subject I suggest. I say "Lets do math." She says "I HATE MATH! Lets do spelling!" She is good at spelling and knows that it isn't challenging for her. I find myself letting her get away with stuff because I simply cannot argue with her over every.little.thing.

 

I am dealing with my mother's chronic illness, my father's radiation treatment for cancer, my own health issues as of yet undiagnosed...I feel like something's gotta give. BUT I was unhappy after my conversation with the school counselor re: the focus of 3rd grade being really all about reading comprehension, not focused on math or anything else. REALLY????

 

I am a square peg and I don't fit the round hole of public school. I am not a good sheep who just follows the sheep in front of me and accepts that "this is just how we do it". The stupid rules and regulations make me CRAZY. I know that I will be unhappy with the school admin eventually.

 

So what do I do? HOW do I navigate? Do we take a month off and start over later? Is a hiatus going to help or make matters worse? Do I need to just suck it up and become a better disciplinarian?

[TXMomof4]

:grouphug:

 

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. In your situation I would just focus on the 3 Rs. Do math, LA, and some writing (copywork, dictation) every day. For us it takes about an hour and 1/2 to get that done with my 9 yo. I consider everything else gravy when we'rr in survival mode. And we've been there more than once.

The thing is, PS wnt be any easier on you. I had all the kids in school for about 6 weeks last year and the mindless rules and regulations almost made me psycho. I'll take the craziness of 4 kids running through my house anyday.

I'm sure others will have better advice, but just wanted to give you my .02!

[Audrey]

:grouphug:

 

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. In your situation I would just focus on the 3 Rs. Do math, LA, and some writing (copywork, dictation) every day. For us it takes about an hour and 1/2 to get that done with my 9 yo. I consider everything else gravy when we'rr in survival mode. And we've been there more than once.

The thing is, PS wnt be any easier on you. I had all the kids in school for about 6 weeks last year and the mindless rules and regulations almost made me psycho. I'll take the craziness of 4 kids running through my house anyday.

I'm sure others will have better advice, but just wanted to give you my .02!

 

 

:iagree: And for your part, you do NEED to stick to your plans. Do your 3Rs, but do them consistently. You need to work on making that YOUR habit, so it will be her habit, too.

 

8yo seems to be one of those stages where kids get very frustrated, very easily and it comes out in their behaviour (which just frustrates the parents, too). Don't take it personally. It isn't.

 

I also agree with the statement that ps won't be easier. You are looking at the greener grass and missing all the piles of doggie doo around the corner.

[jenL]

It is very easy for us moms to become distracted and then procrastinate.

 

I had to tell myself, over and over and over and over and over again, that homeschooling is MY JOB (some days I still need to repeat this mantra). I cannot slack on it, just as I would not be able to slack in the workplace without getting fired.

 

I learned for me that it was sheer laziness getting in the way. Once I changed MY mindset, we were able to get things done. I was able to persevere despite backlash from my sons, and now we are all much happier. I was nasty and stressed because I wasn't doing my part, and it trickled down to the kids. Their behavior and motivation was affected, and I would tell myself it would be easier if someone else just did the job for me. But... that would open up an entirely new set of problems: homework battles, morning wake-up battles, dissatisfaction wit the schools, etc (the list is endless for me). Once I changed me, everything else fell into place.

 

Homeschooling is HARD WORK. Take it one day at a time, and as others have said, focus on the 3R's. Once you find a steady rhythm, you can add more.

[lea1]

Maybe you could avoid the argument about which subject to do first, second, etc. by either setting a fixed schedule and doing the subjects in the same order each day or by starting the school day off by allowing her to set the order of the subjects before you begin anything. This is what we do and it allows my two sons to determine what order they feel like doing things on a particular day. It also works as sort of a transition period of getting us into the school mode and ready to sit down and get with it. We have really fallen into a pattern where most of our subjects are now done in a certain order each day but they still like to feel that they have some say in the order so we still go through the ritual of them choosing what is first and second, etc. before we start our day. I have a strap hanging on the wall with velcro spots on it and I have made laminated cards with all of our subjects. They take turns picking which subject is first, second, etc. and we line the cards up in that order on the strap. As we finish a subject, we take the card down. This lets us see our progress as we go about our day and everyone knows what is next and what we have left to do before we are finished for the day. It has worked out quite nicely here.

 

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate so I hope you are able to find ways to help things run smoother, if you decide to continue homeschooling. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[creekmom]

I am struggling, dear hive. I need some support. I am overwhelmed right now with life. My dd8 is driving me nuts. She has worn me out and my patience is thin. I am not a strict parent and my homeschooling style is laidback. I try to make lesson plans, but invariably we don't follow them and then I get upset that we strayed off track.

 

I actually called the PS and made an appt for this week to tour the local elementary school and discuss returning her to PS. I can't seem to MAKE her do her work. She dawdles and gets off track. Meanwhile the 4 yr old brother asks for snacks or playtime and I get distracted. He goes to school 2 days per week but we cannot afford to put him in 5 days per week. And I really don't feel he is the problem. It is her and her constant day dreaming and getting off on tangents.

 

She likes to argue - in a playful manner - about whatever subject I suggest. I say "Lets do math." She says "I HATE MATH! Lets do spelling!" She is good at spelling and knows that it isn't challenging for her. I find myself letting her get away with stuff because I simply cannot argue with her over every.little.thing.

 

I am dealing with my mother's chronic illness, my father's radiation treatment for cancer, my own health issues as of yet undiagnosed...I feel like something's gotta give. BUT I was unhappy after my conversation with the school counselor re: the focus of 3rd grade being really all about reading comprehension, not focused on math or anything else. REALLY????

 

I am a square peg and I don't fit the round hole of public school. I am not a good sheep who just follows the sheep in front of me and accepts that "this is just how we do it". The stupid rules and regulations make me CRAZY. I know that I will be unhappy with the school admin eventually.

 

So what do I do? HOW do I navigate? Do we take a month off and start over later? Is a hiatus going to help or make matters worse? Do I need to just suck it up and become a better disciplinarian?

 

 

 

From what you've mentioned, I think ps will only frustrate you, and not dealing with these character issues in your dd will only make them worse over time. If it were me, I'd put everything else on hold and solely focus on training my daughter. It's not fun, and it definitely won't be pretty, but you need to take on this battle and win.

 

First, get a planner (or print one online) and write each subject's work for each day for one week. Think about the thing she loves to do the most- whatever that is, she must earn it each day by completing all the work in her planner for that day. (That is her reward for doing her work without complaining). Next, think of a good consequence if she doesn't do her work - or complains about it. I'm sure she'll fuss and fume and argue and try to negotiate, but you have to stay strong and not waver in your expectations and consequences.

 

I think there is one reason she is driving you crazy - it gets her what she wants. She knows how to wear you down and get out of work, and she's going to play the game as long as she wins -even if she only wins 1 out of 10 times. It's like a cat who wants in the house - if there is even a chance he can get in, he's going to keep trying.

 

You can do this, but it will require a lot of energy and focus. It's worth it!

[kalanamak]

I have a teacher tone, and by the time kiddo was 8, if he says something like "I hate math", I say: okay, one extra problem.

 

This has nipped it in the bud.

 

I also no longer give choices about doing X or Y first unless his attitude has been *perfect* all day.

[sbgrace]

:grouphug: You have so much going on. I can see why PS is attractive. I also see how it would just bring different stress.

 

Some 8 year olds are hard--I have one of them. I do think if you can discipline yourself to make sure math, spelling, and writing or whatever core things are done every. single. day you'll eventually get less push back from her. If she thinks there is a chance you'll never get to math there is a lot of reward compared to risk in refusing to do it when you ask.

 

Maybe you could explain to her that these subjects must be completed every day. Say you have 4 "must" subjects--have one popsicle stick for each subject. She draws them out of a cup and that's the order the "must do" subjects are completed in. That takes the butting heads between the two of you on order more removed and it may help you to be more diligent with doing them daily as well. I think if you make yourself do them every day you'll feel better about it and she'll give you less push as well.

[SJ.]

Maybe you could avoid the argument about which subject to do first, second, etc. by either setting a fixed schedule and doing the subjects in the same order each day or by starting the school day off by allowing her to set the order of the subjects before you begin anything. This is what we do and it allows my two sons to determine what order they feel like doing things on a particular day. It also works as sort of a transition period of getting us into the school mode and ready to sit down and get with it. We have really fallen into a pattern where most of our subjects are now done in a certain order each day but they still like to feel that they have some say in the order so we still go through the ritual of them choosing what is first and second, etc. before we start our day. I have a strap hanging on the wall with velcro spots on it and I have made laminated cards with all of our subjects. They take turns picking which subject is first, second, etc. and we line the cards up in that order on the strap. As we finish a subject, we take the card down. This lets us see our progress as we go about our day and everyone knows what is next and what we have left to do before we are finished for the day. It has worked out quite nicely here.

 

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate so I hope you are able to find ways to help things run smoother, if you decide to continue homeschooling. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I absolutely love this idea!

[SJ.]

OP, I know how you feel. My oldest ds does the same. For us, I ensure we do the three Rs before anyone gets a break no matter how long it takes. This helps ensure the most important things get finished and eventually ds learned that the longer he took the longer he had to sit at the table. For us, consistency was key. Good luck, I hope things improve soon. :grouphug:

[higginszoo]

:grouphug:

 

I did send my older daughter to school when she was eight. I think that eight year old girls are just like that to some extent.

 

Her being in school didn't fix anything, though. We had long, drawn-out fights over homework, which sometimes took until 9 or 10 at night (there wasn't that much, her older brother had the same teacher the year before and rarely had more than 1/2 hour of homework -- dd just fought it). When I finally pulled her back out after almost 2 years, she had LOST ground in math compared to when I'd put her in, and it took a couple of years for her attitude about learning to recover enough so that everything wasn't a fight.

[FO4UR]

:iagree:

 

 

Whittle down to the basics, but be very strict (with yourself!!! and her) about getting those done daily. I like to give the option of math or writing first, but I'd not do that right now if there is already a daily argument there. Insist on her following directions, and get some consistency there before giving another inch. Do jot down your daily plan so she can see where the day is headed.

 

 

Do math before a favorite read aloud, copywork before snack, buddy-reading before she can run off and play. The work comes before pleasure, but the work is broken up into bite-sizes. Keep the lessons to 15min.

 

Give her more playtime and more time helping you side-by-side in the afternoons...more reading aloud to her, and a hobby or two. The positive attention needs to far outweigh the negative. Teach discipline and such outside of schoolwork as well.

[lllll]

.........

Edited November 7, 2012 by ksva