southernm Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 It took ds 7 30 min. to open a stinking door. I'm so tired of his fears ruling his life, I can't imagine what it's like for him. All I asked him to do was to go into my bedroom (where he sleeps) to get the computer. The door happened to be shut. I tried to get him to do it in steps. Ex. 1 look at the door, 2 touch the door etc. it took him 20 min just to open the door and another 10 to go in (lights and tv were on in the room). What's he afraid of you ask? Fear. According to him he's afraid of fear. I was in eye contact with him the entire time. I guess it's time to call his psychologist again. Poor kid. Is it wrong for me to not do these things for him? I'm trying to teach him how to take control. We are slowly working through What to do When You Worry Too much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dkpalaska Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 :grouphug: My son also has significant anxieties, so I have some feeling for what you are going through. I'm no expert, but I think you are on the right track. He does have to gradually take control of his worries and fears. While it's easier to just do it for them (or in my ds's case to let him hide from his worries), it's not the long-term answer. It could even worsen them, I suppose, by validation. We are doing CBT with a therapist, and part of that is gradually ramping up exposure to the worries while working on changing the way he thinks about them. I know others have seen significant changes to anxiety levels with diet, supplements, or medicine, but I can't speak to those. Just :grouphug:. It is so stressful for both of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PandaMom Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 My DD(7) is the same way. We went through a phase where she refused to flush the toilet. She was either scared or didn't know how. How hard is it to flush the toilet!!! For some reason she couldn't. Susie DD(7) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer-72 Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Violet Crown Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 :grouphug: :grouphug: Wee Girl would go up the stairs alone last month, but not this month. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southernm Posted October 16, 2012 Author Share Posted October 16, 2012 It's just so hard. Seeing him panic like that is heart wrenching and I'm exhausted emotionally. The whole thing may have only lasted 30 min but it made the rest of his day hard. He told me his fears were taking over. The hard part is is that sometimes he can go in, sometimes he can't. It's difficult when I need help getting something done and he just can't do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairProspects Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 Have you tried any of the "What To Do when Your Brain Gets Stuck", or "What To Do When You Worry Too Much" books? I know it is not a perfect solution, but having some language to describe what was going on and talking through "garbage thoughts" was helpful for ds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 :grouphug: for both of you. I cannot imagine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbmamaz Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 so sorry! my teen son was totally freaking out about his whole life, couldnt start his school work because he was sure he would never get done before dinner, didnt see the point since he will never be able to hold a job or find a girlfriend anyways, then it hurt when he breathed . . .after trying to help him calm down for almost 2 hours, we finally double-checked his meds and realized he'd never opened up the bottle i picked up at the pharmacy last week . . . so he was out of one med and just kept going like nothing was up. Sigh. he took one of the missing pills and filled in the week's pill box, and an hour later sat down and did all his work (I had slightly lowered it, but not by much) and was done in an hour. i'm still shaken up, its SO HARD when he's crying, saying things like "why is my life so hard? i wish I could just be normal!" and i just want to cry with him Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southernm Posted October 16, 2012 Author Share Posted October 16, 2012 so sorry! my teen son was totally freaking out about his whole life, couldnt start his school work because he was sure he would never get done before dinner, didnt see the point since he will never be able to hold a job or find a girlfriend anyways, then it hurt when he breathed . . .after trying to help him calm down for almost 2 hours, we finally double-checked his meds and realized he'd never opened up the bottle i picked up at the pharmacy last week . . . so he was out of one med and just kept going like nothing was up. Sigh. he took one of the missing pills and filled in the week's pill box, and an hour later sat down and did all his work (I had slightly lowered it, but not by much) and was done in an hour. i'm still shaken up, its SO HARD when he's crying, saying things like "why is my life so hard? i wish I could just be normal!" and i just want to cry with him Thank you and everyone else for simply understanding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eoffg1 Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 You wrote that sometimes he can go in, sometimes he can't. Which is a strong indication that their is some variable occurring? Where it would be well worth trying to identify what the variable is? Though is their a threshold where the fear occurs? Does it occur as soon as he thinks of walking to the door, or as he walks towards the door, or just as he arrives at the door ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmith Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 :grouphug: I know exactly what you are going through! Ds will go in our basement rec room on his own sometimes, and other times he asks someone to walk him down. He will stay down there for hours alone, but actually walking into the room for some reason causes him a lot of anxiety. I'm seriously thinking of getting him a service dog for anxiety. It's so crippling to him sometimes. I try to push him through his fears in a lighthearted never annoyed way. Sometimes it helps, sometimes nothing helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walking-Iris Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 We have been going to the same building for a year and close to a half now for co-op and my oldest ds is still terrified/anxious of the place. Even though the routine is still the same, I still have to talk him through every step. Open the door--put your drink there---get ready for pe--we have classes in that room---now it's time for snack---go back to the same class etc. He follows me so closely that he steps on my shoe most of the time. Every.single.time. They schedule me to help in his classes because I think they know how much he needs me. Service dog!!!! I drool over the thought of a service dog! I really do! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southernm Posted October 18, 2012 Author Share Posted October 18, 2012 We just adopted a two year old havanese for that very reason! We still need to get her used to our routine etc and she wasn't potty trained. I haven't been able to tell if she has helped or not. While he is attached to her, I haven't seen her comfort him in that way, yet! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghee Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 We deal with this, too. My youngest son will, rarely, go upstairs or stay in a room alone or go to the bathroom without someone waiting outside the door. When I say rarely, I mean so infrequently as to be considered "Once in blue moon". Most of the time it's "Can you wait outside the bathroom door?" or, when I go from the living room to the kitchen (side by side) "Where are you going!" as he hops up and trots after me. Sometimes it's almost too much for me. I have wondered if getting a large dog might benefit him. Our neighbor has an ancient labrador that loves my children. He sticks to their sides like glue...I wonder if having a large, warm body with him would help, or if it would be me, him, AND the dog (might send me around the bend.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaSheep Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 :grouphug: Anxiety is hard, hard stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southernm Posted October 19, 2012 Author Share Posted October 19, 2012 Now I feel like I'm in a Doctor Who episode. I was trying to work through what to do when you worry and he has started to talk about his fears as a noun. "The fear could be in there, The fear is black etc." For some reason, he is having a very hard time listening and talking about the questions in the book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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